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Category Archives: Films Based on Novels or Short Stories

THE MOTH DIARIES

THE MOTH DIARIES-Canada/Ireland-2011

The-moth-diaries-scott-speedman-30806781-940-1393

Lily Cole as Ernessa

Lily Cole as Ernessa

Sarah Gadon (m) as Lucy

Sarah Gadon (m) as Lucy

Sarah Bolger as Rebecca

Sarah Bolger as Rebecca

Judy Parfitt as Mrs. Rood (Image not from film)

Judy Parfitt as Mrs. Rood (Image not from film)

Scott Speedman as Mr. Davies

Scott Speedman as Mr. Davies

Directed by Mary Harron

Screenplay by Mary Harron

Based on the novel by Rachel Klein

This is a tough one. I see The Moth Diaries not as a traditional vampire tale; i.e. Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu or Dracula by Bram Stoker; in which the vampire appears almost out of nowhere and begins to slowly insinuate its way into the lives of its victims. I may be wrong; and I am certain there will be enough eager people out there to tell me that I am; but I saw The Moth Diaries as a loss not of life, but of friendship. An alternate title could have been “How to Lose Your B.F.F. to the Pale Chick across the Hall”. Rebecca (Sarah Bolger, Once Upon a Time, Crush), Lucy (Sarah Gadon, Antiviral, Cosmopolis), Charley (Valerie Tian, 21 Jump Street), Dora (Melissa Farman) and Sofia (Laurence Hamelin) are best friends who attend the Brangwyn School for Girls. The bond between Rebecca and Lucy is stronger because, as Rebecca writes in her diary, Lucy taught her how to live again after the suicide of her father.

Enter Ernessa (Lily Cole, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus). Raven-haired, pale and with a foreign lilt to her speech and an air of mystery surrounding her; she slowly works her way into the circle of friends; influencing them, charming them, stealing them away until Rebecca is left with no one. What is Ernessa’s secret? Is she a vampire, as Rebecca wants to believe; or has Rebecca been taking Mr. Davies’ (Scott Speedman, Underworld) class on literature and the supernatural a bit too seriously? What about that smell, simultaneously sweet and rotting coming from Ernessa’s room? What about the thousands of moths? Did Rebecca and Dora really see Ernessa intangibly enter her bedroom window from several stories up?

I never read the novel The Moth Diaries. I base my review on the strengths and weaknesses of the movie alone. Two things I discovered are that I liked the movie better than I thought I would. It’s a well-acted and more capable film than its given credit for. The other thing is that I plan to read the source novel by Rachel Klein. Will I love the book and hate the film after reading; or will it be the other way around? Who knows? That’s the fun of it.

One more thing that I noticed: Scott Speedman, who plays the teacher Mr. Davies, also played a werewolf (lycan) in Underworld; which would basically make him a werewolf in a girl’s dormitory. I just wanted to put that out there for you.

NO TRIVIA

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ANIMALS

ANIMALS-United States-2012

Animals

Marc Blucas as Jarrett (Image not from film)

Marc Blucas as Jarrett (Image not from film)

Nicki Aycox as Nora

Nicki Aycox as Nora (Image not from film)

Eva Anurri as Jane (Image not from film)

Eva Amurri as Jane (Image not from film)

Andy Comeau as Jules

Andy Comeau as Jules (Image not from film)

Naveen Andrews as Vic (Image not from film)

Naveen Andrews as Vic (Image not from film)

Directed by Arnold Cassius

Adaptation and written by Craig Spector

Based on the novel by John Skipp and Craig Spector

I want to begin by asking a question that is mainly aimed at movie reviewers like me: have you ever watched a movie that was so unbelievably bad that you found yourself at a loss or a near loss for words when it came time to review it? If your answer is yes then you know exactly how I feel about Animals. I want to kick Craig Spector’s ass for writing the screenplay to this film as it is a complete bastardization of his excellent book co-written with John Skipp. I think that John Skipp should sue Spector and the filmmakers for defamation of character. I think Nicki Aycox should sue the filmmakers for telling her this was going to be a werewolf film when it was really a soft-core porno film. I saw Aycox naked so many times in this movie I felt like I was cheating on my wife. This movie is so bad it makes Showgirls look like a Scorcese film.

