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Category Archives: Films Released in 2011

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE)

Apr 24

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THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE)-United States-2011

human-centipede-2-full-sequence-movie-poster-01

Ashlynn Yennie as Miss Yennie-Centipede #1

Ashlynn Yennie as Miss Yennie-Centipede #1

Laurence Harvey as Martin

Laurence Harvey as Martin

Written and directed by Tom Six

The Plot (Taken from IMDb.com): Inspired by the fictional Dr. Heiter, disturbed loner Martin dreams of creating a 12-person centipede and sets out to realize his sick fantasy.

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) is a vile, depraved and disgusting film that deserves no recognition and no place in cinema. Writer/director Tom Six can kiss my ass. On second thought, no he cannot kiss my ass; I don’t want to give him any ideas for future movies. I refuse to waste any more words on this garbage.

TRIVIA

On June 6, 2011, the BBFC (UK certification board) refused to grant this film a certificate, effectively banning the movie from being shown in cinemas or DVD in the UK. However, on October 6, 2011, the BBFC granted the film an 18 certificate after 32 cuts totaling 2 minutes and 37 seconds were made.

When Laurence R. Harvey auditioned, Tom Six asked him to “rape” a chair, which he did.

Miss Yennie tells Martin she can’t believe she’s auditioning for a Quentin Tarantino movie. Tarantino shot portions of Kill Bill: Vol. 1 in black and white to appease gore-sensitive censors; it’s rumored that Tom Six filmed The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) in black and white for the same reason.

0 BLOOD DROPS

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THE MOTH DIARIES

Apr 23

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THE MOTH DIARIES-Canada/Ireland-2011

The-moth-diaries-scott-speedman-30806781-940-1393

Lily Cole as Ernessa

Lily Cole as Ernessa

Sarah Gadon (m) as Lucy

Sarah Gadon (m) as Lucy

Sarah Bolger as Rebecca

Sarah Bolger as Rebecca

Judy Parfitt as Mrs. Rood (Image not from film)

Judy Parfitt as Mrs. Rood (Image not from film)

Scott Speedman as Mr. Davies

Scott Speedman as Mr. Davies

Directed by Mary Harron

Screenplay by Mary Harron

Based on the novel by Rachel Klein

This is a tough one. I see The Moth Diaries not as a traditional vampire tale; i.e. Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu or Dracula by Bram Stoker; in which the vampire appears almost out of nowhere and begins to slowly insinuate its way into the lives of its victims. I may be wrong; and I am certain there will be enough eager people out there to tell me that I am; but I saw The Moth Diaries as a loss not of life, but of friendship. An alternate title could have been “How to Lose Your B.F.F. to the Pale Chick across the Hall”. Rebecca (Sarah Bolger, Once Upon a Time, Crush), Lucy (Sarah Gadon, Antiviral, Cosmopolis), Charley (Valerie Tian, 21 Jump Street), Dora (Melissa Farman) and Sofia (Laurence Hamelin) are best friends who attend the Brangwyn School for Girls. The bond between Rebecca and Lucy is stronger because, as Rebecca writes in her diary, Lucy taught her how to live again after the suicide of her father.

Enter Ernessa (Lily Cole, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus). Raven-haired, pale and with a foreign lilt to her speech and an air of mystery surrounding her; she slowly works her way into the circle of friends; influencing them, charming them, stealing them away until Rebecca is left with no one. What is Ernessa’s secret? Is she a vampire, as Rebecca wants to believe; or has Rebecca been taking Mr. Davies’ (Scott Speedman, Underworld) class on literature and the supernatural a bit too seriously? What about that smell, simultaneously sweet and rotting coming from Ernessa’s room? What about the thousands of moths? Did Rebecca and Dora really see Ernessa intangibly enter her bedroom window from several stories up?

I never read the novel The Moth Diaries. I base my review on the strengths and weaknesses of the movie alone. Two things I discovered are that I liked the movie better than I thought I would. It’s a well-acted and more capable film than its given credit for. The other thing is that I plan to read the source novel by Rachel Klein. Will I love the book and hate the film after reading; or will it be the other way around? Who knows? That’s the fun of it.

One more thing that I noticed: Scott Speedman, who plays the teacher Mr. Davies, also played a werewolf (lycan) in Underworld; which would basically make him a werewolf in a girl’s dormitory. I just wanted to put that out there for you.

