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Category Archives: Films Released in 2005

MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE EIGHT: JOHN CARPENTER’S CIGARETTE BURNS

Dec 10

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE EIGHT: JOHN CARPENTER’S CIGARETTE BURNS-United States-2005

Masters_of_Horror__Cigarette_Burns_-_John_Carpenter

Norman Reedus as Kirby

Norman Reedus as Kirby

Udo Kier (R) as Bellinger

Udo Kier (R) as Bellinger

Christopher Redman as Willowy Being

Christopher Redman as Willowy Being

Directed by John Carpenter

Written by Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan

I assume that a lot of you read Written in Blood because, first and foremost, you love movies; especially horror movies. I will expand upon that assumption by saying that there are those of you out there who love movies so much that not only do you collect and watch movies, but that you also collect movie memorabilia of various degrees. Along with the hundreds of DVD’s and Blu-rays that I own, I also have some posters; as well as a Planet Terror Cherry Darling action figure still in the original package. My pride and joy is a beautiful ceramic Godzilla statue depicting the lizard king (sorry Jim Morrison, but the Big G will always be the original) from Godzilla vs. Biollante. But enough about all that; this is one of those times where I start with one story to tell you another story. John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns is about the high price of movie collecting and I’m not talking about paying double on eBay for an authentic Iron Man helmet.

Norman Reedus (Mimic, The Walking Dead) is Kirby, a rare films dealer hired by the wealthy Bellinger (Udo Kier, Blade, Suspiria) to find a print of an ultra-rare film called “La Fin Absolue du Monde”, or “The Absolute End of the World”. Upon its premiere, the film set off a homicidal riot and was later believed to be destroyed. Bellinger is convinced that a print of the film exists and shows Kirby proof in the form of the Willowy Being, a humanoid creature that may or may not be an angel. The Being tells Kirby that if the film were truly destroyed then he would know about it. Up to his ass in debt to his late girlfriend’s father, Kirby accepts the job. The closer he gets to the truth, the more he begins to see ‘cigarette burns’ a slang term for the mark on a film that indicates that it will soon be time to change reels. The ‘burns’ are used here to indicate when there will be a shift in the tone of the film and the results of Kirby’s search for “La Fin Absolue Du Monde”. With that, seeing as how I take pride in keep my reviews as spoiler-free as possible, there’s not much else I can tell you about the plot of Cigarette Burns.

This is the second time in the past three years that I’ve watched Cigarette Burns. The first time I had yet to begin writing and therefore took a casual approach to the episode. But, even after watching it with more scrutiny the second time around; I found that I had to sit for a while to be able to collect my feelings about it. It reminds me of a friend of mine who told me that when he went to see Pulp Fiction, he sat in his car in the theater parking lot for twenty minutes pondering on whether he liked the film before finally deciding that he did like it. I understand him now; it took me twenty minutes to determine that I liked Cigarette Burns. It’s the best episode (so far) of Masters of Horror. Norman Reedus carries the film with a charm that I personally don’t think a more well-known actor could have accomplished. Those of you who only know the guy as Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead I would highly recommend to see this episode. There’s a lot more to the guy than a red neck and a crossbow.

Cigarette Burns has an identical plot to Roman Polanski’s thriller The Ninth Gate. One of the main differences being that it is a film and not a book that Kirby is hired to find. The other is that at over two hours I couldn’t wait for The Ninth Gate to end. At the end of 58 minutes, Cigarette Burns left me wanting more.

TRIVIA

The newspaper columnist lives in a secluded house in Carthage, New York. John Carpenter, who directed the movie, was born in Carthage, New York.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE SEVEN: DEER WOMAN

Dec 9

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE. EPISODE SEVEN: DEER WOMAN-United States-2005

Masters_of_Horror__Deer_Woman_-_John_Landis

Brian Benben as Detective Dwight Faraday

Brian Benben as Detective Dwight Faraday

Cinthia Moura as Deer Woman

Cinthia Moura as Deer Woman

Directed by John Landis

Written by Max Landis and John Landis

I don’t really know if I should admit it or not, but I enjoyed the hell out of Deer Woman. Director John Landis (An American Werewolf in London) is the perfect choice to direct this Masters of Horror episode about a failed cop (Brian Benben, Private Practice, Radioland Murders) investigating three weird (he’s the ‘weird calls’ guy) deaths in which the victims, all male, were trampled into hamburger meat while in a state of arousal. In other words, they didn’t die with their boots on; they died with their hard-ons. Ha! I’m here all week! The case gets even weirder when the coroner (Sonja Bennett, Fido) finds what appears to be deer hair and hoof impressions under the fingernails and bodies of the deceased. But wait, I am not done with the weird shit just yet. Witnesses all report seeing a beautiful Native American woman (Cinthia Moura, in her only credited role to date) with the men prior to their deaths. Hmm, deer hair, hoof prints and a hot chick. Could this be the work of…cue ominous music…Deer Woman?!?

