Category Archives: Films Released in 2011
RED RIDING HOOD-United States/Canada-2011
Directed by Catherine Hardwicke
Written by David Johnson
My coverage of werewolf films continues with Red Riding Hood, the latest ‘effort’ from Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke. Now, I don’t want to start a war with Team Edward or Team Jacob, but I’ve never seen Twilight and I really don’t want to. The whole idea of vampires that sparkle and play softball just goes against my beliefs as a horror fan.
Then there’s Red Riding Hood. This film goes to show that having a weakness for werewolf films can sometimes be a bad thing. The whole thing feels like a bad music video from the 1980′s. I kept expecting Men Without Hats to come prancing across the screen to sing ‘Safety Dance”. Also, for a village that’s living on hard times at the edge of forest, most everyone there has beautifully coiffed and styled hair and clothes. My guess is that their stylist is the same one that did Pa Ingalls hair all those years ago on “Little House on the Prairie”.
The story line revolves around Valerie (Amanda Seyfried, Gone). Valerie loves Peter (Shiloh Fernandez, Deadgirl), but her family has already picked out Henry (Max Irons, Dorian Gray) as the man to marry her. There’s Gary Oldman as scenery chewing priest who’s come to hunt the beast and Lukas Haas as a scenery chewing priest who can’t stop kissing Gary Oldman’s ass. Oh, yeah, there’s a werewolf, too. Trust me; I just saved you from ninety minutes of torture with that synopsis. Although I am sure that I will hear some negative feedback for it.
It is my humble opinion that if Catherine Hardwicke makes another movie like this that we will be able to brand her as the Antichrist of horror. For a great werewolf film see The Howling, An American Werewolf in London, Ginger Snaps or Dog Soldiers. Red Riding Hood is the dump that the beast took in the forest.
- Director Catherine Hardwicke Talks Red Riding Hood, the Twilight Casting Connection, and More! (popsugar.com)
- Video: Amanda Seyfried Talks “Stunning” Twilight and “Sexy” Red Riding Hood (popsugar.com)
- How Tall is Amanda Seyfried Height and Weight (celebrityheightandweight.com)
- Shiloh Fernandez and Max Irons on Their Red Riding Hood Rivalry and Chemistry With Amanda Seyfried (popsugar.com)
- SCREAM QUEEN of the Month-March 2012-Emma Stone and Amanda Seyfried (jmountswritteninblood.com)
- Red Riding Hood: ‘Twilight’ version of a classic fairy tale (thehollywood411.wordpress.com)
- Amanda Seyfried and Taylor Swift Rumored for Les Miserables (screencrave.com)
- Amanda Seyfried Has a New Guy – Josh Hartnett! (celebs.gather.com)
- Amanda Seyfried to Play Cosette in LES MISERABLES (geektyrant.com)
- Trailer Tracker: Amanda Seyfried goes the full Neeson in Gone (arts.nationalpost.com)
- “Amanda Seyfried and Catherine Hardwicke Talk Fairy Tales and Twilight at the Red Riding Hood Premiere” and related posts (popsugar.com)
- A gorgeous retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, using silhouettes and plenty of horror [Video] (io9.com)
- Mirror Mirror – review (guardian.co.uk)
- Evan Rachel Wood to Reunite with THIRTEEN Director Catherine Hardwicke for Erotic L.A. Thriller PLUSH (collider.com)
- Fairy Tales Return to Their Horror Roots (thinkprogress.org)
- 5 Stars Do Their Best Red Riding Hood Impersonations (bellasugar.com)
- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (benpeek.livejournal.com)
- Fairy Tales and Miscellaneous (behance.net)
- Amanda Seyfried Tends to Her Boys Ahead of Red Riding Hood’s Opening Weekend (popsugar.com)
- ‘Twilight’ Scripts ‘Sucked’ At First, Director Reveals (mtv.com)
- The Red Riding Hood: Amanda Seyfried (amog.com)
Directed by Antonio Negret
Written by George Richards
I’ve known at least two sets of identical twins in my lifetime. One set were brothers, the other sisters. The brothers lived in my neighborhood, the sisters were two girls I knew in school. To be quite honest with you, even though I don’t creep out very easily, there was always something about them that I found somewhat…eerie. With the two sisters especially I always got the impression that one knew what the other was thinking and vice versa. As I got older I even began to suspect that one sister knew when the other was having an orgasm, but you could probably chalk that up to the perverted mind of a teenage boy.