NO TRIVIA

bloodblood½

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LOVELY MOLLY

Aug 3

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LOVELY MOLLY-United States-2011

Gretchen Lodge as Molly

Directed by Eduardo Sanchez

Screenplay by Eduardo Sanchez and Jamie Nash

“Lovely Molly” begins with a woman talking into a video camera while holding a knife to her throat and attempting what seems to be simultaneously  an apology and a suicide, but we don’t know to whom or why. The woman is Molly; to say that she’s seen better days is a massive understatement. “Lovely Molly” is equal parts ghost story and possession film. It’s about forever being condemned by our past and the haunting hold that it has over us.

Newlyweds Molly (Gretchen Lodge, “The Cigar Collector”) and Tim (Johnny Lewis, “The Runaways“) move into Molly’s old childhood home. From snippets of conversation we get the impression that growing up in the home wasn’t in the idyllic style of Ozzie and Harriet; especially in areas concerning Molly’s late father. The film never truly reveals what the man did; but if I were to hazard the words ‘incestuous’ and ‘molestation’ would come to mind. Molly has a sister, Hannah (Alexandra Holden), with her own part of the past that ties into the whole affair. There is also talk of their mother and how she was unable to protect the two of them after her death.

Tim is a trucker and therefore leaves Molly alone in the house for long periods of time. Soon, it becomes clear that Molly is not altogether ‘alone’ in the house. A recovering heroin addict, she finds it hard to convince anyone that what happens to her is real. As I said before, the film is a ghost story. There are enough creaks and disembodied voices in the style of (Eduardo) Sanchez’ earlier film “The Blair Witch Project” to make that all too obvious. What’s not obvious is the possession side of the story. Sanchez doesn’t make clear when exactly the possession of Molly occurs. Although some would see that as a failure on his part, I don’t. I’m tired of films where the director has to hold our hand through every scene and explain what’s happening. Sanchez treats his audience like they have a mind of their own and I for one applaud that.

The biggest criticism that one could have with “Lovely Molly” is that it moves at a near snail’s pace in order to get to the point. While I understand that Sanchez does this in order to set the mood, I still feel that he could have moved things along a tad quicker.

“Lovely Molly” is by no means a perfect horror film. It raises as many questions as it answers and as I said before it moves a bit too slow. However, it is also an effectively frightening film that easily shows that Eduardo Sanchez is no one-hit wonder. Then again, perhaps the term should be ‘one-witch’ wonder.

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11-11-11

Jul 1

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11-11-11-United States/Spain-2011

Timothy Gibbs as Joseph Crone

Michael Landes as Samuel Crone

Wendy Glenn as Sadie

Written and directed by Darren Lynn Bousman

If you weren’t aware of it by now, Darren Lynn Bousman’s fifteen minutes of fame have expired. Of course I must remind you that those minutes were aided by the fact that he directed three sequels of the “Saw” franchise, an already popular yet waning series. So, needless to say, he had a little help with that Warhol-esque time in his life and career.

He’s on his own with “11-11-11″ , a doomsday yawner about a man who had lost his faith, finds coincidence in the titular numbers and then regains a degree of that faith only to be duped by it all in the end. Trust me; I’m not giving away the ending. You can’t give away something that you see coming from a mile off in the distance. Seeing as how most horror films nowadays rely on fast cuts and jump scenes to scare their viewers, Bousman appears to be the anti-jump scene director; as every scene was telegraphed so far ahead that there may as well have been a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen that read “We’re going to try and scare you now.” That and the fact that the hooded figures that make random appearances throughout the film are about as scary as grandpa with no dentures make this film about as exciting as watching snails fornicate.

What really bugs me about “11-11-11″ is that Bousman doesn’t seem to know if he’s making an h0rror movie or a propaganda film for an end-times cult. Either way, by the end of the film the main character regains his faith; whereas the audience loses theirs as soon as it begins. Not their religious faith, mind you, merely their faith in Darren Lynn Bousman.

NO TRIVIA

NO BLOOD DROPS

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JOHN CARPENTER’S THE WARD

Jun 21

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JOHN CARPENTER’S THE WARD-United States-2011

Amber Heard as Kristen

Mamie Gummer as Emily

Laura-Leigh (left) as Zoey

Mika Boorem (left) as Alice

Jared Harris as Dr. Stringer

Directed by John Carpenter

Written by Michael Rasmussen and Shawn Rasmussen

John Carpenter’s still got it. If you don’t believe me, then by all means check out “The Ward.” Despite the fact that it has nearly every cliché associated with films set within mental institutions (the Nurse Ratchet type nurse, the orderly that catches you at every turn, pretending to swallow the pills they give you, shock therapy) and an ending that was telegraphed from the next county, “The Ward” is a triumphant return to horror for a director that’s been gone for far too long. It has not been since “Insidious” that I have found myself clutching my chest and breathing heavy as I just did while watching this film. Carpenter turns the tension up to ten and keeps going until he shatters our minds with terror and fear.

