Daily Archives: 03/27/2012
In an effort to appear open-minded and "with it", it has become commonplace in the annals of moviedom to sometimes just throw in a black dude for a splash of melanin in what would otherwise be a completely white movie. These token characters/actors are rarely major parts of the film; hardly ever get any lovin', and more often than not they end up dying.
It’s the final night at the last drive-in in America and Cecil B. Kaufman has got it all figured out. This is going to be a night to remember as he features not one, not two, not three but four lost films. Grab your popcorn, hold on to your Pepsi’s. It’s showtime!
Adam Rifkin as Miles Munson
Sarah Mutch as Louise
Owen Benjamin as Larry
Ray Wise as Dr. Weems
Written and Directed by Adam Rifkin
Adam Rifkin stars as Miles Munson, a man with a way less than regular sperm count. A normal man’s sperm can be counted in the millions; Miles’ sperm can be counted in the one. But after he begins taking an experimental drug prescribed to him by Dr. Weems, oh what a sperm it is! It grows to gargantuan proportions and seeks out the only ovum big enough for its massive load-the Statue of Liberty! Will Wadzilla prevail, or will the military, led by General Bukkake, arrive in time to save the day?
I swear to God I am not making this shit up, folks. I can assure you that you have not seen anything until you’ve seen the Statue of Liberty strip down to pasties and a g-string and rub her torch between her breasts. Wadzilla is every bit as ridiculous as it sounds and is a fun way to get things started.
Adam Rifkin did all of his own stunts in the “Wadzilla” segment.
The background plates of New York City for the segment “Wadzilla” were taken at the Universal Studios back lot in California.
I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR
Written and Directed by Tim Sullivan
Starring Sean Paul Lockhart as Ricky
Anton Troy as Talon
Gabrielle West as Peggy Lou
Lin Shaye as Nurse Maleva
Even a boy who thinks he’s straight/yet shaves his balls by night/may become a werebear when the hormones rage/and the latent urge takes flight-Nurse Maleva
Sean Paul Lockhart has been called ‘the Traci Lords of gay porn’. It’s right there on the Internet Movie Database, look it up. In “I Was a Teenage Werebear”, Lockhart plays Ricky; a young man with the ‘urge to purge’ and with feelings he just can’t get a handle on. But after he meets Talon he becomes that which he fears he is the most-a teenage werebear!!
Okay, so I know there’s a message here about showing tolerance and respect to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. But couldn’t they have been a little more subtle? To put it mildly, “I Was a Teenage Werebear” is about as subtle as Jason Voorhees at a ballet recital. There are so many gay dick references in this film I had to make sure somebody didn’t switch DVD’s on me. If you weren’t aware that director Tim Sullivan is openly gay before watching this then you will be afterward. After the strong opening of “Wadzilla”, Chillerama took a downward spiral with this one.
Filming for the Segment ‘I Was a Teenage Werebear’ was almost shut down due to the location sheriff not approving to the content of the script.
Thomas Dekker was considered for the part of Ricky for the “I Was a Teenage Werebear” segment.
Tim Sullivan replaced another actor at the last minute for the segment “I Was a Teenage Werebear.”
Kristina Klebe as Eva Braun
Kane Hodder as Meshugannah
Written and Directed by Adam Green
Did you know that Anne Frank was once Anne Frankenstein? Did you know that the family name was shortened to separate them from the atrocities created by her ancestor, Victor? Well, if you didn’t you sure as hell do now. Joel David Moore is the Führer who creates an all too Jewish monster to help him win the war. Kane Hodder plays the monster Meshugannah, who can kill Nazis, put together jigsaw puzzles of puppies and get you back $200 extra on your income taxes. I don’t know whether this is a ‘so bad it’s bad’ movie or a ‘so bad it’s really bad’ movie. What I do know is that it’s quite possibly the strangest role Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees, Victor Crowley) has ever played.
Hitler to soldier-”Here. Write depressing stuff in this as if the little girl wrote it. We’ll sell it after the war and make millions.”
Kristina Klebe and her mother translated the script for “The Diary of Anne Frankenstein” segment into German for all the German-speaking cast members.
Joel David Moore learned some German for his role as Adolf Hitler. However, a majority of the lines Hitler says in the film are not German.
The blood in the segment “The Diary of Ann Frankenstein” was really chocolate syrup.
Corey Jones as Toby
Kaili Thorne as Mayna
Brendan McCreary as Ryan
Miles Dougal as Floyd
Richard Riehle as Cecil Kaufman
Written and Directed by Joe Lynch
The last film in the series was intended to be “Deathication”. However, while that horror movie is playing, a real horror movie breaks out at the drive-in. One of the employees is turned into a zombie after having his balls bitten off by his dead wife. He relieves himself by using popcorn butter as lubrication. This in turn causes the blue junk seeping from his groin to drop into said butter and is thus distributed to the hundreds of patrons. After that you have a small zombie apocalypse. But these zombies don’t want to eat you, they want to have sex with you. I swear to God I am not making this shit up. Is it tasteless? Yes. Is it offensive? Probably. Is it good? Oh, hell no.
The Kaufman drive-in theater is named after Lloyd Kaufman.
The drive-in theater location was an actual working drive-in.
What starts off as a strong contender in the B-movie genre drops off into oblivion with it’s second (“I Was a Teenage Werebear”) and fourth (“Zom-B-Movie”) installments. I think the problem was not in the subject matter, but in the fact that it seems as if the filmmakers go out of their way to offend.
Note: I apologize for there not being any cast photos.
- AICN World Exclusive: CHILLERAMA music video premiere and a very special Werebear surprise!! (aintitcool.com)
- Zachary Levi pilot ‘Let It Go’ adds ‘Avatar’ star Joel David Moore (digitalspy.co.uk)
- Purge This Urge: ‘Chillerama’ (Review) (popmatters.com)
- Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Madness [40 PHOTOS] (coedmagazine.com)