Edmund and Gary Entin play identical twins with the power of telekinesis. These two bring a whole new meaning to the expression ‘creepy little bastards.’ To even wonder whether they use these powers for good is a complete waste of thought. They videotape their crimes and re-watch to see if they feel anything at the moment of their victims deaths. I wondered throughout the entire movie just what it was that they wanted to feel. Was it remorse? Was it pain? Personally for these two telekinetic terrors satisfaction for a job well done would be the acceptable emotion.
Orlando Jones is Detective Lampkin. Detective Lampkin is trying to get to the bottom of the deaths; all the while struggling with his own tragic past and attempting to figure out where the twins play a part in the whole thing. I mostly remember Jones from comedic roles such as Bedazzled and Evolution. It took me a while to warm up to his character here, but in the end I felt that it was a part that fit him well.
Seconds Apart is a good horror movie. There’s enough gore to satisfy the gore-hounds, enough suspense for the easily frightened and enough black humor for the rest of us. The biggest crime the film commits is that it doesn’t try for greatness. It’s too bad, they were so very close.
- Identical Twins Get Identical Plastic Surgery (bellasugar.com)
- Things Kids Say: Twins and trauma (marksloanmd.wordpress.com)
- I spent 55 years searching for my twin sister.. and found her living round the corner! (mirror.co.uk)
- The Miller Sisters, 73-Year-Old Identical Twin Recluses, Die At Virtually the Same Time [Mysteries] (jezebel.com)
- Colorado Shooting Range Tragedy: Twins’ Identities Still Elusive (danielrrosen.com)
- Identical twins are uniquely different (nation.com.pk)
It’s the final night at the last drive-in in America and Cecil B. Kaufman has got it all figured out. This is going to be a night to remember as he features not one, not two, not three but four lost films. Grab your popcorn, hold on to your Pepsi’s. It’s showtime!
Adam Rifkin as Miles Munson
Sarah Mutch as Louise
Owen Benjamin as Larry
Ray Wise as Dr. Weems
Written and Directed by Adam Rifkin
Adam Rifkin stars as Miles Munson, a man with a way less than regular sperm count. A normal man’s sperm can be counted in the millions; Miles’ sperm can be counted in the one. But after he begins taking an experimental drug prescribed to him by Dr. Weems, oh what a sperm it is! It grows to gargantuan proportions and seeks out the only ovum big enough for its massive load-the Statue of Liberty! Will Wadzilla prevail, or will the military, led by General Bukkake, arrive in time to save the day?
I swear to God I am not making this shit up, folks. I can assure you that you have not seen anything until you’ve seen the Statue of Liberty strip down to pasties and a g-string and rub her torch between her breasts. Wadzilla is every bit as ridiculous as it sounds and is a fun way to get things started.
Adam Rifkin did all of his own stunts in the “Wadzilla” segment.
The background plates of New York City for the segment “Wadzilla” were taken at the Universal Studios back lot in California.
I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR
Written and Directed by Tim Sullivan
Starring Sean Paul Lockhart as Ricky
Anton Troy as Talon
Gabrielle West as Peggy Lou
Lin Shaye as Nurse Maleva
Even a boy who thinks he’s straight/yet shaves his balls by night/may become a werebear when the hormones rage/and the latent urge takes flight-Nurse Maleva
Sean Paul Lockhart has been called ‘the Traci Lords of gay porn’. It’s right there on the Internet Movie Database, look it up. In “I Was a Teenage Werebear”, Lockhart plays Ricky; a young man with the ‘urge to purge’ and with feelings he just can’t get a handle on. But after he meets Talon he becomes that which he fears he is the most-a teenage werebear!!
Okay, so I know there’s a message here about showing tolerance and respect to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. But couldn’t they have been a little more subtle? To put it mildly, “I Was a Teenage Werebear” is about as subtle as Jason Voorhees at a ballet recital. There are so many gay dick references in this film I had to make sure somebody didn’t switch DVD’s on me. If you weren’t aware that director Tim Sullivan is openly gay before watching this then you will be afterward. After the strong opening of “Wadzilla”, Chillerama took a downward spiral with this one.
