Category Archives: Films Released in 2008
Directed by Arnold Cassius
Adaptation and written by Craig Spector
Based on the novel by John Skipp and Craig Spector
I want to begin by asking a question that is mainly aimed at movie reviewers like me: have you ever watched a movie that was so unbelievably bad that you found yourself at a loss or a near loss for words when it came time to review it? If your answer is yes then you know exactly how I feel about Animals. I want to kick Craig Spector’s ass for writing the screenplay to this film as it is a complete bastardization of his excellent book co-written with John Skipp. I think that John Skipp should sue Spector and the filmmakers for defamation of character. I think Nicki Aycox should sue the filmmakers for telling her this was going to be a werewolf film when it was really a soft-core porno film. I saw Aycox naked so many times in this movie I felt like I was cheating on my wife. This movie is so bad it makes Showgirls look like a Scorcese film.
The plot reads like a porn script with werewolves tossed in as an afterthought. Jarrett (Marc Blucas, Knight and Day, They) meets Nora (Nicki Aycox, 51, Jeepers Creepers 2); they screw. They meet again and guess what; yep, they screw again. They meet for a third time, only this time instead of screwing Jarrett performs an oral sex scene with Nora that looks all too real. Did I mention Vic (Naveen Andrews, Planet Terror, The English Patient), Nora’s jealous werewolf boyfriend? How about Jane (Eva Amurri, Dead Man Walking, Saved!), the waitress/bartender with the hots for Jarrett and who knows a little more than she lets on. Amurri is the only redeeming quality in this laughable film.
Bad writing, bad directing, unnecessary use of slo-mo, music for porno and horrific effects add up to a film that a werewolf would piss all over after tearing the hearts out of the people who made it. Animals bites, and not in the kinky sexy way; after it was over I left $20.00 and a can of Alpo on the nightstand.
One more thing; IMDb.com users gave this a 3.8 rating; Netflix users rated it 4½ out of 5 stars. Studies show that the majority of Netflix users may very well be mentally challenged.
- Do we think Meg will be rememered as a heroine? (samanddeanbrothersinarms.wordpress.com)
- The Battle of Short Films: Signs vs. Paperman (brandsandfilms.com)
- Download Skipp and Spector’s The Light at the End FOR FREE! (dreadcentral.com)
- Peter Giglio-The Fool (wordwebbing.com)
- 15 Tips For Naming Your Characters… Bizarro Or Otherwise (bizarrocentral.com)
- Chevy Thunder (brandsandfilms.com)
- GUEST BLOG: ‘The End of the Symbolic Liminal: Brian Keene and the Rise of the Fast Zombie’ by Andrew P. Williams (North Carolina Central University) (briankeene.com)
- Special Effects Delivers Gore Galore in New Netflix Show ‘Hemlock Grove’ (variety.com)
- Phil Spector film ‘slap in the face’ (bbc.co.uk)
IT’S ALIVE-United States-2008
Directed by Josef Rusnak
Screenplay by Larry Cohen, Paul Sopocy and James Portolese
Based on the film by Larry Cohen
Just before I began writing the review for this movie I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to look and it was me. I said to myself, ‘Yes, what is it?’ I then said to me, ‘Yeah, um, didn’t you just review the 1974 It’s Alive for the post right before the one you did of all the vampire pictures?’ I told myself that I had indeed done just that very thing. I answered myself by asking the question ‘Well, this is basically the same movie as the original film except that it takes place in New Mexico and is a little more gory and shows boobies, right?’ ‘Right, said I to me. So what are we getting at here?’ Then, shockingly, I said, ‘So why not just re-post the same review for the 2008 remake as you did for the 1974 original?’ Shocked and flabbergasted I explained to me that I could never deceive my readers in such a manner as that. They depend on me (kind of) to write reasonably witty and somewhat smart-ass reviews of these dumb as bricks horror movies that should only be shown as punishment in the lower circles of Hell itself. So I told myself, “Listen, you good for nothing son of a bitch, I’m going to write an original review for this remake of a 1974 film about a couple, Frank (James Murray, All The King’s Men) and Lenore (Bijou Phillips, Hostel Part II, Almost Famous) who conceive a child that likes a little flesh and blood mixed in with mommy’s boob milk. Speaking of conception, one has to wonder that with a name like Bijou where exactly she was conceived; perhaps the back seat of a car at a drive-in or in the back row of a movie theater? Anyways, It’s Alive of 2008 is an unnecessary remake of a film that, while fun, just wasn’t that good in the first place. The remake is even worse. I believe writer-director Larry Cohen was trying to get a message across with the 1974 film. I can’t say that he succeeded, but at least he tried. Here writers Cohen, Paul Sopocy, James Portolese and director Josef Rusnak just seem to trying to figure out how many painfully stupid scenes they can pack into an 85 minute movie; the answer is a hell of a lot.
