SEE NO EVIL-United States-2006
Directed by Gregory Dark
Written by Dan Madigan
What do you get when you cross a billion-wrestling promotion with a movie featuring one of its key Superstars and directed by a guy famous for films like “Hootermania”, “Between the Cheeks III” and “New Wave Hookers II”? You get “See No Evil”, WWE Films excursion into the horror genre starring their walking horror film Glen ‘Kane’ Jacobs; only he just goes by Kane here. Kane plays Jacob Goodnight, a pissed off 400 pound psychopath with a rusty plate screwed into his skull and a really mean looking hook and chain. Jacob’s ‘peaceful’ existence is disturbed by a group of delinquents assigned to community service to clean up the abandoned hotel he’s living in. You can only imagine what happens next. Jacob pitches in and helps the gang and becomes a much better person for it. Okay, I was just fucking with you. What the hell do you think he does? He slaughters them. The worst is when one of the delinquents tells him that wrestling is faked. Yeeesh!! Okay, just kidding there, too.
There’s a subplot involving two of the gang trying to find some money hidden in the walls that goes nowhere. Not only that, but the women in the film all look like they’re trying to pose when they stand still for any length of time. Let’s also not forget all the double entendres in this film. I guess that’s what happens when you hire a porno director to make your horror movie.
But seriously, did the WWE have to get a guy known for porno movies to helm this film? There are thousands of able-bodied directors just dying to get their shot at the big time and they hire a guy that’s the cinematic equivalent to a pimp. The movie has its moments, don’t get me wrong; I just think they would have done a lot better job hiring a legitimate director. I’m sorry if anyone disagrees with me, but to me a director who guides his actors by saying ‘Get on your knees and play with his rod’ or ‘Aim at her boobs’ is not a real filmmaker.
Next thing you know Disney will be hiring porno directors. That will bring new meaning to ‘someday my prince will come’.
Jacob Goodnight’s name is never mentioned in the film. It was originally included in a monologue by Steven Vidler, but the scene ran too long and it was absentmindedly cut out.
Glenn Jacobs (Kane) has stated that the best thing about making this movie (due to the hectic amount of traveling as a professional wrestler) was the opportunity it gave him to sleep in the same bed for two months.
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