Category Archives: British Horror Films
STRIPPERS VS. WEREWOLVES
STRIPPERS VS. WEREWOLVES-United Kingdom-2012
Note: I couldn’t find a decent larger-sized photo from Strippers vs. Werewolves to save my life. However, I do believe the photographs that I found of the cast, in particular the female cast members, will serve as suitable replacements. This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.
Adele Silva as Justice. Of course there’s a stripper named Justice.
Ali Bastian as Dani. I bet the writers took a poll of the most popular stripper names. Strippers, poll; get it?
Barbara Nedeljakova as Raven. Seriously, her parents named her Raven. They’re so proud.
Lucy Pinder as Carmilla. Okay, Carmilla is a cool stripper name. Nothing smart-ass to say here so let’s move it along, folks. Oh wait, I’m sorry; she doesn’t play a stripper. Never mind.
Steven Berkoff as Flett. Flett? Really?
Robert Englund as Tapper. Tapper? What, “Freddy Krueger” was taken?
Directed by Jonathan Glendening
Screenplay by William Barron and Pat Higgins
What is it with strippers and supernatural creatures? First, there was Zombie Strippers (2008) which showed us that Jenna Jameson’s talent goes no further than taking her clothes off. Then there came Zombies vs. Strippers (2012). How original; just take the word “Zombie” and the word “Stripper” and flip it around and add a ‘vs.” in between the two. I didn’t see this one and something tells me I don’t want to. Let’s also not forget Zombies Zombies Zombies: Strippers vs. Zombies (2008). Anyway, we now come to Strippers vs. Werewolves; which may be my last post unless I can talk my wife into writing my posts based on my dictation. The reason being is that I may dig out my eyes with a spoon after seeing this debacle.
Let’s start with the plot. A stripper, Justice (Adele Silva, Doghouse) accidentally kills a guy who turns into a werewolf while she’s giving him a private dance. Her boss, Jeanette (Sarah Douglas, Superman II), seems to know a lot more about werewolves than the owner of a strip joint should know and tells her they have to get rid of the body before it’s too late and they’re all dead. It’s always too late in this type of film and pretty soon we have a battle going on between the strippers and the werewolves. That’s the plot. I heard the writer of The Kings Speech lost sleep over wishing that he had written Strippers vs. Werewolves.
Let’s cut this short. I shouldn’t have to waste a post on this poorly directed, horribly written, badly acted and laughably edited piece of garbage. Robert Englund (The Mangler), Steven Berkoff (Beverly Hills Cop), Barbara Nedeljakova (Hostel) and Sarah Douglas are wasted in this dung pile. Don’t even get me started on the werewolves. Basically the make-up guy called the gofer over and handed him fifty dollars and said. “Alright Skippy, what I want you to do is I want you to run down to the Spirit Store and get some of them fake werewolf ears and some of them fake werewolf hands and I want you to bring ‘em back here, alright? Make sure and get yourself something with the forty dollars you’ll have left over.” Strippers vs. Werewolves is the result of someone who took too many drugs and watched too much horror and porno movies. The result is a wet dream that tries to bite off its own leg in order to wake up from itself. Now, would someone please wake me up and tell me that it was all a horrible dream?
TRIVIA
Robert Englund’s character is incarcerated in HM Chaney Prison – a nod to original Wolfman star Lon Chaney Jr.
There’s an homage to An American Werewolf in London when a dart playing lycanthrope grumbles “you made me miss”.
Took a total of £38.00 at the (UK) box office when first released.
¼
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ALIEN
ALIEN-United States/United Kingdom-1979
Tom Skerritt as Dallas
Sigourney Weaver as Ripley
Veronica Cartwright as Lambert
Harry Dean Stanton as Brett
John Hurt as Kane
Ian Holm as Ash
Yaphet Kotto as Parker
Directed by Ridley Scott
Story by Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett
Screenplay by Dan O’Bannon
I couldn’t believe it. I checked and double-checked and still I couldn’t believe it. I’ve reviewed everything from Halloween to The Howling to Dead Hooker in a Trunk for this blog and yet there is one glaring omission.