After I explained all this to myself, I understood; and therefore was able to sit down and write my review for It’s Alive, circa 2008. I just hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it.
- Movies I Should Have Seen By Now: “Chinatown” (1974) (lincolnblogsstuff.wordpress.com)
- Omawumi – Stay Alive (hiphopsouth.wordpress.com)
- MUSIC: Omawumi ( @Omawumi ) – Stay Alive (streetwizeent.wordpress.com)
- Zach Stahly in Bando Nationals Kickboxing Tournament (inthedojo.wordpress.com)
- Pairing a Spooky Movie with the Ideal Sweet Snack for a Halloween Date (berries.com)
- LA Fashion Week, Fall 2008: Whitley Kros (fabsugar.com)
- Top 10 Disaster Movies (popcornpreviews.com)
- It’s Alive (1974) (journeysinclassicfilm.com)
- Larry Cohen, Joe Sestak, & Sherrod Brown Join Todays Conversation Today On The Ed Schultz Show! (seattle.cbslocal.com)
- Cohen Media Group picks up Gilles Legrand film (variety.com)
Directed by Alexandre Aja
Screenplay by Alexandre Aja and Gregory Levasseur
Based on a screenplay by Kim Sung-ho
We begin with a man, a security guard, as he runs terrified from an unseen pursuer through a subway station. Checking, testing every locked door and gate for an escape, he finally finds himself in a locker room. There is a window, but it is bricked up. He is trapped. The locker doors open, each one with a mirror revealing the man’s reflection. He pleads and begins to clean the mirrors. One of them breaks and a shard of glass falls to the floor where he bends down to pick it up. His reflection remains standing. The reflection stabs itself in the neck and runs the shard across its throat. A crimson line appears on the man’s neck as his throat is opened and he dies.
It is 8 o’clock in the morning and Ben Carson awakens. He tells his sister to go back to sleep and that everything will be okay. He reports for his first day on the job as a security guard at the Mayflower, a once luxurious department store gutted by fire. A newspaper article and conversation with the guard, Sapelli, as they tour the building gives us clues as to why Carson, a former NYPD detective, is no longer employed with the force. The guard tells Carson about the Mayflower and the security guard, Gary Lewis, who was there before Ben and his obsession with keeping the mirrors in the building polished.
As the film progresses, we meet Ben’s estranged wife. She doesn’t want him making visits to his children without calling first. We find out that he killed a man in the line of duty and that Ben’s drinking is a cause for their separation. They argue loudly and their young son covers his ears and submerges himself in the bathtub water to drown them out. Ben leaves.
On his first night at the Mayflower Ben stands in front of a huge mirror. He sees a handprint and tries to wipe it off, but it will not come clean. He traces his flashlight along the length of the mirror and sees that it is covered with handprints. He hears the door behind him open but sees that the mirror does not reflect the action.
Later, at home with his younger sister, Ben sees a distorted image of himself reflected in the bathroom mirror. He reacts, afraid. He assumes it is because of stress.
