Monthly Archives: July 2011


HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN-Canada/United States-86 Mins. 2011

Rutger Hauer as Hobo

Directed by Jason Eisener

Written by John Davis

Story by John Davis, Jason Eisener and Rob Cotterill

Is there a message behind Hobo with a Shotgun? Is Jason Eisener trying to tell us that we should be kind to the homeless? Or did he just set out to make a cool film from a cool premise about a hobo who’s decided he’s just not going to fucking take it anymore? To be honest with you I think it’s more the latter than it is the former. HWAS is a kick-ass-take no prisoners-spare no change-balls out-pecker in hand spectacle of a motion picture. Rutger Hauer chews the scenery like a lawnmower on crystal meth. He is a powerhouse of an actor in a role about a man who just doesn’t give a rat’s ass anymore. He’s tired of the pushers, pimps and pedophiles and he’s damn well going to do something about it.

Every hero has a sidekick to help him fight his battles and an enemy to make his life a living hell. For the former, Hobo’s got Abby, the hooker with the heart of gold who takes him in and treats him like a human being. For the latter, there is Drake and his sons, Slick and Ivan. Supported by a corrupt police force they’ve been a plague on the bums of the town for way too long. That’s all going to change.

Like Rob Zombie and House of a 1000 Corpses before him, Jason Eisener throws everything but the kitchen sink into Hobo with a Shotgun. It’s his first chance to make a good impression and he runs with it. The film is exciting, bloody as hell and above all a fun ride for everyone.


Based on a fake trailer made for Grindhouse (2007) by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez.

Slick and Ivan drive a Bricklin; a Canadian made car from the mid 70s.

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DON’T LOOK NOW-British/Italian-110 Mins. 1973

Donald Sutherland as John Baxter

Julie Christie as Laura Baxter

Directed by Nicolas Roeg

Screenplay by Allan Scott and Chris Bryant

Based on the story by Daphne Du Maurier

If you so much as blink while watching “Don’t Look Now” you will have missed major plot points which occurred in that millisecond. I should know. I turned my head away for a second and something happened on screen and I was lost. Luckily, the film is of the type that it leads up to something. In this case that something is the fate of one of the main characters. Everything from point A to Point B is meant to lead us to that moment.

After experiencing the heartbreak of losing a child in an accidental drowning, Laura and John Baxter travel to Venice where John is hired to restore a local church. Laura meets two women, one of whom is blind and claims to have second sight. She says that Christine, their deceased child, is with them and that she is happy. I don’t want to say anything more because I feel that it will give away the ending. The film works as an occult horror film, but it’s really a film about the grief suffered after losing a child and the effect it can have on a couple.

I must admit I had heard all sorts of good things about the film and was looking forward to seeing it. Having seen it I can honestly say that it is a very good film. My only complaint is that it moves a bit too slow and tends to be tedious at times. Besides that, though, it has a strong cast in Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie and excellent directing from Nicolas Roeg. The film is not only made to keep you guessing the entire time, but to make you think. You don’t see that very often in a horror film.


The famous sex scene between Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie was a last minute on-set idea from director Nicolas Roeg who felt that otherwise the film would have too many scenes of the couple arguing. Most of the scenes around it are improvised.

Renato Scarpa who plays inspector Longhi didn’t speak any English. He just read the lines he’d been given without knowing what they meant, which added to the sinister quality of his character.

Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie met for the first time on the set of this film. The first scene they had to shoot was the sex scene, as Roeg wanted to “get it out of the way” and then move on to the “bone” of the matter. Christie was terrified.


One of Those Days

One of Those Days

Do you ever have one of those days where you just don’t know what you want to say about anything? I have. I’m having one now. I start to write a sentence only to delete it a few seconds later. Maybe I want it to be just right or maybe I want to seem to have a little idea of what the hell I’m talking about.

So far today I have begun to write about how I feel that the WWE has killed the art of true professional wrestling. I just couldn’t find the words to say that guys like John Cena, Randy Orton and women like Kelly Kelly and the Bella Twins are nothing more than beefcake and eye candy. Today’s average wrestling fan wouldn’t know a figure-four leg-lock from a figure eight. The ‘wrestlers’ today are cartoon characters come to life in order to sell merchandise. Andre the Giant didn’t need an action figure. Wahoo McDaniel didn’t need a catch phrase. I can see you, John Cena, I just don’t want to. I smell what the Rock is cooking’ and it smells like shit.

If only this were true.

