Category Archives: Sequels
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE)
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE)-United States-2011
Written and directed by Tom Six
The Plot (Taken from IMDb.com): Inspired by the fictional Dr. Heiter, disturbed loner Martin dreams of creating a 12-person centipede and sets out to realize his sick fantasy.
The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) is a vile, depraved and disgusting film that deserves no recognition and no place in cinema. Writer/director Tom Six can kiss my ass. On second thought, no he cannot kiss my ass; I don’t want to give him any ideas for future movies. I refuse to waste any more words on this garbage.
TRIVIA
On June 6, 2011, the BBFC (UK certification board) refused to grant this film a certificate, effectively banning the movie from being shown in cinemas or DVD in the UK. However, on October 6, 2011, the BBFC granted the film an 18 certificate after 32 cuts totaling 2 minutes and 37 seconds were made.
When Laurence R. Harvey auditioned, Tom Six asked him to “rape” a chair, which he did.
Miss Yennie tells Martin she can’t believe she’s auditioning for a Quentin Tarantino movie. Tarantino shot portions of Kill Bill: Vol. 1 in black and white to appease gore-sensitive censors; it’s rumored that Tom Six filmed The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) in black and white for the same reason.
0 BLOOD DROPS
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THE FINAL DESTINATION
THE FINAL DESTINATION-United States-2009
Directed by David R. Ellis
Written by Eric Bress
Based on characters created by Jeffrey Reddick
I can’t sleep in a moving car. If I close my eyes I start to imagine everything from 18 wheelers to locomotives bearing down on the vehicle and sending the driver and I mangled and dismembered to the pearly gates. It’s weird, I know; but it happens. It also serves as a good segue into the movie I’m reviewing today; The Final Destination. This is the fourth film in the series and while it is about the final destination, it is not the Final Destination as there has been one more in the series since then. For those of you keeping score the tally so far has been a big fucking plane crash, a big fucking multi-vehicle interstate pileup and in Final Destination 3 we had a big fucking rollercoaster accident. For The Final Destination the accident du jour is a bad fucking day at the stock car races. We’re talking tires decapitating, metal bisecting, rods impaling, dogs and cats living together mass hysteria. This is of course followed by the seven or so people who were supposed to die meeting horrible ends that are all gross and bloody.
Can you tell that I am running out of things to say about this series of movies? Don’t misunderstand me; the Final Destination movies are a guilty pleasure for me. I love watching these movies and seeing the accidents play out. But there is only so much you can say about the damn things. The Final Destination has to be my least favorite of the series. While the beginning accident was pretty cool, the rest of the deaths were just kind of ‘okay’. Face it; people who watch these movies watch them to see what horrible deaths the writers can come up with for the hapless victims. I say that the best so far have been ‘giant pane of glass becomes giant pain in the ass’ in Final Destination 2 and ‘twin tanning bed barbecue’ in Final Destination 3.
So, this brings to a close my reviews for the Final Destination series. That is until they decide to make a number 6 and I find myself racking my brain for something to say. The bad part is that I’m actually looking forward to it.
TRIVIA
The race track is called “McKinley Speedway” which was the name of the Town, High School and character Ian McKinley (Kris Lemche) in Final Destination 3.
The film’s opening titles recreates death scenes from all three of the previous Final Destination films.
When Nick is driving he pulls up to a sign that causes him to have a premonition, the sign is clearly marked Clear Rivers Water. Clear Rivers was a central character in both Final Destination and Final Destination 2.
The Final Destination series began when Flight 180 crashed in Final Destination. At the race track, the victims are seated in area 180 (as shown on a sign behind them) and the video camera footage briefly shows the number on the screen and a bus in the final scene is clearly marked on the roof as number 180.
The first film in the series where the music was not composed by Shirley Walker, as she passed away in 2006.
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WRONG TURN 5:BLOODLINES
WRONG TURN 5: BLOODLINES-United States-2012