I’ve never reviewed Alien.
But then again maybe ‘reviewed’ is too harsh a word. To say that I have never reviewed this film would perhaps indicate that I am going to tell you not only about its strengths but also about its weaknesses. Alien has no weaknesses. It is similar to its titular creature in that it is the perfect science fiction/horror film hybrid. It is even more perfect than John Carpenter’s masterpiece of xenomorphic terror, The Thing and that is a truly bold statement as that film is my favorite of all time.
You don’t believe that Alien is the perfect sci-fi/horror film? Just ask the 17 year-old boy that sat with his fingers over his eyes in that dark movie theater in South Carolina in 1979. This young man watched in horror at the screen as this huge ship with a strange name, Nostromo, and a small crew picked up a distress signal in the far reaches of space. He watched as it began with a parasite that hugged tight the man’s face and planted its seed in his stomach. We all know what happened next; so much blood and a creature that in its infancy screamed its way across a blood-soaked table and into cinematic history. I can assure you it would not stay an infant for very long. One by one like the characters in a twisted version of an Agatha Christie novel it picks off the crew of the Nostromo until only one is left alive. Oh, and don’t think I’m telling you who. There is always that remote chance that some unlucky soul has never seen this cinematic work of art and I will not be the one to spoil it for them.
It has now been 33 years since Alien made its debut. There have been three sequels and two other films that have crossed over into the mythos of another creature, the Predator. Each film has met with varying degrees of success or notoriety. None of them, and I mean absolutely none of them will ever have the impact that this first film in the series had on me all those years ago. So, no, this is not a review as you are familiar with the word; it is merely a labor of love.
Thank you, Ridley Scott. Thank you, Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett. Finally, thank you Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, Veronica Cartwright, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm and Yaphet Kotto. As much as I have always loved the movies, you made me love them even more.
TRIVIA
Originally to be directed by Walter Hill, but he pulled out and gave the job to Ridley Scott.
The rumor that the cast, except for John Hurt, did not know what would happen during the chestburster scene is partly true. The scene had been explained for them, but they did not know specifics. For instance, Veronica Cartwright did not expect to be sprayed with blood.
H.R. Giger’s initial designs for the facehugger were held by US Customs who were alarmed at what they saw. Writer Dan O’Bannon had to go to LAX to explain to them that they were designs for a horror movie.
The screen test that bagged Sigourney Weaver the role of Ripley was her speech from her final scene.
The original title was “Star Beast”.
There is no dialog for the first 6 minutes.
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TALES FROM THE CRYPT
TALES FROM THE CRYPT-United Kingdom/United States-1972
Joan Collins as Joanne Clayton (“All Through the House”)
Ian Hendry as Carl Maitland (“Reflection of Death”)
Peter Cushing as Arthur Edward Grimsdyke (“Poetic Justice”)
Robin Phillips as James Elliot (“Poetic Justice)
Roy Dotrice as Charles Gregory (“Wish You Were Here”)
Richard Greene as Ralph Jason (“Wish You Were Here”)
Barbara Murray as Enid Jason (“Wish You Were Here”)
Nigel Patrick as Maj. William Rogers (“Blind Alleys”)
Patrick Magee as George Carter (“Blind Alleys”)
Directed by Freddie Francis
Screenplay by Milton Subotsky
Based on comic book stories written by Johnny Craig, Al Feldstein and William M. Gaines
Hello, I suppose you are wondering why you’re here. You were probably clicking on your way to some favorite site when all of a sudden your mouse developed a mind of its own and now here you are. Are you sure you aren’t meant to be here? Let’s take a look at five tales about people who though they were supposed to be somewhere else; but in reality they were right where they belonged. Oh, and never mind that guy in the hood. That’s just the crypt keeper. Don’t worry about him. Worry about me.
“And All Through the House”
We begin our journey with a little tale of Christmas jeer. Joanne Clayton (Joan Collins) has been a bad girl for the holidays. She’s gone so far as to murder her husband in cold blood to collect the insurance. That’s alright; Santa Claus is coming to see her tonight. With his beady eyes, strong hands and homicidal disposition he should be able to give Joanne exactly the kind of present a bad girl like her deserves.