Filming for the Segment ‘I Was a Teenage Werebear’ was almost shut down due to the location sheriff not approving to the content of the script.
Thomas Dekker was considered for the part of Ricky for the “I Was a Teenage Werebear” segment.
Tim Sullivan replaced another actor at the last minute for the segment “I Was a Teenage Werebear.”
Kristina Klebe as Eva Braun
Kane Hodder as Meshugannah
Written and Directed by Adam Green
Did you know that Anne Frank was once Anne Frankenstein? Did you know that the family name was shortened to separate them from the atrocities created by her ancestor, Victor? Well, if you didn’t you sure as hell do now. Joel David Moore is the Führer who creates an all too Jewish monster to help him win the war. Kane Hodder plays the monster Meshugannah, who can kill Nazis, put together jigsaw puzzles of puppies and get you back $200 extra on your income taxes. I don’t know whether this is a ‘so bad it’s bad’ movie or a ‘so bad it’s really bad’ movie. What I do know is that it’s quite possibly the strangest role Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees, Victor Crowley) has ever played.
Hitler to soldier-”Here. Write depressing stuff in this as if the little girl wrote it. We’ll sell it after the war and make millions.”
Kristina Klebe and her mother translated the script for “The Diary of Anne Frankenstein” segment into German for all the German-speaking cast members.
Joel David Moore learned some German for his role as Adolf Hitler. However, a majority of the lines Hitler says in the film are not German.
The blood in the segment “The Diary of Ann Frankenstein” was really chocolate syrup.
Corey Jones as Toby
Kaili Thorne as Mayna
Brendan McCreary as Ryan
Miles Dougal as Floyd
Richard Riehle as Cecil Kaufman
Written and Directed by Joe Lynch
The last film in the series was intended to be “Deathication”. However, while that horror movie is playing, a real horror movie breaks out at the drive-in. One of the employees is turned into a zombie after having his balls bitten off by his dead wife. He relieves himself by using popcorn butter as lubrication. This in turn causes the blue junk seeping from his groin to drop into said butter and is thus distributed to the hundreds of patrons. After that you have a small zombie apocalypse. But these zombies don’t want to eat you, they want to have sex with you. I swear to God I am not making this shit up. Is it tasteless? Yes. Is it offensive? Probably. Is it good? Oh, hell no.
The Kaufman drive-in theater is named after Lloyd Kaufman.
The drive-in theater location was an actual working drive-in.
What starts off as a strong contender in the B-movie genre drops off into oblivion with it’s second (“I Was a Teenage Werebear”) and fourth (“Zom-B-Movie”) installments. I think the problem was not in the subject matter, but in the fact that it seems as if the filmmakers go out of their way to offend.
Note: I apologize for there not being any cast photos.
- AICN World Exclusive: CHILLERAMA music video premiere and a very special Werebear surprise!! (aintitcool.com)
- Zachary Levi pilot ‘Let It Go’ adds ‘Avatar’ star Joel David Moore (digitalspy.co.uk)
- Purge This Urge: ‘Chillerama’ (Review) (popmatters.com)
- Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Madness [40 PHOTOS] (coedmagazine.com)
X-MEN:FIRST CLASS-United States-2011
Directed by Matthew Vaughn
Screenplay by Ashley Edward Miller, Zack Stentz, Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn
Story by Sheldon Turner and Bryan Singer
Thank God for Michael Fassbender! Okay, I know this film is about the X-men as a team. I know that it stars James McAvoy as Charles Xavier before he became a poster child for the handi-capable. I know that it stars a post-Winter’s Bone and a pre-The Hunger Games Jennifer Lawrence as the even hot when she’s blue Mystique. I know it stars the brilliant and underrated Kevin Bacon as the villain Sebastian Shaw. I know that it introduces the world to Banshee, Havok and all the other beloved X-men. I know all that and then some.
