SHARKNADO-United States-86 Mins. 2013
I just want to wish my extended blogging family a Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years. It has been amazing getting to know a small part of each and every one of you. Thank you.
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante
Written by Thunder Levin
I’ll admit without hesitation that I was going to give Sharknado a low rating before I watched it. I knew that it would be a bad movie going in and I wasn’t disappointed. So why, pray tell, am I giving it a rating of 4 (out of a possible 5) Blood Drops if it’s such a bad movie? I’ll tell you why; it’s because Sharknado is a bad movie that doesn’t pretend to be anything else but. It wallows like a prize-winning hog in the slop that it creates for itself and it does it with gusto! It’s illogical, implausible, poorly written, badly acted, atrociously directed and it says “Hey, look at me!” every step of the way.
A freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles and pushes thousands of sharks onto shore and into the streets to wreak havoc on the cozy and unsuspecting citizens whose idea of a bad day is running out of suntan oil. Ian Ziering (Snake and Mongoose, That’s My Boy) is Fin Shepard (A name I couldn’t make up on my best day), a former Coast Guard and now bartender/surfer who is now in a desperate race to get to his estranged wife April (Tara Reid, Urban Legend, The Big Lebowski) and their children and get them someplace safe before the Weather Girls start singing “It’s Raining Sharks”. He’s a better man than I; I would have just let the sharks have my ex-wife; they would’ve spit her out anyway. With three tornadoes full of hungry sharks soon to hit, Fin and his friends Baz Hogan (Jaason Simmons, Baywatch, Ghost Rig), Nova Clarke (Cassie Scerbo, Bring It On: In It to Win It, Teen Spirit) and George* (John Heard, Home Alone, Cutter’s Way) devise a plan to rid L.A. of Sharknado before the shark-shit hits the fan.
As bad as Sharknado is I can’t find fault with it. Any film that rips off Jaws and every disaster movie ever made is a winner in my book. Sharknado even features Robbie Rist (remember Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch?) as a hapless school bus driver. Ian Ziering has no idea what facial expression to use throughout the film and Tara Reid looks clueless, period. As for the sharks and their performances:
OSCARS ALL AROUND, BABY!!
*George doesn’t have a last name. What does that tell you?
Actor Cory Monteith’s final tweet was about this film days before he died from a drug overdose.
Robbie Rist, who plays Robbie the bus driver, also co-wrote a handful of songs that are featured on the soundtrack.
The school bus sequence was filmed over several days at the 6th street bridge,in downtown LA. While a stunt double was used for certain shots,Ian Ziering did a lot of his own rappelling stunts.
- Catch Up Reviews: Sharknado (serialchillersblog.wordpress.com)
- Download Sharknado 2013 Free Movie (libredownload.wordpress.com)
- Sharknado (2013) (thedullwoodexperiment.wordpress.com)
- ‘Sharknado’ – Film Thought/Review (stockfilm.wordpress.com)
- 12.21: The Best Early Christmas Gift (roofpig.wordpress.com)
- I Survived Sharknado (saluparp.wordpress.com)
- Deep Thoughts: An Afternoon With Sharknado (Part 1/2) (manolith.com)
- Surprising Selfless Reason Why Ian Ziering Did ‘Sharknado’ (abcnews.go.com)
- Twitter Goes Insane Over Sharknado (buzzfeed.com)
- Ian Zeiring did ‘Sharknado’ to maintain his SAG insurance (deathandtaxesmag.com)
She began life as Cassandra Peterson on September 17, 1951 in Manhattan, Kansas. After taking the advice of Elvis Presley she traveled to Europe where she began a career as a singer and an actress and even had a role in Federico Fellini‘s Fellini’s Roma (originally Roma). She even fronted her own Italian rock band.
She returned to America and toured the country as star of her musical comedy show “Mama’s Boy’s. Settling in Hollywood, she spent four and a half years as a part of L.A.’s foremost improvisational group, The Groundlings. In 1981 she auditioned for the role of a horror hostess for a local Los Angeles TV station. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark was born and the rest, as they say, is Scream Queen History.
A comment from a fellow blogger reminded me that I have been long overdue in featuring Elvira as Scream Queen of the Month. Allow me to remedy that; on the same month as her birth allow me to introduce to you the Scream Queen of the Month for September, 2013: ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK!!
ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF TRIVIA
Big fan of Vincent Price, Roger Corman and Edward D. Wood Jr..
#1 of Sci-Fi’s Sexiest B-Queens, by Femme Fatales magazine. 