There, now wasn’t that a fun little way to get things started? Joan Collins can be hard to swallow at times with her lack of acting chops; but she played the victim quite well, don’t you think? Just for that we’ll give this first tale 
.
“Reflection of Death”
Oh, now isn’t that special? First we had the story of a murderer and now we continue with the tale of an adulterer. Ian Hendry stars as Carl Maitland; a man who kisses his wife, says goodbye to his children and runs to a new life with his beautiful mistress. Too bad there’s oncoming traffic on the road to thwart his plans. Have you seen Carl lately? He’s just not the same anymore.
Okay, you can see the ending to that one from a mile away. Those dream within a dream sequences are a dime a dozen. That was a good delivery, but a bad twist. for this one.
“Poetic Justice”
Poor Mister Grimsdyke. He’s such a nice old man. He’s kind to animals and the children just adore him. But there are some people in this world that are just plain greedy and mean. James Elliot is just such a man. He wants to drive Mister Grimsdyke out of town and instead he drives him to an early grave. A year passes and James tries to feel guilty, but his heart’s just not in it. What am I saying? His heart’s not in anything.
Two words: Peter Cushing. Whether he played a good guy, a bad guy, a hero or a heel he was always a joy. for this tale of greed and justice.
“Wish You Were Here”
Do you remember the story “The Monkey’s Paw“? It’s a cautionary tale about being careful about what you wish for. Enid (Barbara Murray) wished for lots of money and her husband Ralph (Richard Greene) was killed in a horrible auto accident. His insurance policy made her a wealthy woman; but she wanted her husband. So she wished him back alive for ever and ever. There’s only one little catch.
“The Monkey’s Paw” has been told a thousand different times in a thousand different ways. This version is decent, but that’s really all it is.
“BLIND ALLEYS”
Never under any circumstances underestimate the power of the blind. Maj. William Rogers (Nigel Patrick) did exactly that at a home for the blind. First he cut the heat. Then the food. So George (Patrick Magee) and the rest of the men got even. First they got the Major’s dog, then they got the Major. Next came the razor blades.
Here is a tale that sets out to prove that H.G. Wells was wrong. The one-eyed man is not king in the kingdom of the blind. So heed my warning and be nice to the blind. If you don’t, you just might end up like Major Rogers. We’ll give this tale a high rating of ½.
So there you have it. We all know why they were here. We all know where they are headed. What about you, my friend? Where are you headed?
TRIVIA
Peter Cushing is said to “act as himself” in this movie: Cushing’s wife had died recently and he was very depressed; while Cushing’s character is a widower who uses a Ouija to talk with his dead wife.
Ralph Richardson filmed his major role in a day.
Robert Zemeckis has said this is his favorite movie to watch on Halloween since it was released. he later produced a HBO show based off the comic series and directed the first episode, which was also the first story in the movie.
Stephen King and George A. Romero considered remaking this movie together. Their work together resulted in a completely separate but similar film, Creepshow.
Overall Rating:
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THE WICKER MAN (1973)
THE WICKER MAN (1973)-United Kingdom-1973
Edward Woodward as Sergeant Howie
Britt Ekland as Willow
Diane Cilento as Miss Rose
Ingrid Pitt as Librarian
Christopher Lee as Lord Summerisle
Directed by Robin Hardy
Written by Anthony Shaffer
This is one of those times that I wish I had a thesaurus. I would use it to find the words to describe “The Wicker Man.” It would seem that the word ‘bizarre’ would be the first word that would come to mind. Yes, but that is a word that is used quite frequently to describe movies and books and music that we either don’t understand or that we refuse to understand. I’ve got a better word for “The Wicker Man”: masterpiece. It is a film that goes above the norm for not only horror films, which it most definitely is; but also for films in general terms.
Edward Woodward is Sergeant Howie, a man of devout Christian beliefs who travels to Summerisle to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. His beliefs are a polar contrast to the pagan teachings of the people of the island and every time he gets close to the truth he is instead lead down a path of deceit. The film culminates with him being played the fool one final time and understanding the truth about the people of Summerisle and that is all I will say about that. To go any further would risk the reveal of an ending that is still as shocking today as it was in 1973. It must be seen to be believed.
