Category Archives: Snake Films
SNAKES ON A PLANE
SNAKES ON A PLANE-Germany/United States/Canada-2006
Julianna Margulies as Claire Miller
Nathan Phillips as Sean Jones
Bobby Cannavale as Hank Harris
Flex Alexander (R) as Three G’s
Todd Louiso (R) as Dr. Steven Price
Sunny Mabrey as Tiffany
Kenan Thompson as Troy
Elsa Pataky as Maria
David Koechner (L) as Rick
Directed by David R. Ellis
Story by David Dalessandro and John Heffernan
Screenplay by John Heffernan and Sebastian Gutierrez
Considering the past couple of days that I have experienced at my job, I needed a completely bullshit movie like “Snakes on a Plane” to get my mind off of things. When I say bullshit movie I mean it with the highest level of respect. In fact, I think SOAP may indeed be the crown prince of the bullshit movies and director David R. Ellis (“Shark Night 3-D”, “Final Destination 2“) its anointed king.
Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips, “Wolf Creek”) witnesses mobster Eddie Kim beating a federal prosecutor to death with a baseball bat. It’s up to FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson, “The Avengers”, “Pulp Fiction”) to keep Jones alive long enough to fly from Hawaii to L.A. to testify and put Kim away for life. Flynn and his partner commandeer first class on board a Boeing 747-400 to the chagrin of the rest of the passengers who now have to fly coach. Pissed-off pampered passengers are the least of Flynn’s worries; Eddie Kim has managed to have hundreds of venomous snakes of all species and sizes placed in the cargo hold of the plane. Not only that, but one of Kim’s flunkies has sprayed the complimentary leis with a pheromone to make the snakes think they’re going to get laid by some sexy female snake; therefore making them more aggressive in their attacks. Pretty soon you not only have snakes on a plane; but snakes on a tit, snakes on a penis, and snakes on God only knows what else. A more appropriate title for this movie would have been “Horny Snakes on a Plane”. If they ever make a porno parody I suggest they use that title. With the help of flight attendant Claire Miller (Julianna Margulies, “ER”, “The Good Wife”) in the air, and ophiologist Dr. Steven Price (Todd Louiso, “Jerry Maguire“) on the ground, can Flynn get rid of all those motherf*ckin’ snakes on this motherf*cking plane once and for all and get his witness to L.A. in one piece?
“Snakes on a Plane” is not going to win any major awards for its gripping storytelling and compelling portrayals. It’s a movie with one purpose, to take us away from reality for almost two hours and it performs that purpose very well. Every character in the movie is of the cookie cutter variety; you know who’s going to be bitten, constricted or swallowed whole on the basis of their personalities; i.e. the rude businessman or the couple joining the Mile High Club in the lavatory; one of whom is played by future John Carter, Taylor Kitsch. I didn’t care one way or the other who lived or died. “Snakes on a Plane” took my mind off my own problems and that is exactly what the doctor ordered.
TRIVIA
Contrary to popular belief, Samuel L. Jackson’s agent insisted that the title be changed, because Jackson “couldn’t” work on a film with such a title. When Jackson heard about all of this he responded with the much cited comment, “We’re totally changing that back. That’s the only reason I took the job: I read the title.”
450 snakes were used including one 22-foot-long Burmese python.
The filmmakers named the large Burmese python “Kitty”.
The phrase “snakes in the cockpit”, which is said in the film, is used by pilots in reference to the high number of complex tasks they have to accomplish.
The snakes in this film would be more likely to attack each other then humans. Would not deliver a fatal dose of venom and most likely would give a dry bite if they did bite instead of just hide.
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- Man tries to take 27 snakes on plane at Orlando International Airport (clickondetroit.com)
- Commentary: Snakes on a Plane (ch2289.wordpress.com)
- The Frogmen’s Stupid News: Snakes On A Plane And A Hairy Chest Contest (kfrog.cbslocal.com)
- Experiential Marketing – The Best Way to Promote Movies? (digitalsurgeons.com)
- Feds bust Brazilian man who apparently thought Snakes on a Plane was a reality show [Fail] (fark.com)
- Man tried to take 27 snakes on plane in Orlando (tbo.com)
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STANLEY
STANLEY-United States-1972
Chris Robinson as Tim Ochopee
Alex Rocco as Thomkins
Directed by William Grefe
Written by William Grefe and Gary Crutcher
Story by William Grefe
Stanley is about as bad a movie as you are ever likely to see in this lifetime. The acting is on the level of toddlers playing make believe in a sandbox, the direction is non-existent, there is absolutely no suspense and the whole thing is just downright ridiculous to the point of being painful to watch. So would someone please tell me just why I ended up liking this piece of shit when it was all said and done?
Thinking about it, I think the reason is because Stanley reminds me of my childhood. It’s hard to believe, but I remember vividly the commercials that used to play that would advertise the movie. Stanley is a reminder of a happier time in my life. A time where I was happy being a kid with no worries about the future and no regrets about the past. I was 10 years old in 1972 and I didn’t know the first thing about life being about ‘bitches’ or money (Ice Cube reference; never did one, threw it in there). Life to me was about bicycles and being with my friends and playing until it got dark and my mom would yell at me to bring my butt in the house.
Okay, so I got off the subject a bit. What’s Stanley about? Well, Stanley is about a disgruntled war veteran and Seminole Indian who uses snakes to get even with the people who have wronged him. That’s the plot. The film stars Chris Robinson as Tim, the pissed off Indian and vet; and Alex Rocco as Thomkins, his sworn enemy. It’s funny, but this was only Rocco’s second film after playing Moe Greene in The Godfather. So that means that I found myself doing a lot of ad-libbing when he was on camera with the snakes. “This snake wants to bite me? No, I bite this snake. This snake doesn’t bite me.” What can I say? I’m weird. Deal with it, my wife does.
Anyway, Stanley is a nostalgic piece of shit that I loved in spite of myself.
TRIVIA
Snake wrangler Frank Weed can be seen in the film as the man milking the rattlesnake.
On the first day of filming, the filmmakers discovered that the cabin intended for use as an exterior had been knocked down. Everybody pitched in to help rebuild the cabin in a hurry.
Screenwriter Gary Crutcher basically had one weekend to finish the script, as it was needed by the following Tuesday.
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- Al Mohler, Homosexuality, and the “New Liberalism” by Peter Lumpkins (peterlumpkins.typepad.com)
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- Justin Timberlake to Design Homes (inquisitr.com)
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- Stanley Cup Odds 2012: Breaking Down Each Remaining Playoff Teams Chances (bleacherreport.com)
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