MONSTER BRAWL

MONSTER BRAWL-Canada-2011

Dave Foley as Buzz Chambers

Robert Maillet as Frankenstein

Kevin Nash as Colonel Crookshank

Jimmy Hart as Himself

Herb Dean as Himself

and featuring Lance Henriksen as the voice of God.

Written and directed by Jesse T. Cook

There are two things I love in this world; horror movies and professional wrestling. It was around the age of seven years old that my sister began scaring the crap out of me and leaving a lasting mark by telling me that there was a werewolf in my closet just waiting for the full moon to ravage and devour my tender young body. Wait a minute, stop, hold on, time out. Did I just say ‘my tender young body’? That sounds so…icky. The next thing you know I’ll have NAMBLA following my blog. Back off, you sick pervs!

Cut to three years later and at the age of ten I attended my very first professional wrestling match in 1972. The main event featured “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair and Johnny Valentine versus “Number One” Paul Jones and “The Eighth Wonder of The World” Andre the Giant. To say that it made an impression on my impressionable young mind would be the most understated of understatements. I am now 50 years old, and even though I know that pro wrestling is about as real as a Paris Hilton orgasm, I still have no intention of giving it up.

Now, for two interests as diverse as ‘rasslin’ and fright flicks you would think that never the two shall meet. But I am here to tell you right now that is as far from the truth as a porn star saying they’ve never done anal. Just look at the cinematic fright world for the match-ups that have taken place over the years. There’s King Kong versus Godzilla, Frankenstein versus The Wolf Man, Aliens versus Predator and on and on and on. Let us not also forget that professional wrestling has had its share of monstrosities. There’s The Undertaker, Kane, Gangrel, “The Monster” Abyss, Vampiro and many, many more creatures of the squared circle. Wrestling and monsters have been strange bedfellows for a number of years.

This brings me to the main event of the evening, ladies and gentlemen. It’s the battle for the ages, the fight of the century between the creatures and the undead. I am talking about the brawl to end it all and the war that will settle the score; the WrestleMania from the crypt and the death match of death matches. “Monster Brawl” is the type of movie that answers the question that we have all wanted to ask and would have done just that if we had just smoked a little more pot; what would happen if the world’s most (in) famous monsters met in the middle of the ring to determine who is the best of the best among the denizens of the darkness? Frankenstein, Werewolf, Lady Vampire, Zombie Man, The Mummy, Swamp Gut, Cyclops and Witch Bitch pound it out in the middle of the ring in this extravaganza of the weird. Lending a hand to the festivities are none other than “Big Daddy Cool” Kevin Nash and the “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart. So, if you love wrestling and you love horror movies then you just cannot go wrong with “Monster Brawl.” However, if you’re looking for a movie full of metaphors, subtleties and Academy Award winning performances then I suggest you watch something else. But seriously, if you can’t enjoy a movie like this on the lowest of levels then you really need to get that stick out of your ass. Wooooo!!

P.S. There are actually three things I love in this world. The third and most important thing is my wife. I don’t sleep with monsters and I don’t sleep with pro wrestlers. I do sleep with my wife. So if I want that sleep to be a peaceful one I damn sure better give my baby her props. Hail to the queen of my world!!

NO TRIVIA

½

Related articles

• Sheamus and the 20 Greatest Brawlers in WWE History (bleacherreport.com)
• Monster Brawl (2011) (horror-movie-a-day.blogspot.com)
• REVIEW: Monster Brawl (Blu-ray) (kdvr.com)
• War of the Gargantuas (1968) (oldgamereviewer.com)
• New Zaat Movie (seqnfoqm.typepad.com)
• In Defense Of … Billy Corgan’s Foray Into Professional Wrestling (Column) (popmatters.com)
• Buy Zombie Farm Movie Online (acyoavi.typepad.com)
• ‘Sherlock Holmes,’ ‘Ghost Rider’ hit shelves this week (independentmail.com)
• John Ary On MONSTER BRAWL!! (aintitcool.com)
• Stop Blaming Rihanna for the Brawl (theroot.com)
• WWE WrestleMania 28: Could This Be Jericho’s Last WrestleMania? (bleacherreport.com)
• The Undying Monster Movie Dvd (ucvmzqn.typepad.com)
• Drake, Police Questioning: Rapper Refuses to Turn Himself in Following Brawl With Chris Brown (theboombox.com)
• Exclusive Interview: Filmmaker Jesse Thomas Cook Talks Monster Brawl, Ejecta and More (dreadcentral.com)
• WrestleMania 28: Why We Love Professional Wrestling’s Grandest Event (bleacherreport.com)
• New Orleans Ladies Arm Wrestling, Maytime Brawl is Saturday (videos.nola.com)
• Download Superstar Series: Nature Boy Ric Flair Movies (bboeuyd.typepad.com)
• Hardcore band EVA releases video for ‘Pro-Wrestling is Real; People Are Fake’ (charlestoncitypaper.com)
• Frank Mir Open to Pro Wrestling? (asatt6.wordpress.com)
• Chris Brown Will Not Be Charged Over Drake Brawl (noise11.com)
• Brawl at Denny’s in Redlands caught on tape (abclocal.go.com)
• Does Curiosity Always Kill the Cat? An SML Review of “The Uninvited Visitor” (stuffmonsterslike.com)
• Video: The Massive Brawl That Broke Out During a Lacrosse Game Recently Might Just Be the Greatest Sports Brawl of All Time (complex.com)
• Rihanna ‘Disappointed’ in Drake and Company for Nightclub Brawl (celebs.gather.com)
• A$AP Rocky Brawl At London Show (rapradar.com)
• Lance Henriksen Talks TRON: UPRISING and the “Big Push” for a MILLENNIUM Movie (collider.com)
• Tony Parker is hurt in Brown-Drake brawl (espn.go.com)
• Foresight Features: Canada’s unlikely horror film factory (macleans.ca)