I’m not taking this review very seriously. Why should I? Writer (with Max Landis) and director John Landis keeps his tongue firmly planted in his cheek with Deer Woman because he knows there’s no other way to play it. If a director were to take a story like this seriously he’d be laughed out of Hollywood. If you don’t believe me, just ask M. Night Shyamalan. Deer Woman is goofy, dumb, stupid and totally retarded. It’s also the most fun I’ve had so far with Masters of Horror. I’m hoping it’s a sign of better things to come with the series.

TRIVIA

One of the three men who win the jackpot in the casino is Mick Garris who created the Masters of Horror series.

When talking to the captain, the police discuss a wolf attack in London in 1981. That’ll be the events of John Landis’ An American Werewolf in London they are talking about.

One of the paintings shown on the beginning is ‘Frida Khalo”s “La Venadita”

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE SIX: HOMECOMING

Dec 8

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE SIX: HOMECOMING

Masters_of_Horror__Homecoming_-_Joe_Dante

Thea Gill as Jane Cleaver (Image not from episode)

Thea Gill as Jane Cleaver (Image not from episode)

Jon Tenney as David Murch

Jon Tenney as David Murch

Directed by Joe Dante

Screenplay by Sam Hamm

Based on the short story ‘Death and Suffrage’ by Dale Bailey

This episode gave me such a fucking headache and I will tell you why with all honesty. I am by far the most non-political person I know. I have no interest in politics or what’s going on in Washington, D.C. or what have you. I don’t care nor do I understand who has who’s hand up whose ass or who the master and who the puppets are. I’m just not interested. When I watched this episode of Masters of Horror the only thing I could do was view it as a typical zombie movie. The only thing about that is that it was nowhere near being a typical zombie movie. Typical zombies rise from the dead, eat the living, make more zombies and die when you kill the brain, therefore killing the ghoul. They do not rise from the dead, vote and drop dead again. What the hell were they trying to say with this one? That the dead have a right to vote? I’m sorry, but no they don’t! They are dead, deceased, taking dirt naps, the Long Goodbye and all that. More than anything, this episode did nothing but bore the hell out of me and makes my head ache.

The political undertones (overtones?) aside, what the hell happened to the Joe Dante that directed the greatest werewolf movie of all time? There are none of the trademarks of Dante’s earlier films in Homecoming. There’s Robert Picardo (The Howling and Innerspace), but that’s more of a wise casting choice than it is a directorial trademark. Where was Dick Miller? Where was the reference to the Warner Bros. cartoons? Did I miss them? Damn, my headache’s getting worse. Bottom line, this episode blew monkey balls.

Now where the hell did I put that Ibuprofen?

TRIVIA

At the end, when the zombie soldiers are coming out of their graves, the tombstones have the names of veterans of the horror and zombie genre, easy to read are Jacques Tourneur, G.A. Romero ( George A. Romero), Jean Yarbrough, and Delbert Tenney ( ‘Del Tenney (I)’). Harder to read are Lucio Fulci, Victor Halperin, and Gordon Douglas. The (readable) graves have this order: Romero and Tenney in the first line, behind them Fulci and Halperin, and in the last line behind Fulci is Tourneur, who is in the middle of Douglas and Yarbrough.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE FIVE: CHOCOLATE

Dec 5

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE FIVE: CHOCOLATE-United States-2005