I was also going to write about how I feel that pornography takes the passion out of a relationship. I’m not going to lie, I have looked at pornography. Who hasn’t at one time or another? I know that there are people who say that watching porn helps them with their love life. I tend to disagree. How can you be passionate with your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend when you’ve got Jenna Jameson being screwed a million ways to Sunday running through your mind? That’s not passion for your spouse; that’s lust for something you’re never going to have.

Never gonna have her, guys.

Oh and I was also going to write about how a lot of kids today are rude little bastards. I can not tell you how many times I have been in Wal-mart late at night and nearly had my foot amputated by some impolite stock boy with a pallet jack. Do they say ‘excuse me’? Hell, no. I feel like getting some fake toes that squirt blood and whenever one of them flies by me tossing the toes out and screaming bloody murder with my bloody toes lying on the floor. It’s not just the stock boys, its kids in general. But do you blame the kids? I don’t. I blame the parents. If you are a parent and you have taught your kids manners, then my hat is off to you. That means I’m not talking about your kid. However, if you are the parent of that little mutation that nearly severed my foot without a word of ‘excuses me’ then I think you need to grab the little bugger by the hair and teach him some manners. Who knows, you might learn some yourself.

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”-Abraham Lincoln. Wow, I was thinking the same thing about Kim Kardashian. She decides to put her two cents in about the Casey Anthony trial. She tweeted “What crazy testimony today! Casey’s mom says one thing & her son says the opposite! Someone is lying here!” Hey Kim, they’re remaking Plan Nine from Outer Space and they need someone to say “But one thing’s sure. Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and somebody’s responsible.” Think you’re up for it?

Kim!! Shh!! Don’t speak, Ever, Again.

Yep, I just can’t think of anything to say.

The Fears and Frustrations of a Horror Movie Blogger (or any blogger).

I have a fear. I wonder if other bloggers have this fear. I hope so; I don’t want to be the only one. It’s the fear of writing a blog and nobody paying any attention to it. On average I rank anywhere from 50-200 visitors a day to my blog. Is that good? Does it suck? I don’t know. I just want people to enjoy what I write and if they don’t enjoy what I write I want them to at least respect me as a writer. I don’t proclaim to be an expert on horror films. I am merely a fan. I watch movies and I give my opinion on them from the point of view of your average movie-goer. I might love a film the general public despises and vice-versa. I just want my voice to be heard in a sea of voices all screaming in the same cacophony. One of my ongoing fears is that the shoe will drop and I’ll read that one comment that says “You wouldn’t know anything about horror if it bit you on your ass.” What will happen to me if it does? I hope I am mature enough that I will think that it is one opinion among many. Get over it, move on and keep doing what I do. Am I making a damn bit of sense? I certainly hope so.

I want to be able to post every day. I don’t know how possible that is. For one thing I don’t know if I want to watch and review a movie every night of the week. There are times that I want to be lazy. I want to spend time with my wife or play video games or surf the internet. There are even times that I want to be able to watch a movie and not have to give my opinion on it. At times, I just want to be a guy watching a movie and nothing more than that.

I keep thinking of things that I can do to be able to post something each and every day of the week. I actually thought about trying my hand at video. Do you think folks are ready for a Southern born horror film fan? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. I do know that I plan to cut my reviews down to once a week. So I am open to any suggestions as to what to do the other six days.

I certainly hope I haven’t come off like a whiny bitch. I just want to be heard. I want people to know that what I do is important to me. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you.

Random Stupid Thoughts at 7:30 in the A.M.

I think Megan Fox is a beautiful girl and a horrible actress. Sorry, Megan, but I like my women with talent.

Snooki and Gollum were seperated at birth. Gollum got all the beauty. Snooki got…Gollum got everything.

Would someone please tell Kate Gosselin that the fifteen minutes she should have never had in the first place are up?

I’m sorry Gary Coleman died. I was hoping him and Emmanuel Lewis would get together and rob a convenience store.

My wife says I can be a real asshole sometimes. No comment.

I have a German Shepherd, a terrier, an orange cat, a hamster and a tarantula. I like to put them together and have them act out scenes from The Hangover.

If I were a werewolf the first thing I would do is hump Rachael Ray’s leg. Then I would eat her. Get your minds out of the gutter.

I had a Tickle Me Elmo. It got a restraining order against me.

If you mix peas, corn and carrots you get succotash. Take out the carrots and you have porn.

I bet when Susan B. Anthony walked by a group of women they would say “I wonder who she slept with to get on a coin.”

A little kid playing in a sandbox has more imagination in his little finger than Michael Bay has in his entire body.