At the Mayflower Ben again experiences strange phenomena with the mirrors. One cracks and cuts his hand and then repairs itself. He sees images of people burning. His own reflection bursts into flame and he is left writhing in pain on the floor. He escapes and later finds the ID badge of the guard, Lewis, who worked there previously. He also finds a slip of paper with one word, ‘esseker’, written on it. He explores further and hears a woman’s terrified screams coming from somewhere in the building. He sees image after image of a woman burned; but only in the mirrors.
What is the secret of the Mayflower and the mirrors? Is Ben merely stressed; or are there supernatural forces at work that are beyond his comprehension. I will stop here with my summary of the movie. To go further would tempt me to use spoilers and I hate spoilers.
I liked Mirrors. The film is directed by Alexandre Aja and is loosely based on a Korean film; Into the Mirror, written and directed by Kim Sung-ho. Aja kept a few scenes from the original film, but for the most part has crafted an entirely different interpretation.
The film appears to be a departure for Aja. Despite some intense moments of gore, the movie could be classified as more of a psychological tale and not of the relentless slasher variety as depicted in his breakthrough film High Tension or his over the top yet entertaining adaptations of Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes and Joe Dante’s Piranha. I don’t know if this new approach is the reason for the lack of popular opinion for Mirrors, but I do know that people become accustomed to a certain style from a filmmaker like Aja. When that style is not presented in their work it can lead to anger from the masses. It seems ironic that I would like Mirrors; of all the people I know I am the one who hates change the most.
This is one of my favorite performances from Kiefer Sutherland (The Lost Boys and 24). He has always been an actor that I thought was full of a rage that is just bubbling underneath the surface of his skin. Sutherland uses this intensity to great effect in the role of Ben Carson. Paula Patton (Hitch and Swing Vote) is good as Amy, Carson’s estranged wife and Amy Smart (Crank and The Butterfly Effect) gives a brief but engaging performance as Ben’s younger sister, Angela.
My biggest complaint I have regarding Mirrors is that Aja throws in too many scenes of reflective surfaces. I understand that these things are a large part of our everyday lives and that we are so used to them that we barely notice them; I don’t need to be beaten over the head to remind me of this. Add a twist ending that doesn’t stray too far into M. Night Shyamalan territory and despite a few distorted moments Mirrors is a fairly polished tale of terror.
The name ‘Esseker’ is an anagram for ‘Seekers’. This can be an appropriate terminology for the demons who live on the other side of the mirrors seeking out their host, Anna Esseker.
Shot in Romania, most of it was filmed in Nicolae Ceausescu‘s unfinished Academy of Sciences building in Bucharest.
Grégory Levasseur had to fill in as director for the scene where Kiefer Sutherland thinks he’s on fire as Alexandre Aja had to leave urgently. His wife had just gone into premature labor.
Amy Smart had to be fed through a straw for her big bathroom scene as she obviously was unable to open her mouth.
- Exclusive: Alexandre Aja Talks Maniac, Future Projects – Joe Hill’s Horns and His Egyptian Found Footage Flick, Plus More! (dreadcentral.com)
- Trend Alert: Mirrors (fabsugar.com)
- Simply Fab: Who’s The Fairest Mirror (fabsugar.com)
- Mirror, mirror, on the wall (money-advice.co.uk)
- New Warp-Free Mirror Eliminates Blind Spots (carsafetynews.org)
- 5th Annual Ben Carson Celebrity Golf Tournament & Golf Ball Drop (wbaltv.com)
- Mirrors Deny Their Reflection (inkedpen.wordpress.com)
- Paul Allen Goes Old Master (thedailybeast.com)
- What’s Kiefer Sutherland Been Up To Since 24? Making Dynamite Cupcakes, Obviously (gizmodo.com.au)
- MTV Geek’s Frightful Faves: The Ending To ‘High Tension’ Is A Mess, But You Should Still See It (geek-news.mtv.com)
Directed by Ryûhei Kitamura
Screenplay by Jeff Buhler
Based on the short story by Clive Barker
The blurb on the DVD release of Clive Barker’s “The Midnight Meat Train” proclaims that it’s the best adaptation of his work since the first “Hellraiser” film. While I agree that it is easily one of the best films of one of Barker’s stories, I disagree with how far back they’ve gone to compare it. If it were me, I would go back to “Candyman”, a film based on his “The Forbidden”. Both films are based on stories from Barker’s “Books of Blood” and both feature a hero or heroine who eventually ends up becoming the evil they are attempting to vanquish.
