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Category Archives: Films Released In 2006

MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON TWO, EPISODE ONE: THE DAMNED THING

Dec 28

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON TWO, EPISODE ONE: THE DAMNED THING-United States/Canada-2006

Masters_of_Horror__The_Damned_Thing_-_Tobe_Hooper

Sean Patrick Flannery as Sheriff Kevin Reddle

Sean Patrick Flannery as Sheriff Kevin Reddle

Ted Raimi as Father Tulli

Ted Raimi as Father Tulli

Directed by Tobe Hooper

Teleplay by Richard Christian Matheson

Based on the short story by Ambrose Bierce

Sean Patrick Flannery (The Boondock Saints, Powder) stars as a small time sheriff trying to save his town from an unseen force that compels people to violence and homicidal tendencies in The Damned Thing, the kick off to the second season of Masters of Horror. Adapted by Richard Christian Matheson from a short story by Ambrose Bierce (already a master of horror on the basis of only one story, “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge“), the episode makes a lot of changes from the epistolary nature of its original source in order to bring it up to date for a modern day setting. The story is compelling enough to a degree to keep things moving along, but sadly that doesn’t translate into anything remotely interesting. Flannery and Marisa Coughlan (Freddy Got Fingered, Teaching Mrs. Tingle) do their best to carry the film; with a little help from that the Raimi known as Ted, but it’s just not enough. This is Tobe Hooper’s second turn in the director’s chair for Masters of Horror and he seems even more lost than he did the first time around with Dance of the Dead. I remember I said in that review that maybe it was time to re-think that “Master of Horror” title given to Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Salem’s Lot). After The Damned Thing I think it’s evident he’s outlived the honor.

This is the way Season Two begins.

This is the way Season Two begins.

This is the way Season Two begins.

Not with a bang,

Not with a whimper.

Just a dull thud. 

NO TRIVIA TO SEE HERE, FOLKS. 

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Posted in Canadian Horror Films, Films Based on Novels or Short Stories, Films Released In 2006, Masters of Horror, Movies

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE THIRTEEN: IMPRINT

Dec 27

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE THIRTEEN: IMPRINT-United States/Japan-2006

imprint-masters-of-horror

Billy Drago as Christopher

Billy Drago as Christopher

Directed by Takashi Miike

Teleplay by Dasuke Tengan

Based on the novel “Bokkê, kyôtê” by Shimako Iwai

Takashi Miike’s Imprint is a story that is so disturbing and that leaves such horrific images riding shotgun in your brain that a move to something more peaceful is immediately required. So that’s why as I sit here writing this review that the voice of the Kinks front-man Ray Davies drifts sweetly from my speakers. This is not to say that Imprint is horrible in its execution; it is far from that; if a film disturbs you to the point that in the same breath you call it a masterpiece and the most disgusting thing you’ve ever witnessed then it must be doing something right.

I first saw Imprint in 2006. I had heard the stories of how it had been banned by Showtime just before broadcast. Of course my brain was thinking ‘whoa, this must be some fucked up shit to be banned from a cable broadcast’. So, my initial viewing of the episode was through gore-colored glasses. I paid little attention to story and the horrific finesse (there’s an oxymoron for you) in which Miike wove his tale. This banned episode of Masters of Horror demanded a repeat viewing that did not come until six years later in the final days of 2012. This time I had to look past the gore and the horror to see if there indeed was a worthy tale being told. Indeed, there is.

It is a simple tale of a man (Billy Drago, The Untouchables, The Hills Have Eyes) in Japan in the 1800′s in desperate search of a prostitute named Komomo (Michié), whom he fell in love with and plans to start a new life in America with. He meets a deformed prostitute (Youki Kudoh) who tells him that Komomo is dead. She then tells the man, Christopher, three versions of the same story of the fate that Komomo suffered, each one more horrifying than the last. Prostitution, torture, suicide, incest and aborted fetuses are all a part of the hell she sends him into with each story. Will he ever know the truth; and when he does will the truth be what he wants to hear or what he needs to hear?