The plot reads like a porn script with werewolves tossed in as an afterthought. Jarrett (Marc Blucas, Knight and DayThey) meets Nora (Nicki Aycox, 51Jeepers Creepers 2); they screw. They meet again and guess what; yep, they screw again. They meet for a third time, only this time instead of screwing Jarrett performs an oral sex scene with Nora that looks all too real. Did I mention Vic (Naveen Andrews, Planet TerrorThe English Patient), Nora’s jealous werewolf boyfriend? How about Jane (Eva Amurri, Dead Man WalkingSaved!), the waitress/bartender with the hots for Jarrett and who knows a little more than she lets on. Amurri is the only redeeming quality in this laughable film.

Bad writing, bad directing, unnecessary use of slo-mo, music for porno and horrific effects add up to a film that a werewolf would piss all over after tearing the hearts out of the people who made it. Animals bites, and not in the kinky sexy way; after it was over I left $20.00 and a can of Alpo on the nightstand.

One more thing; IMDb.com users gave this a 3.8 rating; Netflix users rated it 4½ out of 5 stars. Studies show that the majority of Netflix users may very well be mentally challenged.

NO TRIVIA

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THE RELIC

THE RELIC-United States/United Kingdom/Germany/Japan/New Zealand-1997

relic_poster_01

Penelope Ann Miller as Dr. Margo Green

Penelope Ann Miller as Dr. Margo Green

Linda Hunt as Dr. Ann Cuthbert

Linda Hunt as Dr. Ann Cuthbert

James Whitmore as Dr. Albert Frock

James Whitmore as Dr. Albert Frock

Directed by Peter Hyams

Screenplay by Amy Jones, John Raffo, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver

Based on the novel by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child

If there is one thing that I have learned in the 40-plus years that I’ve been watching movies it is this: if you have an idea people will steal it and turn it into something of their own. It doesn’t matter how great an idea it is and it doesn’t matter how old it is and it certainly doesn’t matter if it was successful in the first place. For example, “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” was written by Ambrose Bierce in 1890; yet I can think of two movies, Jacob’s Ladder (1990) and Sucker Punch (2011) that blatantly steal its premise.

Another idea that seems to be ‘borrowed’ from a lot is one that I like to call the “Jaws Syndrome”. Let’s use The Relic as an example to break it down. First, you have a place; in the case of The Relic that place is the Chicago Museum of Natural History. Then you have a gala, party or celebration in that place that must occur no matter what. In The Relic it is the occasion of the grand opening of the spectacular “Superstition” exhibit that’s going to make the museum all sorts of money. Now, Jaws had a shark; but we can’t really put a shark in the middle of a museum to wreak havoc, now can we? Enter the Kothoga, a Chimera of a creature that loves to rip the heads off of its victims and suck out the hypothalamus. It’s a big, nasty juggernaut of a beast.  Let’s move on to the characters now, shall we?

Dr. Margo Green (Penelope Ann Miller, Carlito’s Way, The Artist); Margo is the Matt Hooper of The Relic. She’s a scientist who knows the inner workings of the Kothoga and what she doesn’t know she’ll gladly interpolate on her super cool interpolator.

If we have a Hooper, then surely we must have a Sheriff Brody. That would be Lt. Vincent D’Agosta (Tom Sizemore, Natural Born Killers, Saving Private Ryan). Lt. D’Agosta is the superstitious type who doesn’t pick up a penny if its head down on the floor, will not step over a dead body and he carries around a lucky bullet to remind him why he’s alive. He’s in way over his head with Kothoga, but by golly he’s going to save the swimmers, I mean museum attendees from that awful Great White shark, I mean that nasty head-chomping monster  whether the Mayor (Robert Lesser) likes it or not. That, ladies and gentlemen, is an example of the “Jaws Syndrome”. If you need further references, then I direct your attention to Piranha, Grizzly, and Dante’s Peak.