Christopher Lee has gone on record as saying that his role as Lord Summerisle is indeed one of his greatest of roles and it is easy to understand why. Lee, like Vincent Price, has always had a penchant for chewing the scenery instead of being a part of it. In “The Wicker Man” he maintains a balance that is nothing short of extraordinary. Edward Woodward is equally brilliant in his role as Sergeant Howie. I don’t know what Woodward’s beliefs or religious preferences were, but I can assure you that the role was a testimony to his profession as an actor. Woodward makes us believe in Howie because he believes in Howie.
I cannot even begin to bestow enough accolades on “The Wicker Man.” It is a surrealistic film that is both psychedelic fever dream and old school horror combined in a neat little package. See it.
TRIVIA
A body double was secretly used for the naked rear shots of Willow dancing. The scenes were filmed after Britt Ekland had left the set. The body double was used because Ekland would only agree to topless shots of her body. After shooting was over, not only was Ekland furious to learn she had been doubled in some shots but that she was also a few weeks pregnant in that scene. Director Robin Hardy says it was Ekland herself who did not want her bottom to be filmed, as she did not like it.
Christopher Lee agreed to appear in this film for free.
Although the film is set in Scottish territory and all the characters are meant to be of Scottish nationality, all five of of the leading cast are not Scottish: Christopher Lee andEdward Woodward are English, Diane Cilento is Australian, Ingrid Pitt is Polish and Britt Ekland is Swedish.
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THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE
THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE-United Kingdom-1973
Pamela Franklin as Florence Tanner
Roddy McDowall as Benjamin Franklin Fischer
Clive Revill as Dr. Barrett
Gayle Hunnicutt as Ann Barrett
Directed by John Hough
Screenplay by Richard Matheson and based on his novel “Hell House”
Alright, I may be taken to task for this one, seeing as how Richard Matheson is so revered among genre fans; but I can’t help but feel that “The Legend of Hell House” is one continuous bore. Here I was hoping for a film that would be similar in tone to the masterful “The Haunting” and instead I get a film that spends more time talking about whether the house is haunted that attempting to prove that it is. “Hell House” is what would occur if, instead of Al Capone‘s vaults, Geraldo Rivera had decided to stay for one night in a ‘haunted’ house and what he would have found. The only interesting thing about the film is that you’re never really sure if the former (now deceased) resident of the house, Daniel Belasco, is responsible for the evil of the house due to his own immorality and debauchery (cool word); or if the investigators and their own hang-ups are the actual cause.
The performances in the film are good, albeit subdued to the point that I wonder whether or not the cast was partaking in illegal substances. Pamela Franklin’s performance as medium Florence Tanner is so laid back that it’s practically narcoleptic. Roddy McDowall is the only exciting performance in the film as the sole survivor of the last attempt to ascertain the secrets of Hell House. This is a guy who’s been there, done that and has the t-shirt to prove it.
If you want to see a great haunted house film then by all means see “The Haunting”. For great Richard Matheson stories then I suggest you read “Prey” or watch Spielberg’s “Duel.” If you want a guaranteed cure for insomnia then “The Legend of Hell House” is the prescription for you. You can probably even get it over the counter.
TRIVIA
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THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN
THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN-United Kingdom-1957
Hazel Court as Elizabeth
Robert Urquhart (r) as Paul Krempe
Christopher Lee as the Creature
Directed by Terence Fisher
Screenplay by Jimmy Sangster
Based on the novel by Mary Shelley
Although it was not their first movie together; that would be Lawrence Olivier‘s “Hamlet” in 1948, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee begin with “The Curse of Frankenstein” what would be a pairing that is yet to be matched in the horror genre. Cushing is Victor Frankenstein; a man obsessed with the creation of human life and who will stop at nothing to achieve that goal. Lee is his hideous creation, a creature so foul that the faint of heart would be very wise not to see this film.