Kristen (Amber Heard-”All the Boys Love Mandy Lane“, “Zombieland”) is placed in a mental institution after setting fire to a farmhouse and watching it burn. Like R.P. McMurphy before her, she bucks the system and attempts every possible way to escape the confines of the ward. Unlike our old pal R.P., her reason for leaving is quite a different story. It seems that all the friends (Mamie Gummer, Danielle Panabaker, Lyndsy Fonseca, and Laura-Leigh) that she’s made on the ward are being murdered by an angry and vengeful ghost named Alice Hudson and Kristen just so happens to be on her shit list. Why, you ask; I’ll never tell. That would be cheating. Watch the film and see for yourself just like I did.

I will tell you this much; “The Ward” is John Carpenter’s best film since “The Thing.” It is a welcome return to form for a director who long ago strayed off the beaten path of his vision. Bow down to the king, peasants.

TRIVIA

John Carpenter’s first full-length feature film since Ghosts of Mars, and his first feature not shot in Panavision since his debut Dark Star.

On the audio commentary, Jared Harris asks John Carpenter why he did not compose the soundtrack, John replied “quite frankly, I’m just too old.”

½

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MONSTER BRAWL

Jun 20

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MONSTER BRAWL-Canada-2011

Dave Foley as Buzz Chambers

Robert Maillet as Frankenstein

Kevin Nash as Colonel Crookshank

Jimmy Hart as Himself

Herb Dean as Himself

and featuring Lance Henriksen as the voice of God.

Written and directed by Jesse T. Cook

There are two things I love in this world; horror movies and professional wrestling. It was around the age of seven years old that my sister began scaring the crap out of me and leaving a lasting mark by telling me that there was a werewolf in my closet just waiting for the full moon to ravage and devour my tender young body. Wait a minute, stop, hold on, time out. Did I just say ‘my tender young body’? That sounds so…icky. The next thing you know I’ll have NAMBLA following my blog. Back off, you sick pervs!

Cut to three years later and at the age of ten I attended my very first professional wrestling match in 1972. The main event featured “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair and Johnny Valentine versus “Number One” Paul Jones and “The Eighth Wonder of The World” Andre the Giant. To say that it made an impression on my impressionable young mind would be the most understated of understatements. I am now 50 years old, and even though I know that pro wrestling is about as real as a Paris Hilton orgasm, I still have no intention of giving it up.

Now, for two interests as diverse as ‘rasslin’ and fright flicks you would think that never the two shall meet. But I am here to tell you right now that is as far from the truth as a porn star saying they’ve never done anal. Just look at the cinematic fright world for the match-ups that have taken place over the years. There’s King Kong versus Godzilla, Frankenstein versus The Wolf Man, Aliens versus Predator and on and on and on. Let us not also forget that professional wrestling has had its share of monstrosities. There’s The Undertaker, Kane, Gangrel, “The Monster” Abyss, Vampiro and many, many more creatures of the squared circle. Wrestling and monsters have been strange bedfellows for a number of years.

This brings me to the main event of the evening, ladies and gentlemen. It’s the battle for the ages, the fight of the century between the creatures and the undead. I am talking about the brawl to end it all and the war that will settle the score; the WrestleMania from the crypt and the death match of death matches. “Monster Brawl” is the type of movie that answers the question that we have all wanted to ask and would have done just that if we had just smoked a little more pot; what would happen if the world’s most (in) famous monsters met in the middle of the ring to determine who is the best of the best among the denizens of the darkness? Frankenstein, Werewolf, Lady Vampire, Zombie Man, The Mummy, Swamp Gut, Cyclops and Witch Bitch pound it out in the middle of the ring in this extravaganza of the weird. Lending a hand to the festivities are none other than “Big Daddy Cool” Kevin Nash and the “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart. So, if you love wrestling and you love horror movies then you just cannot go wrong with “Monster Brawl.” However, if you’re looking for a movie full of metaphors, subtleties and Academy Award winning performances then I suggest you watch something else. But seriously, if you can’t enjoy a movie like this on the lowest of levels then you really need to get that stick out of your ass. Wooooo!!