I liked The Relic, in case you were wondering. It’s one of those movies that remind me why I love horror movies in the first place; and that is because I love monsters. The Kothoga is big, mean, fast and it can climb on walls, so don’t even think about escaping through the skylight like that hapless S.W.A.T. team member tried to do.

The movie does have its flaws; the main one being that its way too dark in several key scenes and I found myself straining to figure out what was happening. I find this flaw surprising seeing as how director Peter Hyams is also the director of photography. Perhaps he assumed that ‘dark’ means ‘mysterious’ when in this case ‘dark’ means ‘dark’ and that is all. Fortunately the more illuminated scenes allow us to see Kothoga in all its glory as I’m sure SFX master Stan Winston intended us to.

If you want a dumb, mindless and fun movie then you can’t go wrong with The Relic. It’s the Jaws of museum monster movies.

TRIVIA

One of the sound effects is a floppy disk drive access sound from an Apple Macintosh computer (not the Silicon Graphics computers).

Harrison Ford was director Peter Hyams’s first choice for the lead role of Vincent D’Agosta (played by Tom Sizemore).

Audra Lindley’s last feature film.

The preparation of the fictional elixir given to John Whitney by the Amazon tribesmen, and the ceremony surrounding it, strongly parallels the real-life consumption of ayahuasca, a psychoactive tea used religiously by numerous Amazon tribes.

The improvised explosive Margo makes using two jars is very similar to the one made byJean-Claude Van Damme’s character in Sudden Death, director Peter Hyams’ previous film.

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THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE

THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE-United States/Germany-1997

devils-advocate

Keanu Reeves as Kevin Lomax

Keanu Reeves as Kevin Lomax

Al Pacino as John Milton

Al Pacino as John Milton

Charlize Theron as Mary Ann Lomax

Charlize Theron as Mary Ann Lomax

Jeffrey Jones as Eddie Barzoon

Jeffrey Jones as Eddie Barzoon

Judith Ivey as Mrs. Alice Lomax

Judith Ivey as Mrs. Alice Lomax

Craig T. Nelson as Alexander Cullen

Craig T. Nelson as Alexander Cullen (Image not from “The Devil’s Advocate“)

Directed by Taylor Hackford

Screenplay by Jonathan Lemkin and Tony Gilroy

Based on the novel by Andrew Niederman

Keanu and Al’s Hellish Adventure…

(Conversation between two slackers)

Dude, have you ever, like, seen The Devil’s Advocate?”

“No, Dude; is it, like, missing?”

“Dumbass, The Devil’s Advocate is a movie.”

“Oh yeah? Who’s in it?”

“Keanu Reeves… (Both dudes achieve a ‘more stoned than usual’ look on their faces and begin to bow and raise and lower their hands in reverence)

(Simultaneously at the same time) KING KEANU, WE’RE NOT WORTHY! KING KEANU, WE’RE NOT WORTHY!

“Dude, that’s so righteous! Who else is in it?”

“Al Pacino.”

“Dude, the Godfather?”

“You know it, dude.”

“Oh, that is so awesome.”

“Charlize Theron is in it, too.”

“Oh dude, I had the most awesome dream about her. We were at my place and we were gettin’ it on so hot and I knew that I was gonna get so lucky and she says ‘come and get it, big boy’ and I was getting ready to come and get it and I took off my shirt and my pants and I…

“Dude, stop!”

“Nah dude, it’s cool; my mom woke me up. I was mad at her for a week.”

“Thank her for me.”

“Yeah, right. So, what’s this movie about?”

“Well, Keanu plays this totally successful lawyer in Florida. I mean, dude, this dude is like 640-0. He’s never lost a case. He’s the dude you go to if you’re a dude in serious shit.”

“Whoa.”