Doug Bradley as Maynard
Written and Directed by Declan O’Brien
Based on characters created by Alan B. McElroy
5?
Yes, 5.
5?!?
Did I stutter? Yes, I said 5. There have been 5 Wrong Turn movies? Okay, look, I am as surprised by this as you are and I’m the one that has to come up with something new to say about the fifth movie, Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines. So I need you to sit there like a happy idiot while I think. Okay?
Well, okay.
What are you going to say?
I’m going to talk about how this movie seems to take place just after the events of Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings. So, chronologically speaking it takes place long before the events of the first Wrong Turn. One Eye, Three Finger and Saw Tooth are no longer hiding out in the abandoned Glensville Sanatorium and have now taken on a mentor of sorts in Maynard, played by Doug Bradley.
Ooh ooh, I know him! He played Pinhead in the Hellraiser movies.
Very good, little retarded child! He even makes a reference to Pinhead in this movie.
I’m here all week. So, what happens next?
Well, it seems that every year this town in West Virginia holds the Mountain Man Music Festival. Everybody comes there to dress up like hillbillies, get drunk and listen to live music. These five kids; Billy, played by Simon Ginty; Cruz, Amy Lennox from Never Let Me Go; Gus, Paul Leubke; Lita, Roxanne McKee of A Game of Thrones and finally Julian, played by Oliver Hoare; they all come to Mountain Man to party and do drugs and all that kind of shit.
So you might as well write ‘Kill Me and Eat Me‘ across their foreheads.
You are catching on. These kids run into Maynard; who then attacks them and in turn they attack him and they all end up in jail after being arrested by the fetchingly arresting Sheriff Angela as portrayed by Camilla Arfwedson who had a part in The Duchess. At the jail Maynard starts making threats and saying that his ‘boys’ are coming to get him out and that the sheriff and the rest are not going to live to see the light of day blah blah blah. Pretty soon One Eye, Three Finger and Saw Tooth stab, electrocute, tenderize with sledgehammers, run over with trucks and tillers and basically kill their way through the rest of the movie.
Yeesh! So, is it any good?
Well, you know ‘good’ has become an irrelevant term for this series. The first one was good and the second one was really cool…
The first one had Eliza Dushku. Rrrrrrrrrreowr!!
Heh heh; down, boy. After that the movies have been a case of ‘okay, what are they going to come up with next to try and gross us all out?’ The last three Wrong Turn movies have been good only in the most primitive sense of the word. They are good because there are still people out there who enjoy them and want them to be good. Does that make any sense to you?
No, I’m still thinking about Eliza Dushku.
*Sigh* Say goodnight, dumb-ass.
Good night, dumb-ass.
MOVE ALONG NOW, YA HEAR? THERE’S NO TRIVIA TO SEE HERE.
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ALIENS
ALIENS-United States/United Kingdom-1986

Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley

Michael Biehn as Cpl. Dwayne Hicks

Lance Henriksen as Bishop

Carrie Henn as Newt
Directed by James Cameron
Story by James Cameron, David Giler and Walter Hill
Screenplay by James Cameron
Based on characters created by Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett
Do you ever have that problem where, you’re writing a review, and the movie you’re reviewing is so good that you just want to load every superlative onto it that your mind can conjure? The problem with that is that if you do you know you’re going to come off sounding like some pompous jerk.
So what do you do in this situation? You dial it down; which is what I’m going to do. I’m going to dial down all my ‘pompous jerk’ superlatives into three simple words:
Aliens fucking rocks.
There is not one scene in this entire film that doesn’t crackle with excitement, with urgency. Even the quietest scenes are the fuse that will light the powder keg for the more explosive moments in the movie. Director James Cameron has taken all the intensity of his previous The Terminator and cranked it up to ten for Aliens.
I’m giving you the bare bones details. Ripley (Sigourney Weaver, Copycat, The Cabin in the Woods) returns with a squadron of marines to the planet where the crew of the Nostromo first encountered the vicious xenomorph of 1979’s Alien. In the years since that time a mining colony has been established and all contact with it has been lost. For the next 45 minutes or more Ripley and the marines encounter and do battle with hundreds, maybe thousands of the bloodthirsty creatures. The tagline for Aliens is ‘This time it’s war’ and war is what we get as the beasts come out of the walls, from the ceiling and even up from the floors to attack and conquer.
In one of Aliens quieter moments a little girl, Newt, the only survivor, is discovered and Ripley becomes a surrogate mother to her for the rest of the film. The amazing thing about this is that it breaks the main premise of Aliens down into something very simple and that is that a mother, a good mother, will go to any lengths to protect her child. In the end, when it’s down to Ripley, Cpl. Hicks (Michael Biehn, The Victim, Planet Terror), the android Bishop (Lance Henriksen, Pumpkinhead, Millenium) and Newt (Carrie Henn), the last thing standing in the way of them getting off of the planet is the queen alien, a being so magnificent that mere words cannot begin to describe her. That’s a cliché, yes, but one that is loaded with truth. The final battle between Ripley and the queen is an amazing sight to behold. Here, we have two mothers; one human and one alien fighting for the lives of their children.
In the 26 years since its release in 1986, Aliens has stood the test of time as not only a great science fiction film, but as a spectacular action film that can be regarded as one of the finest in cinema. I get the strong feeling that I could make that statement in another 26 years. If Alien is the perfect science fiction/horror film, then Aliens is the perfect science fiction/action film.
TRIVIA
Hicks was originally played by James Remar, but Michael Biehn replaced him a few days after principal photography began, due to “artistic differences” between Remar and director James Cameron. However, Remar still appears in the finished film – but wearing the same armor, and shot from behind, it’s impossible to tell the difference between the two actors.
All of the cast who were to play the Marines (with the exception of Michael Biehn, who replaced James Remar one week into filming) were trained by the S.A.S. (Special Air Service, Britain’s elite special operations unit) for two weeks before filming. Sigourney Weaver, Paul Reiser, and William Hope didn’t participate/attend the training because director James Cameron felt it would help the actors create a sense of detachment between the three and the Marines – the characters these three actors played were all outsiders to the squad; Ripley being an advisor to the Marines while on the trip to LV-426, Burke being there just for financial reasons and Gorman being a newly-promoted Lieutenant with less experience than most of the Marines.
Having hired James Cameron to write the screenplay, 20th Century Fox then did the unthinkable when he left the production to direct The Terminator: they agreed to wait for Cameron to become available again and finish the screenplay. Cameron had only completed about 90 pages at that stage, but the studio had loved what he had written so far.
To bring the alien queen to life would take anything between 14 and 16 operators.
Al Matthews, who plays a Marine sergeant in this film, was in real life the first black Marine to be promoted to the rank of sergeant in the field during service in Vietnam.
In the scene where the crew is getting dressed after waking up from hypersleep, Hudson says, “Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?” to which Vasquez answers, “No. Have you?” This is “borrowed” from Hollywood legend. Columnist Earl Wilson once asked Tallulah Bankhead, “Have you ever been mistaken for a man?” Bankhead responded, “No darling. Have you?”
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MIRRORS 2
MIRRORS 2-United States-2010

