FEEDING GROUNDS-United States-82 Mins. 2006
Directed by Junior Bonner
Written by Alex Ballar and Jamie Gannon
Dear Junior Bonner, Alex Ballar and Jamie Gannon, director and screenwriters, respectively, of Feeding Grounds,
Congratulations, you guys have made what I believe to be the first horror movie for hipster douche-bags. You even gave yourself starring roles and gave six more of your hipster douche-bag friends supporting roles. You took them out to the desert and you had them act all emotional over some unseen whatchamacallit that was stalking them or eating them or doing God knows what to them. What the hell was that thing and what the hell was it doing? Do you even know? Did you guys even bother writing a script or did you make this shit up as you went along. Don’t answer that, it’s okay. You still have the claim to fame of making the first horror movie for hipster douche-bags.
Wait a minute. What did I just say? Did I say ‘horror movie’? That can’t be right. In order for Feeding Grounds to be called a horror movie it has to have that one important element: horror. I watched the entire 82 minutes of this movie and I didn’t spot one iota of horror. All I saw were you, Jamie Gannon, as Marcus; and you, Alex Ballar, as Stephano wandering around the desert with the rest of the cast while Junior shot you as you said idiotic phrases and posed like the hipster morons that you all are. There was even this one scene where after one of you, I don’t remember who and I really don’t care, finds an ear and someone says, “What if they were murdered and tortured?” Was the script supervisor off the day that line was uttered? You torture, then you murder not the other way around. You should know this; you tortured me for 82 minutes.
I recently reviewed the ’80′s slasher flick Sorority House Massacre. I suggested that every copy of that film be buried deep in a hole in the desert far from humanity. After viewing Feeding Grounds I honestly think that hole needs to be a little bit deeper.
You owe me for 82 minutes of my life.
0 out of 5 Blood Drops
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Posted on 10/26/2013, in Feeding Grounds and tagged Arts, Barack Obama, Bey, Force-feeding, Horror film, Junior Bonner, Mos Def, Movie, Recreation, RSS, Slasher film, Sorority House Massacre, Stephano, United States. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.