So why do I say thank God for Michael Fassbender? I say it because finally someone has the balls to step up and give us an absolutely no holds barred definitive version of the greatest villain that Marvel Comics has ever unleashed on this world. I’m talking about the man, the myth, the Master of Magnetism himself-Magneto. Fassbender does for Magneto what Ian McKellen was never able to accomplish. He shows us the man behind the name; he shows us the weaknesses and takes us on the journey that Erik Lehnsherr would take on his way to become the Malcolm X to Charles Xavier’s Martin Luther King. Fassbender’s Erik/Magneto rules with an iron fist and he is just getting started. This is no miniscule movie review, you mere mortals. This is the paving of the way for Mr. Fassbender and his magnificent performance.
So, now that I’ve lain that little bit of hyperbole on you, I’m going to close out with a little bit more. X-men: First Class is everything a superhero movie should be. It’s exciting, over the top, a little corny and last but not least it is one hell of a ride. X-men: First Class is the best superhero team movie ever made. Until May 4, 2012 and the release of The Avengers I will stand by that statement with every fiber of my being. After that day, we shall see.
Amber Heard was rumored to play Mystique before Jennifer Lawrence was cast.
The uniforms the X-Men wear are colored blue and yellow, in homage to the original blue/yellow suits the X-Men wore in the comics from 1963 (their debut) until (original artist and co-creator) Jack Kirby’s departure from the book. After several costume changes throughout the years, the costumes used in X-Men inspired new black leather uniforms seen in the Grant Morrison written 2001 New X-Men comic).
Director Matthew Vaughn cited the first two X-Films, Star Trek and the 1960s Bond films as major influences on this film.
Both Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy appeared in Band of Brothers at the start of their careers. This marks their first appearance together since then.
- Movie Review: X-Men:First Class (alexandruzai.wordpress.com)
- Jennifer Lawrence Shoots and Scores With Boyfriend Nicholas Hoult (popsugar.com)
- What’s Next For Rose Byrne’s Moira MacTaggert? (splashpage.mtv.com)
- Jennifer Lawrence Is Ready For ‘X-Men’ Sequel (splashpage.mtv.com)
- James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender Hug It Out Alongside January and Zoe (popsugar.com)
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER-United States-2011
But enough about the others, I’m here to tell you what I think about Captain America. I can sum it up in one word. Eh. There are some moments in the film that should have been amazing to watch, but they were just…there. I believe that Chris Evans was a good physical fit as the good Captain, but I really didn’t find his screen presence to be all that great. To be honest, I had more fun watching Hugo Weaving chew the scenery as Johann Schmidt/The Red Skull than I did Evans as Steve Rogers/Captain America. But, I digress. I don’t lay the blame squarely on Evan’s shoulders. I lay the blame solely on one person and that person is director Joe Johnston. Up to and including Captain America, I have yet to see a motion picture from Johnston that wasn’t half-ass. Jumanji-boring. Jurassic Park III-worst of the series. The Wolfman-not bad, not good, just there.
That’s the way I feel about Captain America: The First Avenger. It’s just there, that’s all.
Jon Favreau was originally chosen by Marvel Studios to direct this film (which he intended to make as a buddy comedy), but he chose to direct Iron Man. Nick Cassavetes, was also considered to direct this film, and had been set as a director forIron Man in December 2004.
Louis Leterrier viewed some of the concept art for the film, and was impressed enough to offer his services, but Marvel Studios turned him down. However, his film The Incredible Hulk features a small appearance by Captain America: a deleted scene set in the Arctic features his body hidden in a slab of ice.
Hugo Weaving based the Red Skull’s accent on renowned German filmmakers Werner Herzog and Klaus Maria Brandauer.
- No ‘Avengers’ For ‘Captain America’ Actress (splashpage.mtv.com)
- ‘Captain America’ Co-Creator Joe Simon Dies (splashpage.mtv.com)
- “The Avengers” told from the perspective of Captain America, Joss Whedon says (inquisitr.com)
This is something I don’t usually do; but it has been brought to my attention that I may have been a bit harsh in my critcism of Chris Evans in his role as Captain America. I admit that my review was based on having the film upon it’s release and was therefore based in turn on memory. I re-watched the film last night and I am not afraid to admit that I was wrong. Evans does a highly credible job in the role and should be commended. I still stand by my criticism of director Joe Johnston. My rating for the film now moves up from a 2 blood drop rating to 3.