Nick Stahl as Max Matheson

Christy Romano as Jenna McCarty
Directed by Victor Garcia
Teleplay by Matt Venne
I am lead to believe that the underlying message of Mirrors 2 is that we are our own worst enemy. There’s kind of a revolving door theory to all that; I know for a fact that I am my own worst enemy because I just watched Mirrors 2. Only someone harboring a masochistic side would voluntarily subject themselves to this piece of garbage. I can truly understand why Nick Stahl went AWOL earlier this year; the poor guy was ashamed that he made this atrocity of a motion picture. Mirrors 2 is a watered down version of the original Mirrors and it never once reaches the level of creepiness, albeit flawed, of that first film.
Max (Stahl, Sin City, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) is a security guard hired by his father (William Katt, The Greatest American Hero) to guard the soon to be re-opened Mayflower Department store. Max is going through a rough time. He lost his fiancé in a car accident and is taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist; so of course he thinks he’s crazy when he sees the image of a dead girl reflected in the mirror. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen next. If your guess is that the reflective doppelgangers of certain people act independently of their owners and cause them bloody and violent death then la-de-da for you; you just figured out 90% of the plot of this piece of crap. The other 10% is a revenge tale that doesn’t make it known until near the end of the movie.
Stahl seems to be the only one who gets any significant screen time. The rest of the cast is nothing but window dressing. It took me forever to find a photo of Christy Romano (Even Stevens) for this review. Everyone I found was a nude photo and I ended up having to crop the one I finally did use. After I saw the film I realized that she’s naked more than not. That would be a good thing except that her make-up, hair and pale skin make her look like she’s channeling Marilyn Manson.
Emmanuelle Vaugiér (Saw II, Dolan’s Cadillac) is second billed in this film. Don’t ask me why; she’s only on camera for maybe fifteen minutes. She never gets naked and that’s okay; at least she doesn’t look like the aforementioned Manson.
As for William Katt; to be honest I didn’t even realize the guy was still alive, let alone making movies. He’s in this one a whole lot too. For those of you who don’t read between the lines too well, that was sarcasm. I could keep going and going, but I’ll shut up now.
The last thing I will say is that when I am standing in front of the mirror tonight I hope and pray that my reflection doesn’t flip me off for watching this waste of time.
NO TRIVIA
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I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER-United States-1998