“Anyway, this other dude, played by Pacino, takes notice of our dude and invites him to work for him at his way cool fancy law firm in New York City. Our dude Keanu and his ultra-hot babe of a wife Charlize travel all the way from Florida to New York so he can work with this dude.”

“Wow. Wait, dude, that doesn’t sound like much of a movie.”

“Nope.”

“Then what’s the point?”

‘Well, that other dude, the one in New York?”

“Yeah?”

“He’s the devil.”

“No way!”

“Way.”

“No freakin’ way!”

“Yes freakin’ way.”

(Dude 2 has to sit down for a moment. Oh wait, he’s a slacker; he’s already sitting.)

“Okay, so what happens next?”

“All kinds of freaky shit; There’s demon’s and people that look like people but are really demons. Charlize goes totally bonkers and gets totally naked and…”

“Whoa, Charlize gets naked?”

“Dude, it’s not a pretty sight, trust me.”

“Yeah, but she wouldn’t even get naked for me in my dream. Oh, and then there was that whole Monster thing. That was worse than when I saw my grandma coming out of the shower.”

“Dude, push your ‘off’ button.”

“Sorry. So, is the movie any good?”

“It doesn’t totally suck if that’s what you’re asking. I mean it’s got Keanu in it and, let’s face it, he may be our righteous king, but he so cannot act.”

“Blasphemy, dude!”

“Dude, reality check.”

(Dude 2 ponders for a moment; images of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Speed and numerous other Keanu-tastrophes come to mind.)

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Dude, if you see this movie, you gotta see it for Pacino and Pacino only. Charlize is good, but not as good as she was in Monster. Pacino is so convincing as the Devil that I think the devil himself saw him and said, “Whoa, that dude is me! I mean, Pacino doesn’t just chew the scenery like he did in Scent of a Woman, he totally swallows it whole.”

“Oh, that is so awesome! I am so gonna check this one out.”

“Alright, dude.”

(Dude 2 ponders again as he often does.)

“Dude, I just had the most totally weird thought?”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“Dude, what if you and me were the figment of some dude’s imagination? What if everything we just talked about was because some dude said, “I’m gonna write about these two dudes having a conversation about a movie and he created us just for that purpose. Oh shit, I’m getting brain freeze just thinking about it.”

“Okay dude, chill out. We are not the figment of some dude’s imagination?”

“Oh yeah? Well riddle me this, Batman; do you remember what we did yesterday? How about last week?”

(Now they both ponder with confused looks upon their faces. Then they look at the space in front of them as if they can see something or someone visible only to themselves.)

(Again, simultaneously) “Dude?”

What?

TRIVIA

Sculptor Frederick Hart and the Episcopal National Cathedral in Washington, DC, sued Warner Brothers over a sculpture that appears in the film and closely resembles Hart’s “Ex Nihilo”, which is situated above Milton’s desk in his apartment. A last-minute deal was negotiated to allow the sculpture to remain in the film.

Connie Nielsen‘s character speaks Spanish in the Italian release of the movie, and Italian in all the others. Nielsen is in fact Danish, and this was her American film debut.

Joel Schumacher was originally set to direct the film in 1994 with Brad Pitt to star as Kevin Lomax. Christian Slater, John Cusack and Edward Norton were then considered for the role.

The character of John Milton is named for John Milton, the author of “Paradise Lost,” the classic epic poem about man’s fall from God’s grace. When Lomax is in Milton’s office at the end of the film, he says “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven,” from Book I Line 263 of the same work.