So, I’ve now seen Imprint twice. I do not wish to see it again. Takashi Miike (Audition, One Missed Call) has crafted that rarest of tales. It is easy to make an un-watchable piece of garbage. It is nearly impossible to make an un-watchable masterpiece. Miike pulls it off like just another day at the office.

TRIVIA

This episode was originally going to be shown on Showtime in January 2006, but the station banned it shortly before the broadcast. It debuted in America on DVD on September 26, 2006.

Shimako Iwai, the author of the novel on which the film is based, appears as the sadistic torturer.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TWELVE: HAECKEL’S TALE

Dec 26

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TWELVE: HAECKEL’S TALE-United States/Canada-2006

Masters_of_Horror__Haeckel_s_Tale_-_John_McNaughton

Jon Polito as Montesquino

Jon Polito as Montesquino

Directed by John McNaughton

Teleplay by Mick Garris

Based on the short story by Clive Barker

Haeckel’s Tale is a cautionary tale that warns us to be careful what we wish for, or we may just get it. What’s entertaining about it is that despite the fact that the warning has become a cliché’, the story never slips into that territory for one second. Ernst Haeckel, (Derek Cecil, Men in Black II, The Next Three Days) is a man who believes that science and not God or sorcery, both of which he has disdain for, is what will bring the dead back to life. But then two things occur that shake these beliefs to the very core. First he meets Montesquino (Jon Polito, The Big Lebowski,and The Man Who Wasn’t There); a necromancer who claims that he can raise the dead. Secondly he meets Wolfram (Tom McBeath, Along Came a Spider) an elderly gentleman and his young bride, Elise (Leela Savasta, This Means War, and The Craigslist Killer). There is a scene where Wolfram finds Haeckel camped outside a necropolis (cemetery) and informs him that it is not good to be so close to where the dead are laid. When I say that there is a lot of double entendre in that warning, trust me, there is. Elise is still in love with her deceased husband; which is okay. A lot of people are still in love with those that they have lost. But when Haeckel discovers Elise in the graveyard looking like Jenna Jameson as she rides cowgirl on the re-animated corpse of her hubby while a bunch of undead onlookers enjoy the show, it’s just a little bit more than he can handle. The only thing that kept “Let’s Get It On” from being played on the soundtrack while the scene plays out is that Haeckel’s Tale is a period piece that takes place in the 19th century. Haeckel’s Tale is the twelfth episode of Season One of Masters of Horror and it is one of the better episodes of the season. This is frustrating in that I don’t know whether to be optimistic for Season Two; or to wonder what took them so long to get things going with Season One.

TRIVIA

George A. Romero was originally going to direct, but couldn’t fit it in his schedule. ThenRoger Corman was approached to helm the episode, but health issues came up and he was then replaced by John McNaughton.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE ELEVEN: PICK ME UP

Dec 16

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE ELEVEN-United States/Canada-2006

Masters_of_Horror__Pick_Me_Up_-_Larry_Cohen

Michael Moriarty as Jim Wheeler

Michael Moriarty as Jim Wheeler

Warren Kole as Walker

Warren Kole as Walker

Directed by Larry Cohen

Teleplay by David J. Schow, based on his short story

Sit back and relax and I will tell you a story. It’s a story about three people. Oh, now there are a lot more people in the story; but the focus is mainly on three people in particular. First there is Stacia (Fairuza Balk, American History X, Almost Famous); however to say she is first is kind of misleading. Stacia is more like that song by Stealer’s Wheel; she’s stuck in the middle. The bookends holding her in place are Walker (Warren Kole, Mother’s Day, The Avengers), a hitchhiker; and Wheeler (Michael Moriarty, Pale Rider, Hitler Meets Christ), a trucker. I would say they both have a pair of apropos names, wouldn’t you? That’s not all they have in common. Walker and Wheeler are both serial killers. Stacia walked away from a broke down bus in the middle of nowhere that the two of them made into their own little game board. Now, every game has to have a winner, right? So, until one of them can get to Stacia, we got ourselves a tie.