Bradley Cooper (“The Hangover” and “Limitless”) is Leon, a photographer with hopes of taking that next step of recognition so that he can stop making money by selling his photos to the Post. He becomes obsessed with a butcher named Mahogany, portrayed by Vinnie Jones (“Snatch”, “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels“) who he begins to believe has been murdering people on the night train for over a hundred years. The closer Leon gets to the truth, the more he puts his girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb, “Trick ‘r’ Treat”) and his best friend Jurgis (Roger Bart, “Hostel Part II“) in danger.
The film adaptations of Clive Barker’s work has been spotty, to say the least. While films like “Hellraiser” and “Candyman” were well received; films like “Rawhead Rex“, “Nightbreed” and “Lord of Illusion” were vilified upon their release. This goes far to explain why “The Midnight Meat Train” was released to the discount or dollar theaters upon its initial release. It’s a shame, too; “Meat Train” is a good film. The acting is above average for a horror film and there’s enough gore in the film to please the splatter freaks; including an eye-popping moment featuring Ted Raimi as a hapless passenger on the train.
My only complaint is that the ending was a bit too neat in that it wrapped things up a little too quickly. Besides that, though, “The Midnight Meat Train” is one that Clive Barker can be proud of.
Clive Barker provided some of the paintings seen in Susan Hoff’s (Brooke Shields) art gallery.
Vinnie Jones and Bradley Cooper were born exactly ten years apart on January 5th. Vinnie in 1965, and Bradley in 1975.
The train in the film is a modified 2200 Chicago elevated car.
- Clive Barker Triple Feature at Portage Theater in Chicago, July 13; Win Free Tix! (dreadcentral.com)
- Clive Barker Exclusive: “Why Do You Choose Any Story to Tell? Because It Excites You” (omnivoracious.com)
- Boom! Studios Preview: Clive Barker’s Hellraiser #15 (inveteratemediajunkies.com)
- First Schism Pictures Proof Positive of Why You Should Never Anger Vinnie Jones (dreadcentral.com)
- Collins’ Crypt: Thoughts On NIGHTBREED – The Cabal Cut (badassdigest.com)
- Clive Barker Confirms Extended Nightbreed Coming To Blu-Ray (geeksyndicate.wordpress.com)
- New Images from Ryuhei Kitamura’s NO ONE LIVES, Ben Wheatley’s SIGHTSEERS, Eva Sørhaug’s 90 MINUTES, and Zhang Yuan’s BEIJING FLICKERS (collider.com)
- I Need More Sharp Objects (tracyconstantinewriter.wordpress.com)
- Rob Reports: Sarah Hall and Tessa Hadley @ EdBookfest 2012 (robaroundbooks.com)
- Galilee by Clive Barker (mibreviews.com)
Written and Directed by Pascal Laugier
At the beginning of “Martyrs” a young girl, clad only in a t-shirt and underpants and covered with welts and bruises is seen running from a building and down the street. Her name is Lucie and she has been held captive for a long period of time. We do not know why, nor do we know by whom. Lucie goes to live at an orphanage where she becomes friends with Anna (Morjana Alaoui, “Special Forces“). It is while Lucie is in the orphanage that we discover that she believes she is being tortured by an emaciated woman with cuts and scars all over her body.