Masters_Of_Horror_Chocolate

Henry Thomas as Jamie

Henry Thomas as Jamie

Matt Frewer as Wally

Matt Frewer as Wally

Stacy Grant as Vanessa

Lucie Laurier as Catherine

Directed by Mick Garris

Teleplay by Mick Garris and based on his short story

Henry Thomas (Legends of the Fall) plays Jamie; a guy who sees, hears, tastes…and feels (yeah, that too)… everything a beautiful woman (Lucie Laurier, Don’t Say a Word) is feeling in Chocolate, the Masters of Horror episode directed and written by Mick Garris from his own short story. One review I read said that even though Thomas pretty much stalks the woman he doesn’t come off as creepy. Well, I am so sorry to burst your bubble, but I disagree entirely. This whole episode is creepy and not in a good way. First of all, I don’t care how old Thomas is now; at certain times he’ll turn and face a certain way and you can still see little Elliot from E.T. the Extra-terrestrial right there on the screen. So when Jamie says ‘fuck you’ and ‘I’m now married to my left hand’ it’s just sounds so wrong. But wait, that’s just the beginning of creepy time. At one point Jamie can only lie there and take it while the woman he is living way too vicariously through is getting laid by this long haired douchebag. Oh for crying out loud, yuck! The only good thing about all this is that later Jamie stands in front of the mirror and we see the woman naked. Trust me, if I looked in a mirror and saw a beautiful naked woman I would have a lot of mirrors in my house. The episode is told in flashback as Jamie recounts his story to the police. It is supposed to be a murder mystery after all. Still, it doesn’t matter; this whole damn thing is nothing but c-r-e…eepy.

There is some good to it. Thomas is good and is convincing in the role; but again you have to think, geez man did you really need the paltry amount of money you got for doing this crap? So far Masters of Horror is 1-4 as far as quality episodes are concerned. I’m beginning to understand why the show only lasted two seasons. It’s the bottom of the ninth, down by 4 and they seriously need a grand slam. Should I hold my breath?

TRIVIA

When Jamie is in his bed, he takes the book “Desperation” by Stephen King off his night stand. Director Mick Garris directed the TV version of Desperation, in which Henry Thomas also stars.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE FOUR: JENIFER

Dec 4

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE FOUR: JENIFER-United States-2005

Masters_of_Horror__Jenifer_-_Dario_Argento

Steven Weber as Frank Spivey

Steven Weber as Frank Spivey

Carrie Anne Fleming as Jenifer

Carrie Anne Fleming as Jenifer

Directed by Dario Argento

Teleplay by Steven Weber

Based on a short story by Bruce Jones

When I was a younger man in my late 20′s I worked as a pizza delivery driver. I had a boss, Ben, who was adamantly against the use of drugs of any kind. I mean, the guy didn’t even drink. That is, until he met Denise. There was only one way to describe Denise and that was that she was a crack whore. Denise led Ben down a path that he never completely recovered from. He still wouldn’t do drugs himself; but he bought them for her, and he even went to prison for her. Nothing would ever again be the same for Ben.

Now, I told you that story to demonstrate that at first I wasn’t really sure what director Dario Argento and writer/star Steven Weber were trying to say in their Masters of Horror adaptation of a Creepy comics tale from Bruce Jones. This story of a cop, Weber (Wings, Jeffrey) who takes in a horrifically facially disfigured woman who leads him down a path of self-destruction is exactly the same as that of my friend and his albatross of trouble. At first, I thought that the episode was one long joke about ugly women and how men will fuck them, but they surely will not tell their friends about it. At the risk of sounding sexist or cruel, it reminds me also of that old joke about the similarity between a fat girl and a Moped; they’re both fun to ride, you just don’t want anyone to see you. Another is that when it comes to women, the majority of men let the little head do the thinking. Even after she eats the family cat and the kid from next door, Frank still has no qualms about dipping his wick in Jenifer. After all, the body is a classy chassis; it’s the face that looks like it smacked a wall at 90 miles per hour. Hell, then again who knows? Maybe I’m missing the point altogether. Somehow, I don’t think I am.

One thing I know for sure is that this is the first episode of Masters of Horror that lives up to the name. Director Dario Argento (Suspiria, Mother of Tears) seems to be having a lot of fun with the episode and treats it more like a mini-movie than he does a TV show. Steven Weber is good in the role of Frank; and Carrie Anne Fleming grunts, whines, licks and snorts her way through her role as Jenifer. After a flawed, but promising start and then a big step backward, Argento and company set Masters of Horror back in forward motion with Jenifer.

TRIVIA

This was the only Season 1 episode to require cuts. 2 shots were removed from the final film, both involved graphic depictions of oral sex. The first one occurred during the sex scene in the car, and the second occurred at the end of the film. The deleted scenes are edited into the ‘So Hideous My Love’ documentary on the DVD.