Although it’s not a perfect episode by any means, Pick Me Up is still one of the better episodes of the first season of Masters of Horror. Michael Moriarty is fantastic as Wheeler. In fact, I think it would be very safe to say that Moriarty is one of the best character actors in the business. There is such an air of reliability to him that you just know that if he’s in something you just know it’s going to be at least decent. Moriarty has worked with director Larry Cohen before on at least three occasions; Q, The Winged Serpent, It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive and A Return to Salem’s Lot. They seem to play off of one another’s strengths; although I think Moriarty raises Cohen’s work to a higher level, and not the other way around. Cohen has never really struck me as someone you would call a Master of Horror. I wasn’t impressed with It’s Alive even though I know a lot of people hold it in high regard. I’ve always felt that Cohen’s strength was as a screenwriter. However, with all that having been said, I will give credit where credit is due; Pick Me Up is not only a good episode of Masters of Horror, it is also a good entry on the cinematic resume of Mister Larry Cohen.

TRIVIA

Laurene Landon not only plays a small role in this episode, but also wrote the lyrics to the ending credits theme song.

The van in which Walker hitches a ride with Stoney and Lilly has Wyoming license plates. The first digit before the Wyoming Bucking Bronco denotes the county in which the vehicle is registered. In this case, county #1, which would be Natrona County.

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I feel very odd listing all these links back to previous articles of mine. So, I’m going to list a few sites that would love a visit from you. Give them a shot and know what I’ve known for a long time; they’re all awesome.

Official Site of Alex Laybourne-Author

MikesFilmTalk

Head In A Vice

Andy Watches Movies

Talinorfali

Rhino’s Horror

The Tashtoo Parlour

Badasses Boobs and Body Counts

Tim’s Film Reviews

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TEN: SICK GIRL

Dec 13

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TEN: SICK GIRL-United States/Canada-2006

SIckGirl

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Angela Bettis as Ida Teeter

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Erin Brown (Misty Mundae) as Misty Falls

Directed by Lucky McKee

Story by Sean Hood

Teleplay by Sean Hood and Lucky McKee

I read a blurb somewhere that said that Lucky McKee’s contribution to Masters of Horror, Sick Girl, was about the dangers of rushing into relationships too quickly. Having watched the episode a few years ago, I re-played as much as I could remember in that thing I call a brain and I thought, “That’s not what it’s about. That’s just dumb.” Then I re-watched Sick Girl for this review and all I can say is son of a bitch that’s exactly what it’s about. I believe at some time or another we’ve all dove headlong into a relationship and then had it bite us in the ass when the person turns out to be way less than the sum of their parts. I know I have and so has my wife. Hell, she insisted we live together for a year before deciding whether we wanted to get married. Why? Because her last husband was a verbally abusive douche bag, that’s why. Having been the king of fast relationships I was more than happy to take it slow and it certainly paid off in the long run. I love my wife. I also realize I just told you way more information than you need to know. Let’s move on.

Ida Teeter (Angela Bettis, The Woman, and May) is a lonely entomologist desperate to find the right person to share her life with. She meets Misty (Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae, The Rage, An Erotic Werewolf in London), a pretty young girl, and they hit it off and are living together before you know it. In the meantime, Ida also receives a package containing a mysterious and aggressive species of insect. The only way to describe this bug is that it is butt ugly and eats Pomeranians. The mystery bug infests Misty; and we soon notice a change in her behavior from sweet innocent hippie chick to cruel and mocking bitch. The change occurs after she moves in with Ida, and that is where I can understand it as the metaphor for going too fast with the matters of the heart. That girl or guy that you meet and date might be great in small doses, but all that can change once they settle in for the long haul. But again, I am digressing a bit.

On the surface, Sick Girl, despite its metaphorical leanings, could have easily been just an average episode of Masters of Horror. Could have been, had it not had an actress with the talent of Angela Bettis to carry the film. There is something about the woman that I find so charming and I feel that she is by far one of the most underrated actresses in the business today. Her acting is so vibrant and yet so tragic that she never fails to weave a small piece of her personality into the fabric of her characters.

If you’ve just met someone, and you think they’re the bees’ knees, and you just can’t wait for them to move in with you; may I suggest you watch this little cautionary tale? You might just change your mind.

TRIVIA

Roger Corman was going to direct Sick Girl but was replaced by Lucky McKee.

