Category Archives: Direct To Video
MIRRORS 2
MIRRORS 2-United States-2010
Nick Stahl as Max Matheson
Emmanuelle Vaugiér as Elizabeth Reigns
Christy Romano as Jenna McCarty
Evan Jones as Henry Schow
Directed by Victor Garcia
Teleplay by Matt Venne
I am lead to believe that the underlying message of Mirrors 2 is that we are our own worst enemy. There’s kind of a revolving door theory to all that; I know for a fact that I am my own worst enemy because I just watched Mirrors 2. Only someone harboring a masochistic side would voluntarily subject themselves to this piece of garbage. I can truly understand why Nick Stahl went AWOL earlier this year; the poor guy was ashamed that he made this atrocity of a motion picture. Mirrors 2 is a watered down version of the original Mirrors and it never once reaches the level of creepiness, albeit flawed, of that first film.
Max (Stahl, Sin City, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) is a security guard hired by his father (William Katt, The Greatest American Hero) to guard the soon to be re-opened Mayflower Department store. Max is going through a rough time. He lost his fiancé in a car accident and is taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist; so of course he thinks he’s crazy when he sees the image of a dead girl reflected in the mirror. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen next. If your guess is that the reflective doppelgangers of certain people act independently of their owners and cause them bloody and violent death then la-de-da for you; you just figured out 90% of the plot of this piece of crap. The other 10% is a revenge tale that doesn’t make it known until near the end of the movie.
Stahl seems to be the only one who gets any significant screen time. The rest of the cast is nothing but window dressing. It took me forever to find a photo of Christy Romano (Even Stevens) for this review. Everyone I found was a nude photo and I ended up having to crop the one I finally did use. After I saw the film I realized that she’s naked more than not. That would be a good thing except that her make-up, hair and pale skin make her look like she’s channeling Marilyn Manson.
Emmanuelle Vaugiér (Saw II, Dolan’s Cadillac) is second billed in this film. Don’t ask me why; she’s only on camera for maybe fifteen minutes. She never gets naked and that’s okay; at least she doesn’t look like the aforementioned Manson.
As for William Katt; to be honest I didn’t even realize the guy was still alive, let alone making movies. He’s in this one a whole lot too. For those of you who don’t read between the lines too well, that was sarcasm. I could keep going and going, but I’ll shut up now.
The last thing I will say is that when I am standing in front of the mirror tonight I hope and pray that my reflection doesn’t flip me off for watching this waste of time.
NO TRIVIA
½
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DARK WOLF
DARK WOLF-United States-2003
Samaire Armstrong as Josie (Image not from Dark Wolf)
Ryan Alosio as Steve Turley (Image not from Dark Wolf)
Andrea Bogart as Stacey (Image not from Dark Wolf)
Rick McCallum as Dark Wolf (Image not from Dark Wolf)
Tippi Hedren as Mary (Image not from Dark Wolf)
Kane Hodder as Biker Guy
Directed by Richard Friedman
Screenplay by Geoffrey Alan Holliday
Story by Geoffrey Alan Holliday and Charles David Scholl
Usually, when a movie has a scene in a strip club that scene is in the middle of the film and it’s not a good sign. Strip club scenes are notorious fillers, and when a movie has it at the very beginning, that’s a much worse sign of things to come for the rest of the film. Dark Wolf is that movie. There are bare breasts and bottoms galore in this movie. There’s former Playmate Jaime Bergman putting every bit of the $1.50 she spent on acting lessons into her performance. There’s Kane Hodder as a bad ass biker guy. Oh yeah, there’s a werewolf, too.
The plot, threadbare to the point of non-existent, is about a special division of the LAPD that hunts werewolves. It’s bad enough they beat the shit out of Rodney King (look him up, youngsters), but now they got to kill the werewolves as well. The particular werewolf they’re hunting is a hybrid, or dark wolf, hence the title. A dark wolf is the result of a human screwing the pooch, or the werewolf in this case. In order for the bloodline to continue, the dark wolf must find a human female who’s got the werewolf gene so he can get freaky with her. If my review sounds ridiculous, don’t blame me. I did not come up with this shit.
It’s not just the story that sucks. The acting is so bad in this movie that a sixth grade production of Twilight looks good next to it. The writing is so stereotypical it could sue for racial profiling. Stuff like ‘cop loses partner, argues with new partner that his old partner died last night, damn it!’ In other words, the kind of clichéd bullshit that should never exist in the first place. Thee werewolf looks like something that was on sale at Wal-mart. In other words, this is one bad movie.
I know that lately I’ve fallen into giving bad reviews to films. That’s not my fault. Show me a good movie and I will give it a good review. Cursed, Silver Bullet, Red Riding Hood, The Beast Within and now Dark Wolf are not good movies. To even think that they are is an insult.