The source material first appeared in 1974 in Creepy #63 and was illustrated by Bernie Wrightson.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE THREE: DANCE OF THE DEAD

Dec 3

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE THREE: DANCE OF THE DEAD-United States-2005

Masters_of_Horror__Dance_of_the_Dead_-_Tobe_Hooper

Robert Englund as The MC

Robert Englund as The MC

Directed by Tobe Hooper

Teleplay by Richard Christian Matheson

Based on the short story by Richard Matheson

Pop Quiz, boys and girls; what do you get when you take an episode of Masters of Horror, directed by Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist) and starring Jonathan Tucker(The Ruins) and Jessica Lowndes (Autopsy, The Haunting of Molly Hartley) as star-crossed lovers, and finally you throw in Mr. Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund, as an eyeliner wearing, slick talking MC and toss it all into a post-apocalyptic tale written by Richard Christian Matheson, based on a story by Richard Matheson where youth run wild, blood is valued and the dead dance for our entertainment?

Answer: You get a steaming pile of nothing.

The first two episodes of Masters of Horror, flawed though they were, showed flashes of promise and kept things interesting enough to return for episode three, Dance of the Dead. This is where the series took a big step backward; and if this was only the third episode then that is not a good thing.

I don’t know what the hell has happened to Tobe Hooper over the years; but if he keeps directing crap like this then he’s going to lose the Master of Horror title he’s hanging on to so loosely. Jonathan Tucker and Jessica Lowndes have no chemistry in their roles. As for Robert Englund, I barely recognized him in the role of the MC. It wasn’t until he spoke that I knew who I was watching. Basically, Englund is playing Freddy Krueger; only without the razor fingers, the burnt face, the hat or the sweater. Take all that away and he’s pretty much playing a giant dick.

I know that I have a few friends out there who are big on post-apocalyptic cinema and the like. I admit that although I like the genre, my knowledge of it is not that extensive. However it would seem to me that one of the main ideas or points would be to have a whole lot of something happening in a world that’s become a whole lot of nothing. Dance of the Dead takes that old Billy Preston song too seriously; ‘nothing from nothing leaves nothing’.

NO TRIVIA

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE ONE: INCIDENT ON AND OFF A MOUNTAIN ROAD

Dec 1

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE ONE: INCIDENT ON AND OFF A MOUNTAIN ROAD-United States-2005

Bree Turner as Ellen

Ethan Embry as Bruce

Angus Scrimm as Buddy

John De Santis as Moonface

Directed by Don Coscarelli

Teleplay by Don Coscarelli and Stephen Romano

Based on the short story by Joe R Lansdaleif

This is the way Masters of Horror begins, this is the way Masters of Horror begins, this is the way Masters of Horror begins; not with a bang or a whimper, but somewhere in between. Bree Turner (Grimm) stars as Ellen, a woman trying to survive as she’s pursued through the woods by a pasty faced slasher dubbed Moonface  in this Don Coscarelli (Phantasm and Bubba Ho-tep) adaptation of a tale by Joe R. Lansdale. On a side note, if you haven’t read Lansdale then what the hell are you waiting for? “The Nightrunners“, “The Bottoms” and “The Drive In” are just a few of the thrills you can experience when you ride the Lansdale train. Let’s also not forget his series of novels featuring the further misadventure of good old boy Hap Collins and his black, gay Viet Nam vet buddy, Leonard Pine.

Let’s get back on track, shall we? Through flashbacks we learn that Ellen learned her skills to fend off monsters from her survivalist husband Bruce (Ethan Embry, Eagle Eye, and Vacancy). She doesn’t seem to take too well to Bruce’s douche-bag ‘you gotta be ready when they drop the big one, Ellen’ spiel; however, her skills of elusiveness and self-preservation suggest that even though we don’t like what someone does, we can still learn from them. I can’t stand Honey Boo Boo and her big fat mama, but I’ve learned how not to act like white trash from them.

Incident On and Off a Mountain Road is the first episode of the first season of Masters of Horror. At times more often than not it shows a great deal of promise. Then there are other times that it seems to drag its feet like a crippled henchman across a cold concrete floor. It helps that there is a bit of a twist near the end of the film. It also helps that the Tall Man himself, Angus Scrimm, makes an appearance as a somewhat goofy captive of Moonface. In any case, although it could have been better, it’s still a decent beginning for the series.