The role of Ida Teeter, played by Angela Bettis, was a role originally written for a man with the character name of “Ira Teeter”.

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE NINE: THE FAIR-HAIRED CHILD

Dec 12

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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE NINE: THE FAIR-HAIRED CHILD-United States-2006

Masters_of_Horror__Fair_Haired_Child_-_William_Malone

Lori Petty as Judith

Lori Petty as Judith

William Samples as Anton

William Samples as Anton

Directed by William Malone

Written by Matt Greenberg

Tara (Lindsay Pulsipher) is abducted and taken to the home of Judith (Lori Petty, A League of Their Own, Tank Girl) and Anton (William Samples, Happy Gilmore) Ruric. Thrown into the basement with no means of escape, she meets Johnny (Jesse Haddock, Trick ‘r’ Treat), another captive of the Rurics. There are warnings scratched into the walls; ‘Get out before it wakes up’, ‘Beware the Fair-haired Child’. Johnny dies, leaving Tara all alone. Then, the fair-haired child awakens and Tara is in a fight for her life against it.

Through flashbacks we discover that Anton and Judith had a child that drowned at the age of 15. They make a deal with the devil to bring him back. All they need to make the ritual complete is the blood of twelve children, Three guesses as to who the 12th child is. Unfortunately the first two guesses aren’t Honey Boo Boo. If Tara was your third guess then give yourself a cookie.

Okay, this episode showed a lot of promise. The scenes with the fair-haired child were creepy and made for some decent suspense. For the most part, the acting was good. Lindsay Pulsipher got on my nerves a little bit, but I can deal with that. However, I have issues.

When I was younger, maybe 25 or 26, I took a trip to Universal Studios in Florida. Now, one of the things you could do while you were there was to be the star of your own movie. There was a backdrop and sound effects and they told you when to point and when to laugh and when to look surprised and all that do-goody-good bullshit. Then, of course, you could buy the video for a mere $29.95 or some exorbitant sum. I would have much rather seen the chamber where Walt Disney’s head was cryogenically frozen. Anyway, there were scenes in The Fair-Haired Child where I felt like the characters were going through the motions; as if they were in one of those Disney ‘you can be a star’ crap-tastrophes. The scenes just felt like they were trying way too hard.

So, The Fair-Haired Child has its moments. Good suspense, decent acting in parts and director William Malone (House on Haunted Hill) keeps things moving along at a steady pace. As I said before, there are moments where it tries way too hard; and that’s when it derails. The Fair-Haired Child doesn’t suck; but it’s sure as hell not an episode of Masters of Horror that you could call a keeper. Then again, other than Cigarette Burns, are there any of the nine (so far) that you could call them that?

NO TRIVIA

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ABOMINABLE

Nov 13

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ABOMINABLE-United States-2006

Matt McCoy as Preston Rogers

Haley Joel as Amanda

Jeffrey Combs as Clerk

Dee Wallace-Stone as Ethel Hoss and Rex Linn as Farmer Hoss

Lance Henriksen as Ziegler Dane

Paul Gleason as Sheriff Halderman

Directed by Ryan Schifrin

Story by Ryan Schifrin and James Morrison

Written by Ryan Schifrin

Last week there was a video article on Yahoo about a couple of people filming what they thought was a black bear foraging in the bushes. Then the bear stood up and it (allegedly) turned out to be a Sasquatch and the rest of the video is a lot of shaky camera work because the people are running scared and trying not to crap their drawers. I don’t know how true all this is but it got me to thinking; if Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as he is often referred to actually does exist then he has got one hell of a sense of humor. How else do you explain all the shaky videos where some yokel is filming some god-awful looking forest video for God knows what reason only to have a Bigfoot enter the scene and send them running like…like…well crap, I got nothing. But you know what I mean. I guarantee you that before that Sasquatch enters camera range he’s there with his buddies going, “Hey, guys, don’t look now but there’s another one. Ya’ll watch this. This is going to be good.”