Each time Mary Ann (Charlize Theron) tries a different color of green on the apartment walls, only to be discouraged by her “friend” Jackie (Tamara Tunie), Jackie is wearing some article of clothing or jewelry that is the exact same shade of green.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON TWO, EPISODE ONE: THE DAMNED THING

MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON TWO, EPISODE ONE: THE DAMNED THING-United States/Canada-2006

Masters_of_Horror__The_Damned_Thing_-_Tobe_Hooper

Sean Patrick Flannery as Sheriff Kevin Reddle

Sean Patrick Flannery as Sheriff Kevin Reddle

Ted Raimi as Father Tulli

Ted Raimi as Father Tulli

Directed by Tobe Hooper

Teleplay by Richard Christian Matheson

Based on the short story by Ambrose Bierce

Sean Patrick Flannery (The Boondock Saints, Powder) stars as a small time sheriff trying to save his town from an unseen force that compels people to violence and homicidal tendencies in The Damned Thing, the kick off to the second season of Masters of Horror. Adapted by Richard Christian Matheson from a short story by Ambrose Bierce (already a master of horror on the basis of only one story, “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge“), the episode makes a lot of changes from the epistolary nature of its original source in order to bring it up to date for a modern day setting. The story is compelling enough to a degree to keep things moving along, but sadly that doesn’t translate into anything remotely interesting. Flannery and Marisa Coughlan (Freddy Got Fingered, Teaching Mrs. Tingle) do their best to carry the film; with a little help from that the Raimi known as Ted, but it’s just not enough. This is Tobe Hooper’s second turn in the director’s chair for Masters of Horror and he seems even more lost than he did the first time around with Dance of the Dead. I remember I said in that review that maybe it was time to re-think that “Master of Horror” title given to Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Salem’s Lot). After The Damned Thing I think it’s evident he’s outlived the honor.

This is the way Season Two begins.

This is the way Season Two begins.

This is the way Season Two begins.

Not with a bang,

Not with a whimper.

Just a dull thud

NO TRIVIA TO SEE HERE, FOLKS. 

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TWELVE: HAECKEL’S TALE

MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TWELVE: HAECKEL’S TALE-United States/Canada-2006

Masters_of_Horror__Haeckel_s_Tale_-_John_McNaughton

Jon Polito as Montesquino

Jon Polito as Montesquino

Directed by John McNaughton

Teleplay by Mick Garris

Based on the short story by Clive Barker

Haeckel’s Tale is a cautionary tale that warns us to be careful what we wish for, or we may just get it. What’s entertaining about it is that despite the fact that the warning has become a cliché’, the story never slips into that territory for one second. Ernst Haeckel, (Derek Cecil, Men in Black II, The Next Three Days) is a man who believes that science and not God or sorcery, both of which he has disdain for, is what will bring the dead back to life. But then two things occur that shake these beliefs to the very core. First he meets Montesquino (Jon Polito, The Big Lebowski,and The Man Who Wasn’t There); a necromancer who claims that he can raise the dead. Secondly he meets Wolfram (Tom McBeath, Along Came a Spider) an elderly gentleman and his young bride, Elise (Leela Savasta, This Means War, and The Craigslist Killer). There is a scene where Wolfram finds Haeckel camped outside a necropolis (cemetery) and informs him that it is not good to be so close to where the dead are laid. When I say that there is a lot of double entendre in that warning, trust me, there is. Elise is still in love with her deceased husband; which is okay. A lot of people are still in love with those that they have lost. But when Haeckel discovers Elise in the graveyard looking like Jenna Jameson as she rides cowgirl on the re-animated corpse of her hubby while a bunch of undead onlookers enjoy the show, it’s just a little bit more than he can handle. The only thing that kept “Let’s Get It On” from being played on the soundtrack while the scene plays out is that Haeckel’s Tale is a period piece that takes place in the 19th century. Haeckel’s Tale is the twelfth episode of Season One of Masters of Horror and it is one of the better episodes of the season. This is frustrating in that I don’t know whether to be optimistic for Season Two; or to wonder what took them so long to get things going with Season One.

TRIVIA

George A. Romero was originally going to direct, but couldn’t fit it in his schedule. ThenRoger Corman was approached to helm the episode, but health issues came up and he was then replaced by John McNaughton.