15 years pass and Lucie (Mylène Jampanoï, “Hereafter” ) invades the home of the couple she believes is responsible for the torture that she endured during her period of captivity. She murders everyone in the house, including the teenage son and daughter. She calls Anna and tells her what she has done and Anna arrives at the house. At first she believes that Lucie may have murdered the wrong people; but Lucie is insistent that the man and woman are the ones who hurt her. Later, Anna discovers that the woman is still alive and tries to help her, but Lucie catches her and bludgeons the woman to death. Lucie is then again attacked by the emaciated woman. She cuts Lucie’s arms and slams her head violently into the wall. Anna only sees Lucie hurting herself and realizes that the woman is a figment of Lucie’s imagination. Lucie runs through the glass door and into the pouring rain. Before Anna can stop her, she cuts her throat, committing suicide.
Later, after Anna has brought Lucie inside and prepared her for burial, she finds an area underneath the house that is exactly how Lucie described her place of captivity. She finds a girl, chained and blindfolded. The girl is murdered before Anna can do much to help her. Anna is then captured and the cycle begins again. A mysterious woman (Catherine Bégin, “The Uncanny“) explains to her that she belongs to a society that is hoping for the discovery of the afterlife through the creation of martyrs. Anna is chained and left in darkness. Every day she is beaten mercilessly and treated with absolute violence until she finally breaks.
The one thing that I usually don’t do in regards to reviewing a film is to give a long descriptive narrative concerning the plot. Halfway through watching “Martyrs”, I realized that there was going to be no other way to get my point across about the film. You need to feel for these girls the same way that I did. You need to understand their pain. “Martyrs” is one of the single most disturbing films I have ever witnessed. At times I found myself checking the clock, hoping that it would be over soon. But then to my dismay I found that I could not tear my eyes away from what was happening onscreen. “Martyrs” is not a film that you can think you know from reading the plot. “Martyrs” is a film that you must discover for yourself. I must give you fair warning; for better or for worse, it will change you.
In Pascal Laugier’s previous film House of Voices, the main character is called Anna Jurin. In Martyrs, Anna is one of the female leads’ character names, whilst Lucie Jurin is the other.
- Bantayog Martyrs: Between Vatican II and Martial Law (edicio.wordpress.com)
- Martyrs (2008) Horror Movie Review (oldgamereviewer.com)
- THE TALL MAN Official Trailer Is Even Scarier (geektyrant.com)
- Watch Jessica Biel in Action in this New Clip from THE TALL MAN (collider.com)
- The Tall Man comes up short on terror (guardian.co.uk)
- RIP Arvind Kejriwal (fakeindianjournalist.wordpress.com)
- Man wanted for Miami shooting spree caught in Port St. Lucie backyard (miamiherald.com)
- Indian troops martyr 13 Kashmiris in May (nation.com.pk)
- Birth anniversary of martyr Sukraraj marked (thehimalayantimes.com)
- St. María Goretti, a child martyred for defending her virginity | ROME REPORTS TV News Agency (amhec.wordpress.com)
- Three more bodies recovered from Gayari avalanche site (nation.com.pk)
- The story of Sitra’s martyrs (bahraincoordinatingcommittee.org)
- ‘The Tall Man’ International Trailer: ‘Martyrs’ Director Puts Jessica Biel Through a Different Horror (slashfilm.com)
- Birthday of Gayari martyr celebrated (nation.com.pk)
- Report proposes martyrs’ categorisation (thehimalayantimes.com)
- Movie Discussion: Pascal Laugier’s Martyrs (2008) (girlmeetsfreak.com)
- Lucy Hall falls back to fifth in cycling at triathlon (itv.com)
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- London 2012 Olympics: Day Eight morning sessionLive – BBC Sport (bbc.co.uk)
- First Clip from The Tall Man Chases Down Jessica Biel (dreadcentral.com)
- Unsettling International Trailer for THE TALL MAN with Jessica Biel (geektyrant.com)
- The French Trailer For Pascal Laguier’s THE TALL MAN (thepeoplesmovies.com)
- THE TALL MAN International Trailer and Poster (collider.com)
- Fantasia Faceoff: The Tall Man vs. Headshot (bloodyunderrated.net)
Directed by Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel
Written by Trent Haaga
File this one under F for ‘Fucked Up.’