Pentagon named a Stealth computer system “Elvira” inspired by her.
Was scalded by boiling water when she was five years old. Underwent seventeen skin grafting operations over the course of her childhood to repair the scar tissue. Now covers some of her remaining scars (around neck and shoulders) with make-up or clothing.
Maila Nurmi, the original Vampira, unsuccessfully tried to sue Cassandra Peterson for stealing her act.
Inducted into the Horror Host Hall of Fame in 2012, as her character Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
Although she has appeared in nude layouts, she has never appeared nude as the Elvira character.
ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE QUOTE
“At least I get my little black dress cleaned once in a while.” (In 1998, reacting to being told that Monica Lewinsky liked to compare herself to Elvira)
“I was your typical struggling actress. I went to every audition, took a million acting, dancing and singing lessons, and spent years wondering where my next meal was coming from.”
- Elvira Mistress of The Dark Calendar 1993 (ephemera.typepad.com)
- Fangasm (scifitalk.com)
- What’s Persona in a Horror Genre Hostess? Well, Everything, Ya Know? (inyourclosetseries.wordpress.com)
- Elvira Returns to Knott’s Scary Farm Haunt for 2013; Mazes and Attractions Announced! (dreadcentral.com)
- Fangasm: the new reality TV show that says “Don’t ever play Magic: The Gathering if you ever want to get laid.” (comicsbeat.com)
- EXCLUSIVE: Aussie Scream Queen Sharni Vinson helps us survive the slaughter (rogersmovienation.com)
- New Reality Series ‘Fangasm’ to Premiere Tuesday, September 24 on Syfy (tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com)
- Fanboy Expo bringing diverse mix of cult stars to Tampa (TBO.com)
- Cassandra Peterson Talks Vampire Cruise, Elvira Fandom, And Upcoming Memoir (snolasco.com)
- Scream Queen of the Month-august 2013-teri Mcminn (jmountswritteninblood.com)
Okay, that has to be one of the worst titles of a blog post in the history of blog posts. Not only is it a juvenile play on words (“poll” “pole”, get it?), but it only makes sense if you know who Deborah Ann Woll is (she plays the vampire Jessica on HBO’s True Blood) and if I have to explain it to you that just totally ruins it.
Anyway, I have a new poll for you all to participate in. Written in Blood is as it’s title suggests a horror film blog. With the exception of a handful of non-genre films, I’ve reviewed nothing but horror films since I started over two years ago. This leads to my poll question: should I stick to strictly reviewing horror films; or should I branch out and review non-genre films on a more regular basis?
Vote below. I look forward to hearing from you. I just hope you forgive me for that horrible post title.
- True Blood Beauties: Deborah Ann Woll (pinkfoxpatrol.blogspot.com)
- Comic-Con: ‘True Blood’ star Deborah Ann Woll’s photos, survival tips (herocomplex.latimes.com)
- Stars That Have Used Online Dating Sites! (romeo4julietdatingblog.wordpress.com)
- Bello Mag Beautiful Issue With Deborah Ann Woll & Tyler Posey (falenewriteswords.com)
- Deborah Ann Woll By Aleksandar Tomovic For Bello Mag ‘Beautiful’ Issue (ohlalamag.com)
- San Diego Comic Con 2013: True Blood Is Heading Home To Bon Temps (contactmusic.com)
- True Blood Cast Teases Pam-Vs.-Eric Victor, Alcide Story Switch, ‘Gamechanger’ of a Finale (horrorboom.com)
- True Blood Cast Teases Pam-Vs.-Eric Victor, Alcide Story Switch, ‘Gamechanger’ of a Finale (tvline.com)
- Independent Horror Films (costumesupercenter.com)
- Exploring Horror Movies (costumesupercenter.com)
Directed by James Cox
Written by James Cox, Captain Mauzner, Todd Samovitz and D. Loriston Scott
The film Wonderland is an account of the Wonderland or Laurel Canyon Murders, whichever name you prefer to attach to them, which occurred at 8763 Wonderland Avenue (3768 in the film) in the Laurel Canyon district of Los Angeles on July 1, 1981. The victims were Joy Audrey Gold Miller (Janeane Garofalo, Ratatouille, Dogma), her boyfriend William ‘Billy’ Deverall (Tim Blake Nelson, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Lincoln), Ronald ‘Ron’ Launius (Josh Lucas, Hulk, Poseidon) and Barbara Richardson (Natasha Gregson Wagner, Urban Legend, High Fidelity). The four of them had been bludgeoned to death with a striated lead pipe. A fifth victim, Susan Launius (Christina Applegate, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Hall Pass) survived albeit with serious injuries. It is believed that the murders were in retaliation for a robbery that took place at the home of Eddie Nash (Eric Bogosian, Talk Radio, and Cadillac Records), a drug dealer and the owner of several nightclubs in the Los Angeles area. Knowing who the victims were and knowing that Eddie Nash was at least indirectly involved leads us to now ask one important question: what does a quadruple homicide and a drug dealer have to do with porn star John Holmes?