P.S. There are actually three things I love in this world. The third and most important thing is my wife. I don’t sleep with monsters and I don’t sleep with pro wrestlers. I do sleep with my wife. So if I want that sleep to be a peaceful one I damn sure better give my baby her props. Hail to the queen of my world!!

NO TRIVIA

½

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WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

Jun 3

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WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN-United Kingdom/United States-2011

Tilda Swinton as Eva Khatchadourian

John C. Reilly as Franklin

Ezra Miller as Kevin

Directed by Lynne Ramsay

Screenplay by Lynne Ramsay and Rory Kinnear

Based on the novel by Lionel Shriver

I’m wiped out. At this moment in time I am running on complete auto-pilot. I just watched “We Need to Talk about Kevin”. As the film progressed I felt myself growing more and more depressed. I asked myself questions throughout the film. Are some people born angry and mean? Is there any way to turn them around before it’s too late? I thought of the Columbine school shootings and wonder what personal hell Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold‘s families must be going through. “We Need to Talk About Kevin” is also about a school shooting; it’s also about the life of the perpetrator from infant to 16 years old, the age at which he commits the crime. As a baby his crying is so loud and so constant that his mother Eva (Tilda Swinton-”Michael Clayton“) stands and listens to the sounds of jackhammers to drown out his screams. As time goes by and Kevin grows older his anger never wavers and it is all she can do to keep her sanity and give him the love she so desperately wants to give him. At every turn he cuts her off with cruel words and even crueler actions that point to an even bigger problem down the line. Another question I found myself asking was doesn’t it take two parents to raise and discipline a child? Kevin’s father Franklin (John C. Reilly-”Carnage”) is blissfully ignorant of his son’s anger and continually ignores his wife’s pleas by telling her that Kevin is ‘just a boy’ and ‘that’s what boys do’.

Tilda Swinton and John C. Reilly are both excellent in their roles as Kevin’s mother and father. Swinton carries the weight of her role on her shoulders and her sadness and desperation is evident in each and every scene. Reilly is just as good and although his role is smaller it’s no less demanding of his talents. However, the films standout performance comes from Ezra Miller as Kevin. Here is the type of role that can make or break an actor and Miller gives one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. Miller digs deep into the role. The last time I saw a performance this intense was from Charlize Theron in “Monster.”

The film plays out the before and after of Kevin’s crime at the same time so that we can judge for ourselves who is to blame for his actions. In the aftermath segments there are scenes where the parents of the children that Kevin murdered greet Eva with anger and cruelty. Does she deserve their hatred? That’s not for me to decide. All I will say is that some people are born into this world with anger and meanness in their hearts and there’s not a fucking thing you can do for them. “We Need to Talk About Kevin” is a shocking and depressing film about just such a person. Hmm, it makes it better when you talk about it.

TRIVIA

Shown with Assessment on its original UK release in selected cinemas.

The movie’s release in Norway was postponed following the terrorist attacks on July 22. Originally set to be released in autumn of 2011, the film entered the screens in the spring of 2012.

The initial scenes from La Tomatina, the tomato festival in Buñol near Valencia in Spain, is referenced later by a poster advertising for Buñol in the travel agency on the wall behind Eva.

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SCRE4M

May 29

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SCRE4M-United States-2011

Courteney Cox as Gail Weathers-Riley

Adam Brody as Deputy Hoss

Emma Roberts as Jill Roberts

Hayden Panettiere as Kirby Reed

Marley Shelton as Deputy Judy Hicks

Directed by Wes Craven

Written by Kevin Williamson

New Decade, new Rules, same old re-hashed, re-booted, regurgitated garbage. You know, I was all ready to actually like Scream 4. The beginning was promising with the whole movie within a movie before the actual movie even starts shtick. I really thought Scream 4 was going to go places that “Scream 2” and the abhorrent “Scream 3” had only had wet dreams of going. But alas, ‘twas to no avail as Wes Craven and writer Kevin Williamson rob our wallets with  yet another Sidney Prescott pity party slash (pun intended) psycho with a knife and a stupid mask mash-up. We all know that Sidney is going to return and the body count is going to begin anew. We all know that the killer will be someone we least expect, but suspected all along. We all know that the hot chicks with big tits and small brains are going to have their guts rearranged. Hey, here’s a newsflash, Wes; TELL US SOMETHING WE DON’T FUCKING KNOW!! Where is the Wes Craven who directed such horror masterpieces as “The Hills Have Eyes”, “The Last House on the Left” and “A Nightmare on Elm Street?” Where is the Wes Craven who wasn’t afraid of controversy and pushed the envelope as far as it could be pushed? I’m terribly fucking sorry, but that Wes Craven is dead. He was crushed beneath the weight of bad sequels. His epitaph reads, “Here lays a man who was once an individual who believed in the power of his craft. Now he is merely a franchise that believes in King Dollar.” May we all rest in peace.