When you first begin watching “Deadgirl” you think that it’s a representation of teenagers who have no parental supervision and the lengths that they will go to because of that. You would be right about that. Two boys, Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez-”Red Riding Hood”), and JT (Noah Segan-”Brick”) discover a woman chained to a gurney in the basement of an abandoned mental asylum. Ricky wants nothing to do with the whole situation; but JT wades in balls deep into depravity and not only abuses her sexually, but discovers that no matter what he does to her, be it breaking her neck, strangling her or even multiple gunshot wounds, she simple will not die. So, is “Deadgirl” a take on the unsupervised teens of today? Yes, I do believe that it is. But wait, there’s more fun for you boys and girls.
When I reviewed “Pontypool” I thought that it would be a long time before I saw another film that treated the zombie genre as more than just human beings blowing the heads off the undead and the living impaired plodding along begging for brains with vocal cords that have seen better days. I didn’t have to wait very long after all as “Deadgirl” is exactly that type of film. Like “Pontypool” it never mentions the word ‘zombie’ because it doesn’t have to. It treats the viewer like it has a brain and an intelligent one at that. There are also, of course, the obvious reasons why the film belongs in the zombie genre; but I’ll let you watch the film and figure it out for yourself.
As the ‘Deadgirl’, Jenny Spain impressed me. It’s not often that an actress can be naked onscreen the entire time, never utter a word and still make you feel for her and her situation. If the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences gave an Oscar for ‘Best Performance by an Actor/Actress playing dead’ she would win hands down.
As I said before you can file “Deadgirl” under F for ‘Fucked Up’ and that’s exactly what it is. You can also file it under D for ‘damn good.’
- Ashley Greene Skates Into the Arms of Her Cute Costar Shiloh Fernandez (popsugar.com)
- Writer Trent Haaga, Director CM Downs and Cast to Attend Dread Central’s Online American Maniacs Screening (dreadcentral.com)
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- Doctor Gash Hosts Dread Central’s Screening of American Maniacs on Constellation TV (dreadcentral.com)
- Killjoy 2 (2002) (horror-movie-a-day.blogspot.com)
- Exclusive Video, Photos, and News: CM Downs and Ashlynn Yennie Discuss American Maniacs (dreadcentral.com)
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Directed by Bruce McDonald
Written by Tony Burgess and based on his novel
Words are a powerful thing. Did you ever take a simple word and repeat it over and over to yourself? A word as simple as ‘what’ or ‘who’ can become completely foreign to you if repeated enough times. “Pontypool” is a twist of zombie film in which the zombie apocalypse begins not with a virus, not with a comet passing over the earth; but instead it begins when the words we hear each and every day affect us in such a way that we are driven to unspeakable acts.
Stephen McHattie is Grant Mazzy, a radio DJ in the cold little town of Pontypool. Mazzy is the morning DJ, the guy that wakes you up long before that hot cup of coffee or that cold shower. In a film that echoes the October 30, 1938 radio broadcast of the “War of the Worlds“, Mazzy is our Orson Welles as he reports on the strange goings on in the town of Pontypool. The word ‘zombie’ is never used at any time in the film. It doesn’t have to be. As Mazzy speaks to eyewitnesses over the phone it is made all too clear that it’s the end of the world as we know it and that those fuckers in REM were wrong. Nobody feels fine because ‘fine’ may very well be the word that turns them into monsters.
This is as ingenious a horror film as you’re likely to see. There’s not a lot of gore, which may turn hardcore zombie fans off a bit. That doesn’t matter; what matters is that Pontypool is a new way of telling an old story. This is proof that words are so powerful that they can kill you.