Oh, crap!! I just remembered I didn’t forward that letter to ten friends! That poor little kid!

Every time I hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger slept with his housekeeper I picture Consuela from Family Guy.

Do you realize that if the first woman had said to the first man “Let’s just cuddle” we probably wouldn’t be here. Oh, wait a minute. What guy has ever taken “Lets just cuddle” as a final answer.

My wife is right. I can be a real asshole sometimes. Oh well, somebody’s gotta do it.


THE GODFATHER-United States-175 Mins. 1972

Marlon Brando as Don Vito Corleone

  Directed by Francis Ford Coppola Screenplay by Francis Ford Coppola and Mario Puzo Based on the novel by Mario Puzo        The Godfather can no longer be called a motion picture. It is an icon, an institution. It has become as much a part of  Americana as baseball and apple pie. It is the shining example of imitation being the sincerest form of flattery. The Godfather has been imitated, parodied, spoofed, lampooned and copied in every form of media. Without The Godfather, Tony Soprano would be bussing tables in a restaurant. There would be no Goodfellas or Mean Streets or Miller’s Crossing. Al Pacino would be doing dinner theatre inPoughkeepsie. For every five people, I can guarantee you that at least three of them can quote dialogue from the film. Entire trivia books can (and have been) written about The Godfather. For example; before the Godfather, did you know that no Sicilian can refuse a favor on the day of his daughter’s wedding? Did you know that ‘sleeps with the fishes’ meant someone was dead? Are these things true? It doesn’t matter; they have become a part of American culture and of the American conscience.    The film begins with four simple words, “I believe inAmerica.” They are the most important words to be spoken throughout the entire film. Like the humble undertaker who speaks those words, the Corleone family believes inAmerica and in the American dream. They know that you can have anything you want in America. Their view of the dream is at the same time noble as it is corrupt. The Corleones know that there is a price for everything, including respect. Don Corleone offers the undertaker justice for the indignity performed on his daughter, but he tells him that he may come to him for a favor some day. For everything, including murder, there is a price.    The Godfather is a film that bears repeated viewings. There is enough subtlety and innuendo in this one film to fill a hundred others. The scene where Don Corleone is nearly assassinated is an example. We know that he is set up, but by who? Do the math, so to speak, and it’s easy to figure that it was from someone who knew the Corleones. Why else would they know that Fredo was the weak one and would offer little to no resistance? I always thought the scene in Saving Private Ryan where the German soldier walks right past the American soldier after he has just murdered his colleague could have been inspired by the scene with Fredo and Don Corleone.    I could go on and on. The Godfather is the holy grail of motion pictures. It is the film that so many motion pictures hope to be, and it is the one that so few have become. In fact, only The Shawshank Redemption has come anywhere near achieving the level of perfection that The Godfather has. It is sad to say, but with the current state of motion pictures (remakes, sequels and films based on Hasbro toys), it is a sure bet that we will never see another film like The Godfather. What a shame.


The movie’s line “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” was voted as the #10 of “The 100 Greatest Movie Lines” by Premiere in 2007.

The cat held by Marlon Brando in the opening scene was a stray the actor found while on the lot at Paramount, and was not originally called for in the script. So content was the cat that its purring muffled some of Brando’s dialogue, and, as a result, most of his lines had to be looped.
As Vito Corleone picks oranges prior to the assassination attempt, there’s a poster in the store window advertising a boxing match involving Jake LaMotta. Robert De Niro plays the young Vito in The Godfather: Part II (1974) and also went on to play LaMotta in Raging Bull (1980)
The presence of oranges in the Godfather trilogy indicates that a death-related event will soon occur (even though production designer Dean Tavoularis claimed the oranges were simply used to brighten up the darkly shot film). In chronological order of such events: – Hagen and Woltz negotiate Johnny Fontane’s position at a table with a bowl of oranges on it, and later Woltz discovers his horse’s severed head – Don Corleone buys oranges right before he is shot – Sonny drives past an advertisement for Florida Oranges before he is assassinated – at the Mafioso summit, bowls of oranges are placed on the tables (specifically in front of those Dons who will be assassinated) – Michael eats an orange while discussing his plans with Hagen – before Don Corleone dies, he plays with an orange – Tessio, who is executed for attempting to betray Michael, plays with an orange at Connie’s wedding – and Carlo Rizzi, who wears an orange suit right before Sonny beats him up, causes Sonny’s death and is himself garrotted in retribution. – The only deaths in the film that don’t appear to have oranges foreshadowing them are the assassinations of Paulie, Sollozzo, McCluskey and Apollonia.





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