NO TRIVIA
NO BLOOD DROPS
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HOSTEL: PART III
HOSTEL: PART III-United States-2011
Kip Pardue as Carter McMullen
John Hensley as Justin
Sarah Habel as Kendra
Brian Hallisay as Scott
Zulay Henao as Nikki
Directed by Scott Spiegel
Written by Michael D. Weiss and Eli Roth (characters)
Guys, have you ever been standing at a urinal, just getting ready to zip up, when someone makes the comment about how if you shake it more than three times then you’re playing with it? With the first two Hostel films, Eli Roth and company shook us just enough to have a little fun. The third film in the series is just jerking us off altogether. I just watched this film and I am now completely aware of what a cheap hooker feels like. First of all, why did they have to set this one in Vegas? Was it supposed to be a pun? You know, ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ and all that bullshit. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the kills. The first two films had some pretty damn inventive kills. These were just anemic. But you know what really pisses me off about the kills? I have the unrated version of the film. If this is the unrated version of this film then the rated version must have been produced by Walt Disney. Mufasa from The Lion King, Bambi’s mom and Ole Yeller all had scarier deaths than this film.
The other thing that I hated was how they played us along by the old cliché’ of people not being what they seem. Hello! Assholes! Been there, done that a thousand times already! Get some new material. Anyway, if you want to be played with just enough to feel nice and tingly then by all means check out the first two films in the series. If you want to be anally raped without so much as a card or flowers, then Hostel Part III is the film for you.
TRIVIA
The first film in the series to not have a theatrical release.
The first film in the series not to be directed by Eli Roth.
Barry Livingston, who portrayed Ernie Douglas on the television series “My Three Sons“, has a cameo as an Elite Hunting Club client.
NO BLOOD DROPS
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THE HOWLING REBORN
THE HOWLING REBORN-United States 2011
Lindsey Shaw as Eliana Wynter
Landon Liboiron as Will Kidman
Ivana Milicevic as Kathryn/Kay
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WRONG TURN 4: BLOODY BEGINNINGS
WRONG TURN 4: BLOODY BEGINNINGS-United States and Germany-2011
Jennifer Pudavick as Kenia
Tenika Davis as Sara
Kaitlyn Wong as Bridget
Terra Vnesa as Jenna
Written and Directed by Declan O’Brien
Wrong Turn 4 is a heartwarming family movie about 3 young boys who, despite their individual physical and mental deformities, are able to band together as one and survive in a world that is cruel to them at every turn.
Nah, I’m just f**cking with you. It’s a prequel to the original Wrong Turn and it has lots and lots of blood, gore, dismemberment and decapitation. It tells the story of Three Finger, One Eye and Saw Tooth from the time that they are kids incarcerated at Glenville Sanatorium in 1974; to 2003 when they entrap, torture and kill a group of teenagers holed up in the now abandoned building to escape from a horrific snowstorm. Hmm, I really think that it might have been in their best interest to take a chance with the blizzard.
Now, anyone who is a fan of the Wrong Turn series knows that it’s famous for one thing and that is lots and lots of gore. That’s why I was a little worried when I saw that the writer/director for this film was Declan O’Brien. O’Brien was the director of Wrong Turn 3, which was by far the weakest film in the bunch. So I was a little worried. But after the death by garroting/decapitation and the human fondue scene I can easily say my worries were for naught. O’Brien seems to have learned from his mistakes and his time behind the camera for this installment is well spent.
Wrong Turn 4 is not going to appeal to everyone. If you like a gory horror film then it is definitely for you. If not, there’s always Twilight.
Trivia
Sean Skene, the actor who portrays Vincent, also doubles as Three Finger in the film.
In the special features section of the DVD, Terra Vnesa, Jenny Pudavick, Caitlyn Wong and Tenika Davis name the cutest of the inbred Hillbillies.
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30 DAYS OF NIGHT: DARK DAYS
Image via Wikipedia
30 DAYS OF NIGHT: DARK DAYS-United States-2010
Kiele Sanchez as Stella
Rhys Coiro as Paul
Diora Baird as Amber
Harold Perrineau as Todd
Mia Kirshner as Lilith
Directed by Ben Ketai
Screenplay by Ben Ketai and Steve Niles
Based on the graphic novel by Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith
I’m at a loss of words. I just watched 30 Days of Night: Dark Days. It’s the sequel to the original film starring Josh Hartnett and Melissa George. Hartnett was killed in the first film and George is replaced by Kiele Sanchez. The film is based on the graphic novel of the same name by Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith. Niles is also the co-writer of the screenplay just as he was in the original. I’m at a loss for words because 30DoN: DD is as disappointing a sequel as you are ever likely to see. There’s a very good reason it was placed in the discount bin at Wal-Mart. This film is one of the most anemic vampire films I have ever seen.