Directed by Lucky McKee
Written by Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum
Based on the novel “The Woman” by Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum
The Woman is a film about the thin line between the civilized and the uncivilized; between the decent and the depraved. There is a statement on the DVD box indicating that it was an official selection of the 2011 Sundance Film Festival. I get a strong feeling that the audience attending its premiere were wondering about the truck that hit them. The Woman will shock you, it will even disgust you; but it will not leave you. It’s been a few hours since I watched the film and I still can’t get it out of my head. I don’t think I ever will.
I’ve been watching movies for as far back as I can I remember and I am of the opinion that there has never been a character that I have hated more than that of Chris Cleek. It’s not because of bad acting. Sean Bridges brings an Oscar worthy performance to the role of Cleek. It’s not because of bad writing, either. The film is co-written by two of the most ingenious and twisted minds working in the horror genre today, author Jack Ketchum (Off Season, Offspring, The Girl Next Door) and director Lucky McKee (May, The Woods, Red). No, my hatred for Chris Cleek is because of the person that he is. To Cleek, women are slaves to fetch his coffee, an occasional place to put his penis and they are always there to slap around when they get out of line.
Cleek is a man so low that he would molest his teenage daughter. This is something that’s never mentioned in the film, but it doesn’t have to be. The knowledge of it festers throughout the course of this movie like a pus-filled wound ready to burst. Cleek’s wife, played beautifully by McKee mainstay Angela Bettis, is but a punching bag to him; he says jump, she doesn’t ask ‘how high’, she just does. His son, Brian, at 14 already displays the sociopathic, misogynistic tendencies of his father. When a girl bests him in a free throw contest, he congratulates her to her face, but then sticks gum in her hairbrush and plays the hero by helping her when she gets it stuck in her hair. Like Chris Cleek, he sees women as objects; but not only for his sexual satisfaction. They are for hurting, for torture. Just ask the one shackled in their storm cellar. That’s what this movie is all about; the woman.
The book ‘The Woman’ will be released to coincide with the film.
Chris Cleek repeatedly uses the word “anophthalmia” in reference to one of his daughters. Unilateral anophthalmia is the congenital absence of one eye, and bilateral anophthalmia is the congenital absence of both eyes.
- The Woman Movie Review (screenhead.com)
- AICN HORROR: Ambush Bug talks with Lucky McKee about music, Angela Bettis, the Sundance controversy, and of course, THE WOMAN!!! (aintitcool.com)
- Film: Interview: Lucky McKee (avclub.com)
- Exclusive Interview: Lucky McKee Talks The Woman (dreadcentral.com)
- Exclusive Interview and New Clip: The Woman Speaks! Dread Central Chats with Actress Pollyanna McIntosh (dreadcentral.com)
- Doctor Gash’s Tip of the Scalpel: A Tribute to Angela Bettis (dreadcentral.com)
FINAL DESTINATION 5-United States-2011
Directed by Steven Quale
Screenplay by Eric Heisserer and Jeffrey Reddick
Hmm, let’s see. First it was a plane crash, then an interstate smash-up, then a roller coaster derailment, then a disastrous day at the races. So, how many more ways can the producers and creators of the Final Destination franchise possibly find to kill a whole bunch of people? Oh, right! What was I thinking? A bridge collapse! That’ll show them!
So, now we come to Final Destination 5; and once again we have a disposable cast escaping one catastrophe merely to have their lives cut short in various grotesque and gruesome ways. I have to admit something, though; as tired as the franchise is becoming (the third film should have been the last), I find myself liking the series despite the fact that it’s worn out its welcome. In a way it reminds me of the Friday the 13th franchise in that although we grew tired of there being so many of them we kept coming back for the kills. Final Destination 5 has some pretty cool death scenes, but it still doesn’t top the ones in Final Destination 2. That one had a kid being crushed by a pane of a glass, a barb-wire slice and dice and an elevator decapitation. FD5 has death by parallel bars, acupuncture disaster and a Donnie Darkoesque death by airplane engine.