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MISERY

MISERY-United States-1990

James Caan as Paul Sheldon

Frances Sternhagen as Virginia

Richard Farnsworth as Buster

Lauren Bacall as Marcia Sindell

Directed by Rob Reiner

Screenplay by William Goldman

Based on the novel by Stephen King

“Misery” is a movie that I’ve watched only twice in the twenty-two years since its release. I don’t hate the movie; in fact I thought it was actually one of the best adaptations of a Stephen King novel at the time of its premiere and I still think that’s true. I believe that King played off of his own fears as a best-selling author in meeting his fans. There are people out there who are very much like Annie Wilkes; people who take everything that is written to heart and don’t take too well to drastic changes in their favorite characters. Some even go so far as to not understand the line between reality and fantasy.nuttymadam3575 and her “H0w could you do this, Kristen?” rant comes to mind. If you don’t believe me just check out her YouTube channel. Trust me, she’s not the only fan (atic) and “Twilight” is not the only movie with fans who have more crackers and less cheese.

But I digress a bit. Let’s get on with the story. Paul Sheldon (James Caan, “The Godfather”, and “Rollerball”) is a highly successful novelist of the Misery Chastain Victorian romance novels. You’ve seen the type of books; a heaving beauty of bodacious décolletage graces the cover and inside is a plot that is interchangeable with any of the other books in the series. Sheldon crashes his car, and himself, and is rescued by Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates, “Primary Colors”, “About Schmidt”), a former nurse who takes Paul in to her  home because she’s his ‘number one fan’. Every time Annie says this you can see that there are lot of big honking bats in that belfry of hers. She’s not so much a fan of Paul Sheldon as she is of his creation, Misery Chastain. In fact, when she discovers that Paul has killed Misery off; she goes completely over the edge. She wants him to bring Misery back and will stop at nothing to see that he does just that. Do you remember I said I’ve only seen this movie once? There’s a reason for that; I happen to like my ankles and do not wish to cause them harm, imaginary or otherwise. If you’ve seen the movie you know exactly what I’m talking about.

“Misery” succeeds as an adaptation for two reasons: strong performances from the leads and a strong adaptation of the novel from screenwriter William Goldman (“Marathon Man”). James Caan is excellent as Paul Sheldon. I’ve liked the guy ever since he was Sonny Corleone in “The Godfather” and he has never disappointed me since.

But it is Kathy Bates who is the centerpiece of this film. A relative unknown when the film was released, Bates made Annie Wilkes her own character and gives one of the most terrifying performances in the history of cinema. No character she has portrayed since then has held a candle to Annie Wilkes. The Oscar for Best Actress wasn’t given to her, she earned it.

I also must give mention of Rob Reiner and the admirable job he does behind the camera. “Misery” is a movie that could have easily slipped into parody and Reiner never allows that to happen. Also, Richard Farnsworth is good as Buster, the near-solitary voice of reason and sanity in the film.

Revisiting “Misery” brings a smile to my face. That seems weird to say, but it’s true.

TRIVIA

The main character Paul Sheldon’s novels are published by Viking, the same publishing company that published Stephen King’s books at that time.
According to William Goldman’s book “Four Screenplays”, the main character role, Paul Sheldon, was offered to William Hurt, ‘Kevin Kline, Michael Douglas, Harrison Ford, Dustin Hoffman, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Richard Dreyfuss, Gene Hackman, Robert Redford, and Warren Beatty, all of whom declined.
Anjelica Huston was offered the leading role, and was interested, but was unable to accept it due to her commitment to The Grifters. Bette Midler also turned the role down before it went to Kathy Bates.
As of 2010 this is the only Stephen King adaptation to receive an Academy Award.

