HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET-United States/Canada-2012
Directed by Mark Tonderai
Screenplay by David Loucka
Story by Jonathan Mostow
You have to give me just a second before I review House at the End of the Street. Have you seen it? It’s this movie where this girl and her mother move in next door to this house where this double murder took place years ago. Apparently the sister killed the parents and ran off into the woods and supposedly drowned and now her brother is back and living in the house. Of course, living in a house where a double homicide occurred can kind of bring down the property values of the other houses in the neighborhood; that’s why Elissa (Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone) and her mom, Sarah (Elisabeth Shue, C.S.I.: Crime Scene Investigation) are able to afford their new place; which also makes me wonder as to the affordability of housing in Tokyo since Godzilla stomps that city flat on a regular basis. Anyway, let me finish these letters and I’ll get back to you.
Dear Jennifer Lawrence,
I loved you in X-men: First Class and I am sure you were wonderful in Silver Linings Playbook. Shoot, you won an Oscar for that one. You’re pretty, you seem down to earth and you are a talented young woman. However, if you do another movie like House at the End of the Street people are going to quickly lose interest. I mean, seriously, did you even have a clue as to the plot of this movie? Hell, I don’t think the writers or the director knew what was going on in this movie from one day to the next; the sister is alive; nope, she’s dead; nope, alive again. Seriously Jen, have you ever seen such confusion?
Speaking of writers and directors…
Dear Mark Tonderai, David Loucka and Jonathan Mostow,
I’m sure that there must be a hundred different camera angles in which you could accentuate Jennifer Lawrence’ boobs and ass and you three rump-jockeys found each and every one of them. Way to go perverts.
Almost finished, folks…
Dear Max Thieriot,
My wife and I watch you every Monday alongside Vera Farmiga and Freddie Highmore on Bates Motel. Love the show, by the way. You know something, Max? Maybe you should leave the crazy parts for Freddie to do. They just don’t seem to suit you. Then again, maybe they do and you had no idea what the hell you were supposed to be doing in House at the End of the Street, either.
One more letter to go…
Dear Elisabeth Shue,
I watched you grow up in the movies from Karate Kid to Cocktail to Leaving Las Vegas and beyond. Now you’re playing a blood spatter analyst on C.S.I. and I think that’s great. I’m a big fan and I get to see you every week. When I say fan, I mean that in a non-stalker sense of the word. But now here you are playing a mom and I just don’t know if I’m ready for that. It just doesn’t seem right in the balance of the universe. By the way, did you have any idea as to the plot of House at the End of the Street? I don’t think that Jennifer (Lawrence) or Max (Thieriot) had a clue. What’s worse is I don’t think the writers or director had a clue, either.
There, all finished. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, my review of House at the End of the Street. It sucked. End of story.
The project was originally announced in 2003 with Jonathan Mostow directing andRichard Kelly scripting.
The film was shot in the 2-perf Techniscope format to provide a grainy image reminiscent of older horror films and to save money on film stock and processing. Despite this, “Filmed in Panavision” is listed in the end credits.
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