In a plot that has been used a million times before, Stella Oleson meets a group of people who ask her to join them in ridding the world of vampires. In typical clichéd fashion she reluctantly accepts. I kept waiting for her to say something like “I work alone” or “I got my own agenda.” The group tells her they are going after the queen vampire, Lilith. The film is talk, talk, talk, talk, some action, talk, talk, talk, talk, a little more action, the end. I’ve seen better acting on WWE Monday Night Raw and better direction at a high school play.
Am I being unfair to the film? I don’t think so. I paid for this film and I have a right to express my disappointment. The DVD box has a blurb that says ‘Dark Days makes Twilight look like nursery school.’ If that’s the case then the first film makes Dark Days look like Twilight.
Trivia
During publicity for the first film, Melissa George had expressed interest in reprising her role as Stella Olemaun in the sequel. According to producers, scheduling conflicts forced George to bow out and the role was recast with Kiele Sanchez.
Lilith bathing in blood is a clear reference to Elizabeth Bathory. Elizabeth Bathory was a sixteenth to seventeenth century countess, who supposedly killed numerous young women and bathed in their blood, in an attempt to retain her youth. She, along with Vlad III the Impaler, is one of the most common historical figures to be re-imagined as a vampire in popular culture.
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TRICK ‘R TREAT
Image via Wikipedia
TRICK ‘R TREAT-United States-2007
Dylan Baker as Steven
Rochelle Aytes as Maria
Leslie Bibb as Emma
Anna Paquin as Laurie
Brian Cox as Mr. Kreeg
Trick ‘r Treat is the film which breaks the mold for anthology films. With any luck, it will be the template by which the next generation of Halloween holiday films are based. It is an entertaining, ingenious and downright fun horror film. But don’t thank Warner Brothers for it. They completely dropped the ball on getting this film a theatrical release.
Four stories, one night; Halloween night. Dylan Baker is a father teaching his son how to carve the Jack O’Lantern just right. Anna Paquin is a virginal and beautiful Little Red Riding Hood in a new twist on the old tale. A group of kids become the unwitting victims of a prank gone wrong; and Brian Cox is an old man who suffers through a bizarre home invasion. Throughout it all the tales are tied together by an impish little monstrosity with a burlap mask and a sack full of something wet and slimy. With apologies to The Beatles and Mr. Kite, a splendid time is guaranteed for all.
Never does this film follow the traditions of anthology story telling. Each story is interwoven in some way to the one before it or the one after it. People who are main characters in one story may be supporting characters in the next. Protagonists become antagonists, and vice-versa. Those who kill in one tale may be killed in another. It is a testament to Michael Dougherty’s skills as a writer and director that he is able to weave a story, or stories, of this magnitude and keep them from tripping over each other. Trick ‘r Treat is as entertaining a horror film as you are likely to see. It’s too bad Warner Brothers couldn’t see that. What a bunch of dumb-assess.
Trivia
WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END
WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END-United States-2007
Erica Leerhsen as Nina
Henry Rollins as Dale
Texas Battle as Jake
Kimberly Caldwell as Kimberly
Directed by Joe Lynch
Written by Turi Meyer and Al Septien
Wrong Turn 2: Dead Ahead is the faster, meaner inbred brother to the original Wrong Turn. It is a happy little romp through cannibal land with a cast of relative unknowns to take us along for the ride. Gorier, uglier and more perverted than the first, it’s one of those films that you just know is going to be pretty hard to top.
The story this time revolves around six people participating in a Survivor-type television show called Ultimate Survivalist, led by former retired Marine Colonel Dale Murphy (Henry Rollins). Well, before you can say ‘Game show contestants sure is good eatin’, the six become the victims of the local inbred mutant piglets and their cannibalistic eating’ habits. Who will survive and what will be left of them? Wait a minute, where have I heard that before?
Yes, there are times when WT2 seems a bit like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s especially evident in the inbred dinner scene. All they needed was Grandpa trying to hit Sally in the head with a hammer. But, I digress. Wrong Turn 2 is a pretty good little horror film on its own merit. Besides Rollins, the cast includes Kimberly Caldwell and Erica Leershsen, who was a co-star in the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (there’s your connection, folks.) The directing is tight and the gore is good. What more can you expect from a pseudo-Texas Chainsaw Massacre inbred mutant piglet clone?
Henry Rollins was the first official cast member announced.
Director Joe Lynch edited his own teaser trailer in March of 2007 with music from composer Bear McCreary and released it exclusively to DreadCentral.com after being disappointed with the first teaser FOX released a month before.
The opening scene with Kimberly Caldwell was originally supposed to involve Eliza Dushku playing herself in a cameo.
½