TRIVIA

Ashley Greene was considered for the lead role, but ultimately, Emma Roberts was cast.

The film suffered two casting changes in quick succession as shooting had begun. Lake Bell had originally been cast as Judy Hicks but was forced to drop out (which she announced via her Twitter account on June 24th 2010) due to “scheduling conflicts.” She was replaced by Marley Shelton. Six days later, Lauren Graham, who was originally cast as Kate Roberts, dropped out also citing “scheduling conflicts” as well as “script changes.” She was replaced by Mary McDonnell.

Each of the new central characters is an archetype for one of the characters from the original: Jill (Sidney), Kirby (Tatum), Trevor (Billy), Charlie (Stu), and Robbie (Randy).

½

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THE INNKEEPERS

Apr 27

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THE INNKEEPERS-United States-2011

Sara Paxton as Claire

Pat Healy as Luke

Kelly McGillis as Leanne Rease-Jones

Written and Directed by Ti West

With a ghost story, it’s all about the pacing. You have to keep the audience at a near breaking point of suspense, or else you will lose them. The tension has to be stretched to that specific point where they want to turn their eyes away from the screen; yet at the same time there is nothing they want more than to see what happens next. The Innkeepers, the latest film from The House of the Devil director Ti West, builds up the suspense and the tension to the point of where you feel that your mind is twisted like rubber. You’re stretched so tightly that just one more thing will send you over the edge.

The Innkeepers is the story of two hotel clerks, Luke and Claire, and their last weekend at the Yankee Pedlar Inn. The inn is going out of business and with only a small handful of guests the two of them decide it would be a perfect time to find out if the inn is haunted. Did a woman named Madeline O’Malley hang herself at the Yankee Pedlar? Is her ghost doomed to remain there? Will Luke and Claire find the answers they’re looking for? What, are you waiting for me to answer the questions? I mean, seriously, I just review the films. If you want an entire plot synopsis then go to Wikipedia. Better yet, watch the movie.

All joking aside, The Innkeepers is a winner. Sara Paxton and Luke Healy are both very good in their titular roles and Kelly McGillis has a reserved and eerie charm as one the hotel’s final living guests. In my opinion, Ti West is a director to watch. The Innkeepers and the House of the Devil are excellent horror films; but I get the feeling there’s greatness right around the corner. He need only take his time. After all, it’s all about the pacing.

NO TRIVIA

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SCREAM OF THE BANSHEE

Apr 23

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SCREAM OF THE BANSHEE-United States-Made for TV-2011

Laura Holly as Professor Isla Whelan

Lance Henriksen as Broderick Duncan

Directed by Steven C. Miller

Written by Anthony C. Ferrante

Story by Anthony C. Ferrante and Jacob Hair

BAD MOVIE!! BAD MOVIE!! Sorry, I had to smack this one on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. The damn thing pissed all over my carpet. I guess that’s what I get when I watch a movie with the SyFy label on it. Fucking trickster; it had the After Dark label on it, too. That’s what made me give it a chance. It’s like George Bush said: After Dark kind of good, SyFy very bad.

A bunch of Irish Knights from the 12th century trap a banshee and a group of dumbass archaeological students and their professor let it loose in this piece of shit movie. After they let it loose they have to figure out how to trap it. That’s the whole damn plot of this movie. This thing is so bad my mind began to wander all over the place. Scream of the Banshee is directed by Steven C. Miller so I thought Steve Miller and was hoping they would play ‘Jet Airliner’ or maybe ‘The Joker’ in the movie. I see Lauren Holly and start thinking about the very first time I saw her on Picket Fences. She was wearing a black bikini and bringing chocolate cake in a dream to the sheriff’s son. That memory caused an odd side effect that I will not go into further detail about. Oh, look, Lance Henriksen is in this movie. The DVD box says “Lauren Holly and Lance Henriksen”; so you would think he would be in the damn movie for more than five minutes.

The banshee looks like the Wicked Witch of the West after somebody dropped a giant box of oatmeal on her head. Yes folks, it is official; this movie sucks worse than a Kardashian on date night. Who said that? I said that!

NO TRIVIA

½

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