Alright, I told you that little tale as a lead in to my review to the latest (it was released in 2006 and if there’s any newer ones after that I don’t know about them) Bigfoot movie extravaganza Abominable. It’s my way of saying that I didn’t take this movie seriously and neither should you. But, I will tell you this much; in the not so long list of Bigfoot movies it offers quite a few scares, is a lot of fun and may very well be the best of the bunch.

Preston Rogers (Matt McCoy, L.A. Confidential, The Hand That Rocks the Cradle) returns to the woods with his therapist as a form of rehab to help him get over the death of his wife in a climbing accident that left him a quadriplegic. It’s also a way to get a little rest and relaxation and it doesn’t hurt that soon after Preston moves in a group of hot young college babes led by Haley Joel (Crash Landing) and the perpetually naked Tiffany Shepis (Nightmare Man, Night of the Demons). But of course poor old Preston starts hearing things in the forest just outside his window and the next thing you know there’s a Bigfoot looking back at him. Now the rest of film deals with Preston trying to save the girls and get out of Dodge before Bigfoot chews them up and spits them out and makes Preston his personal bitch. Good times!!

As I mentioned earlier Abominable is just a whole lot of scary fun. There never seems to be a moment in the film where you felt that director Ryan Schifrin (son of composer Lalo Schifrin) is trying to say ‘Please, we are making a serious movie here,” The guy’s even smart enough to pepper the film with popular genre actors Jeffrey Combs (Re-animator), Lance Henriksen (Pumpkinhead) and Dee Wallace-Stone (The Howling). He’s also smart enough to actually let us get a look at the titular beast. Then again, there also lies the problem. The creature in Abominable is scary in medium shots or quick close-ups; but too much examination and we see that it looks like what would happen if Clint Howard had drunk sex with a Sasquatch and this was the result nine months later. I just hope Clint respected the lady Sasquatch in the morning. Anyway, I’m digressing here. Check out Abominable for some damn good scary Bigfoot and naked Tiffany Shepis fun.

TRIVIA

Sheriff Halderman (Paul Gleason) is seen taking a sip from a mug with the quote “Don’t mess with the bull”. Paul Gleason’s famous character of Principal Richard Vernon from The Breakfast Club (and reprised in Not Another Teen Movie) has a line “Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns” as he’s reprimanding John Bender (Judd Nelson).

Tiffany Shepis was pregnant when she acted in this film.

Rex Linn agreed to act in the movie under the condition that he got to play the monster in one scene.

The director’s father composed the musical score.

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UNDERWORLD:EVOLUTION

Sep 25

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UNDERWORLD:EVOLUTION-United States-2006

Scott Speedman as Michael

Tony Curran as Marcus

Shane Brolly as Kraven

Steven Mackintosh as Tanis

Sir Derek Jacobi as Corvinus

Bill Nighy as Viktor

Directed by Len Wiseman

Story by Len Wiseman and Danny McBride

Screenplay by Danny McBride

When last we left our star-crossed lovers at the end of the first Underworld, Selene (Kate Beckinsale, Laurel Canyon, Serendipity) had just taken a little off the top of Viktor’s head and Michael (Scott Speedman, The Strangers) had just hulked out and turned into a vampire/lycan hybrid. Together the two of them walked away from it all and into an uncertain future with Selene muttering something in that sexy British voice about not knowing what the future holds and how the ‘consequences of this night will reverberate through the halls of both great covens for many years to come. ‘Hell, all I want to know is how she poured herself into those leather pants. Of course I wondered the same thing about Olivia Newton-John in Grease.

So, we come now to Underworld: Evolution and this time we begin with a flashback to Viktor (Bill Nighy, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1) and Marcus, the first vampire and their attempt to capture Marcus’ brother William, the first lycan. Viktor promises Marcus that no harm will come to William and Marcus takes him at his word. I was yelling ‘liar, liar! pants on fire!’ before he even finished speaking. After Viktor betrays Marcus (Tony Curran, Blade 2, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) and has William imprisoned forever in a secret location, the urge to say ‘I told you’ so was very strong in this one.