Well, maybe I should say the faint of heart in the year 1957, the time of the film’s release. Hammer Films retelling of the Frankenstein could actually be considered quite a gory affair for its day. One scene in particular has blood pouring from the creature’s eye as he shot by rifle at close range. Even more shocking than the gore is Cushing’s portrayal of Victor Frankenstein. Colin Clive’s rendition in the 1931 “Frankenstein” was one that elicited sympathy for his character as he was torn by his desire to create life and his guilt over his monstrous achievement. Here, Cushing portrays Victor as uncaring, lecherous and capable of cold-blooded murder. The creature is merely a hideous reflection of his creator.
This is literally my first time seeing “The Curse of Frankenstein.” It is a film that for one reason or another has eluded me for all these years. I found it to be an incredible addition to the Frankenstein saga and was more than pleased at the pairing of Lee and Cushing in the key roles. Each actor brings strength to their role that comes from years of honing their craft to the level of masters. If you’re looking for an old fashioned film to watch late at night with the lights out and a bowl of popcorn on your lap then you need look no further than “The Curse of Frankenstein.”
TRIVIA
For many years this held the distinction of being the most profitable film to be produced in England by a British studio.
The idea originated with Milton Subotsky, who went on to co-found Amicus Films, Hammer’s main rival during the 1960s and early 1970s. The script was revised several times to avoid repeating any elements from the Universal Frankenstein series. As part of this effort, new monster make-up had to be devised especially for this film.
The original concept for this film was a black-and-white feature with Boris Karloff as the Frankenstein monster. Universal threatened a lawsuit if Hammer copied any elements from the classic Universal version. Hammer had Jimmy Sangster completely redo the script and had Jack Asher shoot it in Eastmancolour.
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THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF
THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF-United Kingdom-1961
Clifford Evans as Don Alfredo Corledo
Oliver Reed as Leon Corledo
Yvonne Romain as Servant Girl (Jailer’s Daughter)
Catherine Feller as Cristina Fernando
Directed by Terence Fisher
Written by Anthony Hinds
Based on the novel “The Werewolf of Paris” by Guy Endore
Don’t you just love these old horror movies? No matter how cheesy they are you just can’t seem to get enough of them. I remember these films from my childhood and I recall fond memories of Saturday afternoons spent watching horror movies on the local channels. Films like “The Curse of the Werewolf” kept my fingers in a position just under my eyes so that I could cover them quickly when the werewolf reared his horrible head. 40 years later and I find myself writing about the same movie that scared me so much as a boy. Life is grand.
The Curse of the Werewolf is the tale of Leon. Born on Christmas day he is cursed to become a beast, a killer, a werewolf. Oliver Reed plays the role of Leon to perfection. Here is a man who makes the most out of overacting and it shows in every scene he appears in. In the final scenes Reed is so terrifyingly good as the werewolf I actually found myself hiding my eyes like that little ten year old boy all those years ago. Alright, alright, I can’t back that up. I didn’t hide my eyes.
I hid under the bed. My dog looked at me like I was crazy. I looked at her like ‘who was under here first, bitch?’
Seriously though, “The Curse of the Werewolf” was one of my favorite horror films growing up. Watching it again after all these years was such a thrill despite the fact that it’s an overacted mess. The werewolf makeup still stands as some of the best of all time and I’m talking just as good as “The Wolf Man” here. The only question I have concerning the film is why was the werewolf’s fur blonde when Oliver Reed’s hair was black? That, my friends, is a mystery for the ages. Ah-woooooo!!!
TRIVIA
The only werewolf movie made by Hammer Studios.
Makeup-artist Roy Ashton based his makeup for this film on Jack P. Pierce’s makeup forThe Wolf Man.
In an interview, Richard Wordsworth stated that in the original screenplay his beggar character was a werewolf. Hammer told him that the censor had problems with the notion of a werewolf/rapist, so out it went.