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TAMARA

Sep 24

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TAMARA-United States/Canada-2005

Jenna Dewan as Tamara Riley

Matthew Marsden as Bill Natolly

Chad Faust as Jesse

Gil Hacohen as Patrick

Katie Stuart as Chloe

Directed by Jeremy Haft

Written by Jeffrey Reddick

ACT AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED…

Tamara (Jenna Dewan, “Step Up“, “American Horror Story: Asylum“) is an unattractive teenage girl who practices witchcraft and lives with her alcoholic deviant of a father. The popular kids hate her; she wrote an article drawing the ire of the school’s star athletes Shawn (Bryan Clark) and Patrick (Gil Hacochen, “What Women Want“) detailing their rampant steroid use; so now the two jockstraps are out to get her. She only has two friends; Chloe (Katie Stuart, “Wild Things 2“, “The Girl Next Door“) and Mr. Nattolly (Matthew Marsden, “D.O.A.: Dead or Alive“, “Resident Evil: Extinction“), her English teacher. Tamara is in love with Mr. Natolly and even performs a spell so that whatever stands in the way of his loving her (his wife) would be eliminated; but she backs out before she can finish. Meanwhile Shawn and Patrick devise a plan to get even with Tamara. Without going into a lot of details and spoiling it for everyone I will just say that their plan, which now involves an unwitting Chloe, her boyfriend Jesse (Chad Faust, “Saved!“), Shawn’s girlfriend Kisha (Melissa Elias) and Roger (Marc Devigne), an AV geek, backfires and Tamara is killed. She is dead, deceased, taking a dirt nap, sleeping with the worms…need I go on? Shawn blackmails everyone into keeping their mouths shut; they bury Tamara in the woods and then return to school the next day as if nothing ever happened.

OH, BUT IT DID HAPPEN…

It should come as no surprise when I tell you that Tamara comes to class looking as if nothing ever happened. No, that’s not entirely accurate; Tamara comes to class looking smoking hot, sizzling and sultry. Along with this new look comes a new attitude and some new powers; our gal Tamara has the mojo to make anyone she touches fall in love with her and persuade them to do whatever she tells them. Whatever she tells them would include Roger the AV geek cutting off his ear, tongue and stabbing himself in the eye (See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil), bulimic Kisha eating her own fingers to the bone; and persuading Shawn and Patrick to play pitcher and catcher with each other before sending them out to kill Natolly’s wife. When I say pitcher and catcher I don’t mean baseball; these two nitwits play with a completely different bat and balls. This is Tamara’s way of revenge and she is having some evil fun with it.

PRAY IT DOESN’T HAPPEN AGAIN…

The first time I saw “Tamara” was 4 years ago on the FEARnet cable channel. Seeing as how it was free I wasn’t about to pass up a viewing; especially after getting a look at Jenna Dewan in that red dress she wears for the last act of the movie. For this review I watched it for free on Amazon Prime for the same reason: Jenna Dewan and that red dress. This is not the first time that I’ve been lured into watching a bad horror movie because of a hot girl. In fact, it’s not the first time I’ve been lured into watching a horror movie because of a hot girl period. Eliza Dushku worked her magic on me in “Wrong Turn.” Still, you think I would have learned by now that pretty girls do not necessarily a good horror movie make. Aside from some fairly cool gore effects and a likable performance from Katie Stuart as Chloe, the only reason that I can recommend that you see this film is because I get some sadistic thrill out of sharing bad movies with others. I don’t; so I’ll just say that when they buried Tamara they should have dug the hole a little deeper, tossed in the writer and director and filled the damn thing with cement just to be sure.

TRIVIA

The color red is scarce throughout the film. Its only presence is on Tamara.

In the original script, Chloe was a closeted lesbian.

Patrick’s insult to Tamara early in the film, “trailer-trash whore”, was ad-libbed by the actor. This was not in the script since writer Jeffrey Reddick himself grew up in a trailer.