Back to the future now; Selene and Michael are hiding out after Selene has killed Viktor. Marcus, alive and real damn ugly, kills Kraven (Shane Brolly) and after sucking the blood, and information, out of his veins, sets out to find the two of them. Selene has a medallion that is the key to Williams’s prison and Marcus wants it in a bad way. Throw in Sir Derek Jacobi (The Borgias, Mystery: Cadfael) as Alexander Corvinus, father of Marcus and William, and you have the first sequel in the Underworld franchise.

As a horror fan I should detest movies like this. Films that focus more on fancy gun play and cool fight scenes than on horror and gore. The thing is I don’t detest them; I actually enjoy them for the most part. Sure they get a bit tedious and repetitive, but they’re also entertaining. None of the Underworld films is anywhere near as good as the horror-action hybrids The Descent or Dog Soldiers, but they serve the same purpose; they take our minds off of paying bills, working boring jobs or dealing with morons for 90 minutes or more. Sometimes that’s all I ask out of a movie.

TRIVIA

Kate Beckinsale’s chair had, instead of her name, “My Sweetie” on it surrounded by tiny hearts.

While filming a scene where Selene and Michael look at each other longingly, director Len Wiseman surprised the cast and crew by playing Bryan Adams’ song “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”, at which everyone started laughing.

According to actor Tony Curran himself, he stipulated in his contract that he wanted to be able to keep his Vampire fangs in at all times, even when he wasn’t filming.

The little girl that plays young Selene is Lily Mo Sheen, the daughter of Kate Beckinsaleand Michael Sheen.

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SNAKES ON A PLANE

Sep 15

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SNAKES ON A PLANE-Germany/United States/Canada-2006

Julianna Margulies as Claire Miller

Nathan Phillips as Sean Jones

Bobby Cannavale as Hank Harris

Flex Alexander (R) as Three G’s

Todd Louiso (R) as Dr. Steven Price

Sunny Mabrey as Tiffany

Kenan Thompson as Troy

Elsa Pataky as Maria

David Koechner (L) as Rick

Directed by David R. Ellis

Story by David Dalessandro and John Heffernan

Screenplay by John Heffernan and Sebastian Gutierrez

Considering the past couple of days that I have experienced at my job, I needed a completely bullshit movie like “Snakes on a Plane” to get my mind off of things. When I say bullshit movie I mean it with the highest level of respect. In fact, I think SOAP may indeed be the crown prince of the bullshit movies and director David R. Ellis (“Shark Night 3-D”, “Final Destination 2“) its anointed king.

Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips, “Wolf Creek”) witnesses mobster Eddie Kim beating a federal prosecutor to death with a baseball bat. It’s up to FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson, “The Avengers”, “Pulp Fiction”) to keep Jones alive long enough to fly from Hawaii to L.A. to testify and put Kim away for life. Flynn and his partner commandeer first class on board a Boeing 747-400 to the chagrin of the rest of the passengers who now have to fly coach. Pissed-off pampered passengers are the least of Flynn’s worries; Eddie Kim has managed to have hundreds of venomous snakes of all species and sizes placed in the cargo hold of the plane. Not only that, but one of Kim’s flunkies has sprayed the complimentary leis with a pheromone to make the snakes think they’re going to get laid by some sexy female snake; therefore making them more aggressive in their attacks. Pretty soon you not only have snakes on a plane; but snakes on a tit, snakes on a penis, and snakes on God only knows what else. A more appropriate title for this movie would have been “Horny Snakes on a Plane”. If they ever make a porno parody I suggest they use that title. With the help of flight attendant Claire Miller (Julianna Margulies, “ER”, “The Good Wife”) in the air, and ophiologist Dr. Steven Price (Todd Louiso, “Jerry Maguire“) on the ground, can Flynn get rid of all those motherf*ckin’ snakes on this motherf*cking plane once and for all and get his witness to L.A. in one piece?

“Snakes on a Plane” is not going to win any major awards for its gripping storytelling and compelling portrayals. It’s a movie with one purpose, to take us away from reality for almost two hours and it performs that purpose very well. Every character in the movie is of the cookie cutter variety; you know who’s going to be bitten, constricted or swallowed whole on the basis of their personalities; i.e. the rude businessman or the couple joining the Mile High Club in the lavatory; one of whom is played by future John Carter, Taylor Kitsch. I didn’t care one way or the other who lived or died. “Snakes on a Plane” took my mind off my own problems and that is exactly what the doctor ordered.