If I hear the word ‘cunt’ one more fucking time…
Bruce McDonald, the director of the film, has said that the victims of the virus are called “conversationalists,” as opposed to “zombies”. In describing the stages of the virus, McDonald said: “There are three stages to this virus. The first stage is you might begin to repeat a word. Something gets stuck. And usually it’s words that are terms of endearment, like sweetheart or honey. The second stage is your language becomes scrambled and you can’t express yourself properly. The third stage is that you become so distraught at your condition that the only way out of the situation you feel, as an infected person, is to try and chew your way through the mouth of another person”.
Actress Georgina Reilly had a problem with her character’s having to “babble” and was concerned about what the words would mean to her character.
Tony Burgess, the film’s writer and the author of the novel on which the film is based – “Pontypool Changes Everything” – makes a brief cameo in the film as the male singer of Lawrence and the Arabians. His character is credited as “Tony (Lawrence)”. (In fact, at the end of the scene where the singers have performed for the bemused Grant Mazzy, Mazzy himself actually refers to Burgess’ character as “Tony Burgess.”)
- The Undiscovered Gems Of Netflix Streaming (buzzfeed.com)
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- Fantasia 2012: More Info on the Frontieres International Co-Production Market (dreadcentral.com)
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- A New Poster Arrives for A Little Bit Zombie (dreadcentral.com)
- Canadian Release Details for A Little Bit Zombie; A Glimpse into the Life of Zombie Hunter Max (dreadcentral.com)
- Top 10 Older Films Discovered in 2011 (shootingthescript.wordpress.com)
- The Tracey Fragments (2007) (wonderfulcinema.com)
- Production Begins on Reverse Ghost Story HAUNTER Starring Abigail Breslin (collider.com)
- A LITTLE BIT ZOMBIE Official Gala at Victoria Film Festival (prweb.com)
You know how you can tell that you’re a true, bona fide hardcore horror fan? It’s deceptively easy, really. It’s Friday night; you’re bored, you got no girlfriend (maybe because you live in your parent’s basement) and you’ve got nothing to do. So, you get a bright idea. You think “Hey! I’m going to go to the video store!” So you go, and you’re looking through the horror film section and all of a sudden you come upon a film with the most enticing of titles: ZOMBIE STRIPPERS. You grab it from off the shelf and you draw in a deep breath and you say, out loud, “ALL RIGHT!!! ZOMBIES!!! Then you look even further and you see that it stars JENNA JAMESON and ROBERT ENGLUND. Well, Katy bars the door because you have just become about as happy as Rosie O’Donnell at a discount carpet store. This movie has got ROBERT FREAKIN’ ENGLUND in it. Oh wait, what’s it about? You look at the back of the cover…military…experiment gone wrong…strippers turning into zombies…yada yada yada…Jenna Jameson. Yes, oh yes, Jenna Jameson plays a stripper in this movie. Ladies and gentleman, the award for biggest acting stretch goes to…oh, who gives a shit about Jenna Jameson? You can see her munching on all sorts of body parts if you do the right Google search. Incidentally, have you got a good look at her lately? I can assure you that they didn’t have to use much makeup to turn her into a zombie. But may I remind you once again that this movie has got ROBERT FREAKIN’ ENGLUND in it!! You put it under your hairy little arm, walk to the counter, slap down your rental card and your cash and bing, boom, bam you are out the door and on your way home to watch Zombies and that guy that played Freddy Krueger. What was his name again? Let me think…oh yeah, ROBERT FREAKIN’ ENGLUND!
By the way, for those of you who aren’t bona fide hardcore horror fans; this movie has strippers in it. Jenna Jameson is in it, too. She gets naked. Yeah.