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FEAST

Aug 11

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FEAST-United States-2005

Balthazar Getty as Bozo

Eric Dane as Hero

Henry Rollins as Coach

Navi Rawat as Heroine

Judah Friedlander as Beer Guy

Josh Zuckerman as Hot Wheels

Jason Mewes as Edgy Cat

Jenny Wade as Honey Pie

Krista Allen as Tuffy

Clu Gulager as Bartender

Directed by John Gulager

Written by Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan

If you enter into watching “Feast” with lowered expectations, then you’re not going to be disappointed. Think John Carpenter‘s “Assault on Precinct 13“; but set in a hick bar with douchebags, barflys and dumb-asses surrounded by bloodthirsty creatures that are as horny as they are hungry (they hump each other on the hood of a car and out pops baby monster). They’ve got big teeth and big Johnson’s and no one has any idea where they came from. As I re-read that last sentence it seems confusing to me. The trailer for “Feast” tells us that they were created by the military as a secret weapon and that before they could be used on the enemy they had to be field tested…on us. Now, unless I missed something somewhere or wasn’t paying attention in class there is no mention of this anywhere in the movie. What I do know is that I was hoping for half the people in the bar to become monster food. Balthazar Getty (“Ladder 49″), leads the merry assortment of idiots that include Henry Rollins (“Wrong Turn 2: Dead End“), Clu Gulager (“Return of the Living Dead”) and Judah Friedlander (“The Wrestler”). Needless to say I wouldn’t trust these losers with cap guns, much less shotguns and Molotov cocktails. It comes as no surprise that the women of this film, Krista Allen and Navi Rawat in particular, are the ones that give these bumpkins any chance of seeing the light of day. Feast is directed in a fast paced, take no prisoners style that has become the thing to do these last few years or so. One thing I found amusing for a while is the way that the characters were introduced. A short bio with their name, occupation and life expectancy is flashed across the screen. It’s funny but it wears out its welcome quickly. Like I said at the beginning; don’t expect too much and you will not be disappointed. Dig any deeper and it all falls apart.

TRIVIA

Clu Gulager, the actor playing Bartender, is the father of the film’s director, John Gulager. Also, Diane Ayala Goldner, who plays Harley Mama, is John’s wife.

The movie’s development was part of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck’s Project Greenlight 3 program.

The role of Hero was offered to Mark Wahlberg, but he turned it down. Josh Duhamel was also interested but forced to drop out for scheduling conflicts.

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THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (2005)

Jun 28

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THE AMITYVILLE HORROR-United States-2005

Ryan Reynolds as George Lutz

Phillip Baker Hall as Father Callaway

Directed by Andrew Douglas

Screenplay by Scott Kosar

Based on the book by Jay Anson

Okay, so I saw the original “The Amityville Horror” last night and after years of thinking it tedious and unremarkable it scared the living shit out of me. So you would think that since I got that out of my system that the remake would be a cakewalk, right? Holy jumped up bald-headed Palomino you just don’t know how wrong I really was. “The Amityville Horror” remake takes all the scares of the original 2 hour film, reduces it down to less than 90 minutes and amps the motherfucking thing up to 20 until your (my) sanity is virtually non-existent. It is a rare example of a remake being head and shoulders (look no dandruff) better than the original film. Alright, so maybe my mental faculties weren’t in question, but it was still scary. I also have a little bit of dandruff, still.

Every family wants to live in a dream house. For George and Kathy Lutz and their children that dream house is 412 Ocean Avenue. But in the wrong house and at the right times all your dreams can turn into nightmares. The crimes of the past and its victims can come back to haunt in ways that you never imagined possible. Voices can tell you to kill and ghosts can grab hold of you without warning. Welcome to Amityville, George and Kathy; hope you survive.

Oops, I am digressing again. The one thing that pleased me the most about this film was the cast. Until “The Amityville Horror” circa 2005 I had only seen Ryan Reynolds in straight up comedies such as “Van Wilder“, which was hilarious. I don’t like using the cliché ‘he really surprised me’, but all I can say is that in “Amityville” he really surprised me. As for Melissa George, the first film I ever saw her in was “30 Days of Night” and I was impressed with her in that one. Add to the fact that I found Margot Kidder to be annoying in the original and you can understand that I was quite happy with George in the remake.

Are houses evil, or are the people that lived and died in them enough to make them that way? I really don’t know the answer to that but I damn sure wish I did. I get a feeling Ronald DeFeo, Jr.‘s family wished the same thing. Take care and stay scared and tell your family you love them.

TRIVIA

Ryan Reynolds chose not to become close with his “movie” children. He wasn’t mean or rude to them, just very distant. So distant in fact that the children often confided to those on the set that “Ryan doesn’t like us!” Ryan said that he didn’t want to “fall in love” with the kids. Ryan did this so that when “George” started changing, he’d have no trouble easing into the verbal and physical abuse.

In the original script, the poster on Billy’s bedroom wall during the babysitter scene was of a different band. However, when the crew realized how long of a tongue actressRachel Nichols (who played the babysitter) had, they decided to change it to a poster of the rock band Kiss, because of band member Gene Simmons‘ very long tongue.

Megan Fox auditioned for the role of Lisa.

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Posted in Films Based on Novels or Short Stories, Films Released in 2005, Movies, Remakes

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