The cast, although expendable, does a decent job with what they’re given and they rise to the task of dying. Emma Bell would have to be the standout performer in this one as she is probably the one most recognizable to genre fans from her work in Frozen and The Walking Dead. David Koechner comes to the series from the comedic genre after appearances in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Paul and a stint on Saturday Night Live and The Office.
I’ll say the same thing about this film and the series in general that I said about Sucker Punch. If you watch FD5 expecting Oscar caliber performances and emotionally wrought drama then you’re humping the wrong leg. The series is meant to be mindless entertainment in which one film is completely interchangeable with the other. Enjoy it for what it is, folks. I sure as hell do.
- Final Destination 5 (2011) (moviestudio.wordpress.com)
- Let Death Take Your Holiday – Win a Copy of Final Destination 5 on Blu-ray (dreadcentral.com)
- The Reaper Mythology (geneticwriters.wordpress.com)
SUCKER PUNCH-United States-2011
I know I know Sucker Punch is not a horror movie. But you ought to know by now that I don’t always review horror movies. I wanted to review this movie because I personally feel that it’s been unfairly maligned by the critics and by the general public. My question is what did you expect from this film? If you expected an Oscar-caliber movie with meaningful, emotionally wrenched performances and a moral that will all make us sleep better at night then you’re humping the wrong leg. This film is an experiment in over the top excess, scantily clad girls with sexy weapons and amazing special effects and that is all that it is intended to be. It’s bawdy, bold, bitching and ballsy. It’s the Wizard of Oz if Dorothy wore short dresses, sexy black stockings and were packing an Uzi and channeling Peter Finch from Network. Emily Browning is Babydoll, an all too lovely young girl wrongfully interred by her stepfather to a home for the mentally disturbed. To escape her fate she retreats into a fantasy world of Nazi zombies, giant samurai and big flaming dragons. It is a world where she must recover five objects that will help her to escape her real world incarceration. She is assisted in her quest by four equally all too lovely lasses; Rocket, Sweet Pea, Amber, Blondie, and a Wise Man, played by Scott Glenn; whose character has taken a page from Sun Tzu and from Kwai Chang Caine. He has all the answers and a wise quote for every occasion. Does she escape? Is there a happy ending? Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. All I know is that I went to see this film with no expectations and came away a happy camper. If you watch this film expecting a substance filled plot and every frame wrought with meaning then you’re going about it all wrong. The best way to watch this film is with your eyes wide open and your assumptions thrown out the door on its ass. This is a movie about babes in sexy outfits moving in slow motion and firing big effin’ guns and that’s all there is to it. In other words it’s a whole lot of freaking fun.
There are two things I remember about the 1971 film Escape from the Planet of the Apes. The first thing is an argument I had with my mother about my appointed bedtime and the fact that the film overlapped it by thirty minutes. To make a long story short, I lost. The second thing is the story that the chimpanzee, Cornelius, recounts to Armando, his human ‘handler’. The story is about how the first word ever spoken by an ape was the word ‘no’. At that moment I never would have imagined that someone would take that story and build an entire movie around it; but that is exactly what the creators of Rise of the Planet of the Apes has done. They have taken that one seed and they have nurtured it and have given us a film that serves not only as a prequel to the original Planet of the Apes series, but also as a new beginning for an entirely new franchise. My personal opinion as to how the saga should be handled from here on would be that the creators take their time. Don’t jump from Rise of the Planet of the Apes straight into Planet of the Apes. There should be at 2 films in between that detail the further rise of Caesar the chimpanzee and his simian revolution. Let’s face it; Bruce Wayne didn’t become Batman immediately after the death of his parents and Kal-el didn’t crash land in a cornfield, slap on a cape and start flying around with his tiny little super-pee-pee flapping in the breeze. In regards to the POTA franchise I would like to quote the talented singer-songwriter Steve Earle. He said “the revolution starts now”. Indeed it does; just don’t let it end after one film.
- ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ Screenwriters Talk About Speech in the Sequel (slashfilm.com)
- My Best of 2011: Rise of the Planet of the Apes & Hailing Caesar… (them0vieblog.com)
- Will the Apes Speak in RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES Sequel? (collider.com)