THINNER

 

THINNER-United States-1996

Robert John Burke as Billy Halleck

Joe Mantegna as Richie Ginelli

Michael Constantine as Tadzu Lempke

Kari Wuhrer as Gina Lempke

Directed by Tom Holland

Screenplay by Michael McDowell and Tom Holland

Based on the novel by Stephen King, writing as Richard Bachman

THE FAT 

Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke, “Robocop 3“, and “Limitless”) is a small town lawyer with a big appetite and the girth to show for it. He’s so fat, in fact, that his wife worries for his health and is continually monitoring his caloric intake. After Billy successfully defends crime boss Richie ‘The Hammer’ Ginelli (Joe Mantegna, “The Godfather Part III“, “Criminal Minds“), he takes her out to dinner to celebrate. On the drive home, she does something for Billy to help take his mind off of food. I don’t want to be crude, so let’s just say it starts with the unzipping of his pants and you can use your imagination for the rest. It’s kind of sad, though; Billy forgot car sex rule number one: keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel*. Caught up in the moment, Billy runs down an old gypsy woman, killing her. One mock trial later, with his friend the judge residing and his pal the traffic cop testifying (lying), Billy walks away without points even being taken off his license. If only it were that easy. With the stroke of his hand on Billy’s cheek and the whisper of a word, “Thinner”, the old gypsy king Tadzu Lempke puts a curse on Billy. As the days go by, Billy loses weight at a rapid pace. Not wanting to believe that Lempke put a curse on him until it’s too late, Billy does what any normal red-blooded American asshole would do; he blames his wife and her ‘oral talent’ for his predicament. Suspecting her of infidelity, first Billy wants the curse removed. Then he wants revenge.

THE SKINNY

“Thinner” is not a movie that I would include in my top ten list. It’s not even a movie I would want if I were stranded on a desert island. By all standards it’s not even a good movie. It’s overacted and directed with too much emphasis on tongue in cheek humor than on the main message of the story; revenge is a dish that is best served cold, but it should never be served at all. Revenge is not justice and it will not bring the dead back to life. Add all that to the fact that you don’t feel sympathy to any character in the movie and you have a recipe for disaster. With all that said, why do I find myself coming back time and again to this movie? It can’t be because I’m a Stephen King fan because I’m not. I like the majority of what he writes; but I don’t go bonkers every time the guy puts out a new book or movie. I can’t even call “Thinner” a guilty pleasure because I don’t feel one bit guilty about it. Despite everything my brain tells me, I like this movie. End of story.

TRIVIA

Director Tom Holland wasn’t happy with the ending; the producers changed the original one (which was faithful to the novel) because every test audience hated it.

Stephen King:  the author appears as Dr. Bangor (Bangor, Maine, is where King lives).

UNRELATED TRIVIA

Robert John Burke (Billy Halleck) spent several days at Ground Zero after the 9/11 attacks, assisting with search and rescue. He has since become a certified New York State firefighter.

*My apologies to Jim Morrison and The Doors for lifting from ‘Roadhouse Blues’.

½

 

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN

THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN-United States-2008

Leslie Bibb as Maya

Brooke Shields as Susan Hoff

Tony Curran as Driver

Roger Bart as Jurgis

Vinnie Jones as Mahogany

Directed by Ryûhei Kitamura

Screenplay by Jeff Buhler

Based on the short story by Clive Barker

The blurb on the DVD release of Clive Barker’s “The Midnight Meat Train” proclaims that it’s the best adaptation of his work since the first “Hellraiser” film. While I agree that it is easily one of the best films of one of Barker’s stories, I disagree with how far back they’ve gone to compare it. If it were me, I would go back to “Candyman”, a film based on his “The Forbidden”. Both films are based on stories from Barker’s “Books of Blood” and both feature a hero or heroine who eventually ends up becoming the evil they are attempting to vanquish.

Bradley Cooper (“The Hangover” and “Limitless”) is Leon, a photographer with hopes of taking that next step of recognition so that he can stop making money by selling his photos to the Post. He becomes obsessed with a butcher named Mahogany, portrayed by Vinnie Jones (“Snatch”, “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels“) who he begins to believe has been murdering people on the night train for over a hundred years. The closer Leon gets to the truth, the more he puts his girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb, “Trick ‘r’ Treat”) and his best friend Jurgis (Roger Bart, “Hostel Part II“) in danger.