Directed by John Eric Dowdle
Screenplay by John Eric Dowdle and Drew Dowdle
It’s 4 in the morning, I’ve got a cold and I just finished sneezing, coughing and hacking my way through REC. Oh, wait a minute. Did I say REC? I meant Quarantine. I’m sorry; I guess this cold has got me a little loopier than I thought it did. I seriously thought that I was watching REC. I mean the shots are all the same, the camera angles are all the same. The actors are speaking English, but can’t they do that with dubbing or some crap like that? I mean, even the crappy apartment building that the news crew and the fire department guys are trapped in with the infected looks just like the one from REC. Son of a bitch are you sure I didn’t just watch REC for a second time?
Okay, I’m going to can the bullshit now. I know I just watched Quarantine. My question is why in the hell would you make an exact remake of a motion picture in the first place. Didn’t they learn anything from the Psycho remake? I mean, okay, so REC isn’t a classic like Psycho, but didn’t the producers of Quarantine learn anything from that Gus Van Sant remake fiasco? What is the point in remaking a film if you’re going to remake the exact same film? I saw REC, I loved REC. I just saw Quarantine, I didn’t love Quarantine. I don’t even honestly know if I even liked it. I like Jennifer Carpenter and I like Jay Hernandez. The trouble is I want to see them in something way more original than this film. I’m sure a lot of other people feel the same way. Quarantine is the cinematic equivalent of dating a beautiful redhead and getting all this great action from her 5 nights a week. But for the other two nights, she’s only so-so in the ‘making sweet love by the fire’ department. Why? Because it’s her twin sister and she just isn’t as freaky.
See REC, it’s the freakier redhead. Quarantine is the more reserved twin sister.
Was not screened for US critics.
All the symptoms in the film of the illness are genuine symptoms of rabies.
Jennifer Carpenter specifically asked that she never see the attic set. That way, she would know nothing about what to expect to see there, let alone be familiar with any of its geography.
Cloverfield is a hybrid of a film that teeter-totters precariously on the line between American style kaiju (giant monster) horror and good old science fiction films ala’ The Beast From 20000 Fathoms. It is a film about an attack on the many as documented by the few. A group of twenty something’s are throwing a party for one of their own who is going away to live in Japan when they experience what they at first believe is an earthquake. It turns out to be a lot more than an earthquake and the rest of the film revolves around the six main characters attempting to rescue a friend and simultaneously try to stay alive themselves. The party, and then the attack, is chronicled from the lens of a hand held video camera. It’s odd watching as we first see video testimonies from the upwardly mobile young crowd segue-way into scenes of destruction and carnage. It’s easy to see why the film could be considered a metaphor for the 9/11 attacks; the enemy is at first unknown and the initial show of force is on a treasured landmark, in the film it’s the Statue of Liberty. 9/11 occurred merely seven years prior to the release of Cloverfield. We are just beginning to heal from that day in 2011, so one only imagines how deep the wounds ran in 2008.
Cloverfield is the American Godzilla movie that the (Roland)Emmerich Godzilla movie should have been. Emmerich’s film was more about Matthew Broderick acting cute, Jean Reno acting embarrassed and GINO (Godzilla In Name Only) wanting to crawl into a hole and die. Cloverfield is more about the people than the monster. It is about what they do in the face of adversity and the decisions they make when hard pressed. They don’t always make the right choices, but, hey, that’s life.
The first trailer for this movie played before Transformers. It showed a giant explosion in the heart of New York City and the Statue of Liberty’s head being thrown down a street. It was shot with a hand-held video recorder. There was no title.
The title “Cloverfield”; initially just a codename for the movie, is named for the boulevard in Santa Monica where the Bad Robot offices were located during the making of the film.
The decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty in the street is inspired by the poster for John Carpenter’s Escape from New York, which depicts the head of the Statue of Liberty lying in the middle of the street.
- Cloverfield Director Snags Gig On New Twilight Zone Remake! (perezhilton.com)
- New Writer Hired! It’s Godzilla vs. David Goyer! (dreadcentral.com)
- Cloverfield (peneloperocksout.wordpress.com)
- Affiliate Link – Cloverfield Monster on Sale at Entertainment Earth (battlegrip.com)