TRIVIA

Contrary to popular belief, Samuel L. Jackson’s agent insisted that the title be changed, because Jackson “couldn’t” work on a film with such a title. When Jackson heard about all of this he responded with the much cited comment, “We’re totally changing that back. That’s the only reason I took the job: I read the title.”

450 snakes were used including one 22-foot-long Burmese python.

The filmmakers named the large Burmese python “Kitty”.

The phrase “snakes in the cockpit”, which is said in the film, is used by pilots in reference to the high number of complex tasks they have to accomplish.

The snakes in this film would be more likely to attack each other then humans. Would not deliver a fatal dose of venom and most likely would give a dry bite if they did bite instead of just hide.

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FINAL DESTINATION 3

Aug 15

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FINAL DESTINATION 3-Germany/United States/Canada-2006

 

Featuring in order of demise:

Crystal Lowe as Ashlyn Halperin and Chelan Simmons as Ashley Freund

Sam Easton as Frankie Cheeks

Texas Battle as Lewis Romero

Alexz Johnson as Erin

Maggie Ma as Perry

Kris Lemche as Ian McKinley

Amanda Crew as Julie Christensen

Ryan Merriman as Kevin Fischer

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Wendy Christensen

Directed by James Wong

Written by Glen Morgan and James Wong

Based on characters created by Jeffrey Reddick

All it takes is for a person to view the tanning bed scene in “Final Destination 3” to realize that Death has a sense of humor. Ashlyn (Crystal Lowe, “Wrong Turn 2: Dead End“) and Ashley (Chelan Simmons, “Stephen King’s IT“) are getting their bronze on when through a series of unfortunate events the temperature is raised and they become trapped and are burned to a crisp inside their tanning beds. The moral of this whole deal is that if you’re going to lie down in something that resembles a coffin you may end up lying in the real thing sooner than you think.

Another example of death being a funny guy is in the character of Frankie Cheeks (Scott Easton, “The Butterfly Effect”). Seriously, the guy’s name sounds like he should be in the Mafia; and we know that Mafia guys don’t last long in the movies. Buh-bye, Frankie; say hi to Don Corleone for me.

What about poor Erin (Alexz Johnson, “Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical“)? Her death occurs when she’s shot multiple times by the nail gun her boyfriend was using to kill pigeons. She’s not even given a last name. People with last names usually don’t survive a horror film. Erin, we hardly knew you.

Of course, let’s not forget Ian McKinley (Kris Lemche, “Ginger Snaps”). Dude, you have the last name of a president who was assassinated. Yeah, you’ll go far in “Final Destination 3″. Moving right along.

I have never made any bones about my love for the “Final Destination” franchise. I know that its mindless entertainment with the same plot re-hashed and changed up in each movie. With “Final Destination 3″ it’s a roller coaster and not a multi-car freeway collision and it’s not A.J. Cook but the doe-eyed Mary Elizabeth Winstead freaking out when Death calls for herself and her friends. I actually find myself looking forward to seeing these films and I think the reason is because I would rather see some other poor bastard meet their demise than to have to experience it myself. The last words of convicted murderer Robert Alton Harris were misquoted from “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey“. He said, “You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everybody dances with the grim reaper.” That may be true, but for now I’ll just sit out that dance and let someone else have a turn…but only in the movies.

TRIVIA

Helga Ungurait, the script supervisor, referred to Texas Battle as “the king of adding the word ‘fuck’”, for ad-libbing the word so much.

The scene taking place in the tanning booth was a closed set. Only the camera operators were in the same room with Chelan Simmons and Crystal Lowe and black curtains were draped to keep onlookers out.

Ian’s last name, the high school’s name and the town’s name of McKinley, refer to President William McKinley, who was assassinated.

Tony Todd, who played the mortician in the first two films, provides the voice of the devil above the entrance to the roller coaster. He also provides the speaker’s voice saying, “This is the end of the line” in the subway towards the end of the movie.

½

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Posted in Films in the Final Destination Series, Films Released In 2006, Movies

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