Jennifer Love Hewitt as Julie James
Directed by Danny Cannon
Written by Trey Callaway
Based on characters created by Lois Duncan
I still know what you did last summer. Well la-de-fucking-da. I don’t give a monkey’s balls about what you did last summer. All I know is that I hope to holy hell it wasn’t spent watching this putrid excuse for a sequel to a somewhat but not always putrid excuse for a movie. I was going to post my original review for “I Know What You Did Last Summer” as my review for “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.” All I would have had to do was change a few names and add in words like Bahamas, voo-doo, boat, storm and slasher and I would have been done. In fact, I really don’t have very much to say about the movie. But don’t go away, because I have visual aids.
Okay, the first picture I’m going to show you is the best part of “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer”. Are you ready? Here goes nothing.
For those of you who guessed that these belong to Jennifer Love Hewitt (Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties), give yourselves a pat on the back. This is not me being a male chauvinist pig; this is just me saying that the only thing good about this movie really had nothing to do with the movie since they could have re-cast the part in the first place if Hewitt had not been available for some odd reason. Oh, and I said ‘kitties’ in the parenthetical section of the previous sentence; not that other word that rhymes with ‘kitties’.
Okay, now I’m going to show you the absolute worst part of “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer”. I warn you it is not a pretty sight.
If you guessed that this is Jack Black (King Kong) in dreadlocks I don’t know whether to feel sorry for you or to tell you to give yourself a pat on the back. Needless to say I don’t think I have wished for a character’s demise to come as quickly as I did this one. Annoying does not even begin to describe Black as Titus Telesco.
I hope you enjoyed my little visual presentation of the best and the worst of “I Still Know—oh screw it; I really don’t care. If it will keep you from seeing it, then I have done my civic duty or some crap like that.
TRIVIA
Early promotional material, including the theatrical trailer, credit Stephen Gaghan as co-writer of the screenplay. In the final credits, only Trey Callaway is credited.
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THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN
THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN-United States-1935
Directed by James Whale
Screenplay by William Hurlbut
Suggested by the original story written by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
Adapted by William Hurlbut and John Balderston
Just when Doctor Frankenstein thought that he was out, Doctor Pretorius pulls him back in. You’ll have to forgive the reference to “The Godfather Part III“, but I just couldn’t help myself; we’re talking sequels here. While we’re on the subject of sequels, how many of you can name the ones that were equally as good as or even better than their predecessors? I’ll give you a hint: “The Godfather Part II” is one of them. So is “Aliens” and “The Dark Knight”. But wait, there is one more; “The Bride of Frankenstein”. Here is a film that is equal parts horror, tragedy and comedy and there is never one moment where one overshadows the other. James Whales’ continuation of the events of the original film is of the simplest of plots. The monster escapes the fiery blaze of the earlier film and terrorizes the countryside once again. Meeting a blind hermit (and providing some of the most humorous moments in the film), the monster realizes that it is not good to be alone. In his own way, he convinces his creator Henry Frankenstein to make him a mate. But will she accept him for what he is; or is there more than one bitch in those body parts?
Running at a very brief 75 minutes, there is more told in “The Bride of Frankenstein” than many films tell in 2 hours. Boris Karloff is amazing as the monster, adding new depth to a character that seemingly would have no depth at all. Ernest Thesiger steals the film as the fiendish (and effeminate) Doctor Pretorius. As for the final moments when the monster meets its new ‘bride’; it is the reason the word ‘classic’ was created.
TRIVIA
Not long before filming began, Colin Clive broke a leg in a horse riding accident. Consequently, most of Dr. Frankenstein’s scenes were shot with him sitting.
Editing after previews resulted in the loss of a subplot in which Karl imitates the Monster’s murderous modus operandi to eliminate his miserly aunt and uncle and direct the blame away from himself.
Valerie Hobson, who plays Dr. Frankenstein’s fiancé/bride in the film, was only 17 years old when she appeared in the film (Colin Clive, who portrayed Dr. Frankenstein, was 35.)
“The Bride”, the most obscure of Universal Studios’ Classic Monsters, is on screen for less than five minutes and is the only “Classic Monster” never to have killed anyone.
2007: The movie’s line “We belong dead” was voted as the #63 of “The 100 Greatest Movie Lines” by Premiere magazine.
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PIRANHA 3DD
PIRANHA 3DD-United States-2012
Directed by John Gulager
Written by Patrick Melton, Marcus Dunstan and Joel Soisson
Characters by Peter Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the water park. John Gulager (“Feast”) picks up where Alexandre Aja left off with “Piranha 3DD”. This time the prehistoric fish wreak havoc on an adult water park on its very first day of business. The park comes complete with lifeguard strippers and special guest star David Hasselhoff.Here is a movie that takes the mutated monster fish sub-genre (if there ever was one to begin with) to a whole new level of ridiculous. “Piranha 3DD” is a movie that would make Herschel Gordon Lewis and Hugh Hefner equally proud. The film is a mash-up of blood and boobs, gore and gams and any other body part these ichthyologic beasties can put in their mouths. The piranha goes from anal to oral in this one and you just have to see it for yourself to believe it.
The plot behind the whole shebang is that the fanged flippers make their way from Lake Victoria to the water park to wreak their havoc. The explanation for how they get from one place to another is so half-ass that we pay no attention to it at all. But then again, that’s the idea. “Piranha 3DD isn’t about style and substance. Nobody is going to be collecting a statue on Oscar night for their efforts. But then again, I do believe they could be in the running for an AVN award for the best depiction of ‘blowjob by piranha.’ The little snapper gave head until it hurt. Ouch!
TRIVIA
The first entry in the “Piranha” series to be entirely filmed in 3D.
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