The film adaptations of Clive Barker’s work has been spotty, to say the least. While films like “Hellraiser” and “Candyman” were well received; films like “Rawhead Rex“, “Nightbreed” and “Lord of Illusion” were vilified upon their release. This goes far to explain why “The Midnight Meat Train” was released to the discount or dollar theaters upon its initial release. It’s a shame, too; “Meat Train” is a good film. The acting is above average for a horror film and there’s enough gore in the film to please the splatter freaks; including an eye-popping moment featuring Ted Raimi as a hapless passenger on the train.

My only complaint is that the ending was a bit too neat in that it wrapped things up a little too quickly. Besides that, though, “The Midnight Meat Train” is one that Clive Barker can be proud of.

TRIVIA

Clive Barker provided some of the paintings seen in Susan Hoff’s (Brooke Shields) art gallery.

Vinnie Jones and Bradley Cooper were born exactly ten years apart on January 5th. Vinnie in 1965, and Bradley in 1975.

The train in the film is a modified 2200 Chicago elevated car.

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA-United Kingdom-1962

Herbert Lom as The Phantom

Heather Sears as Christine Charles

Thorley Walters as Lattimer

Michael Gough as Lord Ambrose D’arcy

Edward de Souza as Harry Hunter

Directed by Terence Fisher

Screenplay by John Elder

Based on the novel by Gaston Leroux

Gaston Leroux’s 1910 novel “Le Fantôme de l’Opéra”, or “The Phantom of the Opera”, has been told in many forms over the years. There was, of course, the classic 1925 film starring Lon Chaney, Sr. as Erik and Mary Philbin as Christine. Then there is the 1943 edition starring Claude Rains and Susanna Foster. Even director Dario Argento has aimed his directorial vision at this tragic tale.

But it is the 1962 Hammer Films edition of the film that I remember best. Not because I remember seeing the film; until now I had never seen the film. I remember it because I was not allowed to watch when it first premiered on television as the movie of the week for Saturday night. The film premiered in theaters in August of 1962; so I can only guess that I may have been 3 or 4 years old when it made its TV debut. Thinking I was too young, my parents sent me away to bed. However, they didn’t bother turning down the volume. I remember hearing Christine’s beautiful voice as she sang for the Phantom (Herbert Lom, “The Dead Zone”). I remember that the Phantom would tell her that she would sing ‘only for me’. Finally, my memory is hearing the announcer’s voice saying ‘We continue now with…The Phantom of the Opera.’ I knew that one day I would see this film and that I would wonder if I would be as scared to see it as my parents thought I would be. Honestly speaking, that is not the case at all.

Horror films are filled with creatures of all kinds. Many of them are evil and deserve our disdain. They are hideous to behold and are the stuff of our nightmares. As for the Phantom of the Opera, that is not so. He is a man to be pitied. He had a gift and it was stolen from him. He lashed out in anger and was punished. Here is a man who merely wanted his songs to be sung and his music to be heard. For Hammer’s Phantom, the monster is not the man behind the mask, but the cruel and unscrupulous Lord D’Arcy (Michael Gough in a deliciously over the top performance). He is a thief, a scoundrel of the lowest morals. He is the most inhuman of monsters because he is all too human in the first place. The Phantom hides a beautiful soul behind a hideous mask. Lord D’arcy is hideous through and through; no mask in the world could hide such corruption.

Looking back, I’m actually glad my parents sent me off to bed. My impressionable young mind may not have understood that the bad guy is not always who we think it is.

TRIVIA

The film was originally written for Cary Grant, who wanted to do a horror film. The Phantom’s character was rewritten as a more tragic figure, with the dwarf (played here by Ian Wilson) doing the actual violence, to suit Grant’s image. Grant declined the part (possibly unhappy with the watered down character) and it went to Lom.

The mask was made on the fly just before shooting out of cloth, tape, string and paint.

At one point, Christopher Lee was seriously considered for the Phantom part.

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