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TRIANGLE
TRIANGLE-United Kingdom/Australia-2009
Melissa George as Jess
Michael Dorman as Greg
Rachael Carpani as Sally
Henry Nixon as Downey
Emma Lung as Heather
Liam Hemsworth as Victor
Written and directed by Christopher Smith
Triangle is a horror film disguised as a suspense film that wants to be a horror film. There are all the elements of a suspense film, but there’s enough blood and supernatural (psychological) activity to warrant calling it a horror movie. Viewing the DVD cover, I expected a movie that could be considered The Strangers at Sea. Instead I got an old Yogi Berra saying mashed up into “its deja vu all over again meets the Strangers on a boat.”
Melissa George is a single mother with an autistic child who is both a blessing and a bother to her. She loves him dearly, but she has no time to herself. She leaves him, presumably at school, to go sailing with friends. The boat is capsized during a storm and they take refuge on what appears to be an abandoned cruise ship. This is when the weird starts. If I were to tell you what happens, it would seem ridiculous. I can assure it’s not, although it may be guilty of the occasional plot hole. What I can tell you is that Triangle is an entertaining film that has you wondering in circles up to and including the very end. In fact, I believe it’s safe to say that Yogi Berra would have been very proud. It is indeed deja vu all over again.
TRIVIA
Lindsay Lohan was rumored to play the lead role. Martin Henderson was also considered for a role in this film.
The film makes many oblique references to The Shining. The number 237 crops up, which was the same number of the spooky hotel room Danny was forbidden to go into; there are also words written on a mirror, a ballroom and an axe.
It is possible to see the set of the ship at Southport Spit, Southport, Queensland, Australia on Google Earth. The exact coordinates are -27.97293,153.426902.
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THE ASPHYX
THE ASPHYX-United Kingdom-1973
Robert Stephens as Sir Hugo Cunningham
Robert Powell as Giles Cunningham
Directed by Peter Newbrook
Written by Brian Comport
Based on a story by Christina Beers and Laurence Beers
In 1982 I had been discharged from the United States Air Force and was living in Plattsburgh, a small town in upstate New York. I met a young man there who was the film critic for the local newspaper. We became good friends as it seemed that we were both fans of horror films. My friend owned an 8mm projector and every Friday night at a local bar whose name I cannot remember he would show a different film. Because of him I was able to see films such as Brides of Dracula, Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter and the film that is the subject of this review, The Asphyx.
The Asphyx can only be declared as a cautionary tale. If immortality were in our reach as it is for Sir Hugo Cunningham, would we be wise to accept it? As he photographs a person at the precise moment of death, Sir Hugo notices a dark smudge on three different photographs that were all taken with different equipment and at different times by different photographers. Hugo comes to the conclusion that the smudge is the person’s soul, or Asphyx; and that if he can trap it and control it that the person will become immortal.
The film raises the question of immortality and whether or not we have the right to achieve it; and if we do then at what price? We would never die, but we would watch as our loved ones pass away one by one until we are alone. I for one cannot say that I would want such a thing. What of remorse or guilt? Isn’t death supposed to be the final end to those emotions? The Asphyx asks these questions within its story line, but it leaves us to form our own conclusions. Personally, I feel that’s the best thing it could have done.
Looking back, after I left Plattsburgh I lost contact with my friend. I hope he is doing well. I miss those Friday nights with Dracula, Captain Kronos and of course, The Asphyx. I wonder if this review is my way of thanking him.
NO TRIVIA
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BROKEN
BROKEN-United Kingdom-2006
Nadja Brand as Hope
Abbey Stirling as Holly
Written and Directed by Adam Mason and Simon Boyes
I’m not sure how to say this in a delicate manner, so I’ll just say it. I refuse to waste time reviewing this misogynistic piece of garbage. 90 minutes of my life was wasted watching this pile of excrement. You want my review? That’s my review. I have more respect for women in my little finger than the makers of this film have in their entire bodies. This may not be a popular post and it may not get me a whole bunch of page views; but instead of a review I am including a list of links to organizations that help in the fight against rape and domestic violence. I’m sorry this isn’t my usual happy go lucky humorous review. This is a matter I feel strongly about; so maybe next time, folks.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Organization for Women
Rape Abuse and Incest National Network
Center Against Domestic Violence
The sites I have listed are just for starters. Each one will have information that will help you should you decide to become involved or if you need help in any way.
Oh yeah, no blood drops. Enough said.
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