We all know the legend of John Holmes aka Johnny Wadd. He slept with over 14,000 women. He had a 10 inch or 12 inch or 13½ inch penis according to whoever’s talking about it and how far they want to pull out the tape measure. We know that he died of complications from the AIDS virus in March, 1988. We know that before he died that he was afraid that his famous ‘appendage’ would be cut off and pickled as a conversation piece on some douchebag’s curio shelf after he was dead and gone. The thing that we are still not sure of is whether or not John Holmes was a murderer.
The film tells the tale of the murders from two different viewpoints. The first, from David Lind (McDermott, American Horror Story, The Perks of Being a Wallflower) paints Holmes as a scumbag that sells his friends out after being slighted in his take of the Nash robbery. The second viewpoint is from Holmes himself who paints Lind as a liar who could not be believed about anything. John Holmes is guilty, John Holmes is innocent; Wonderland lets you form your own opinion.
Val Kilmer (Heat, Tombstone) is great in the role of Holmes. This was when he could be trusted to give a great performance; although I think the haircut was a bit too reminiscent of his role as Jim Morrison in The Doors. Also, let’s face it; compared to the real life John Holmes, Kilmer is an Adonis. If it weren’t for having a super-sized weed-whacker the dude would have never gotten a date. As for Kate Bosworth, she’s seriously miscast as Holmes’ girlfriend, Dawn Schiller. She looks lost in every scene as if she has no idea why she’s there.
“Um, Mr. Director, What’s my motivation?”
“You’re the drug addicted whore girlfriend of a porn star with a really big schlong. That’s your motivation.”
The best performance in the film comes from Lisa Kudrow (Easy A, Analyze This) as Holmes’ estranged wife, Sharon. She knows Holmes is a user and wants nothing to do with him; her frustration every time he shows up at her doorstep is heartbreaking to see.
Is Wonderland a good movie? Yes. Does it give us the answer to the questions we’ve been asking all these years? No; but only because the answers aren’t there to begin with. My personal opinion is that Holmes was as guilty as his dick was long. If he wasn’t at the scene of the crime with a lead pipe in his hands then he knew exactly what was going on and didn’t do a fucking thing to stop it. I believe that the man was scum and that a big cock and a bunch of porn credits aren’t going to do anything to change that. You may not agree with my opinion, and you may not want to hear it; but it’s mine and I’m giving it to you anyway.
The film is based on the incident known as either the Laurel Canyon Murders or the Wonderland Murder Case that actually happened in the Hollywood Hills section of Los Angeles in July, 1981.
When the film played the Toronto Film Festival, one of the promotional items handed out was a ruler that was 13 1/2 inches long.
The actual police investigation tape of the crime scene is included as a special feature in the DVD release of the film.
Christina Applegate grew up near the site of the Wonderland murders and remembers seeing the bloody mattresses on the street, which led to her agreeing to take a relatively small role in the film.
In the movie, Val Kilmer (as John Holmes) wears a chain around his neck that holds a ring. The ring is was the actual wedding band that John Holmes gave his wife, Sharon, when they got married in 1965. Sharon loaned it to Val to give him good luck on the movie. When the movie was over, Sharon then gave the ring to Dawn Schiller.
In the real life story, John did not call Eddie Nash after the robbery at his place. Rather, John was spotted by some of Nash’s associates in Hollywood. They noticed that John was wearing some of the jewelry that was stolen in the robbery and told Nash about it. John was then accosted by two gunmen who then took him to Nash for questioning.
The movie did not portray that, while John was being beaten up at Nash’s house,Liberace’s lover, Scott Thorson, was present. It was his testimony that eventually led to the indictment of Eddie Nash by federal authorities.
- Wonderland Wigs Use Red Wig Collection To Support Comic Relief In March (prweb.com)
- Wonderland Wigs Launch March ‘Mega Competition’ (prweb.com)
- Oh So Romantic Winter Wonderland (jayjacy.wordpress.com)
- Wonderland Weekly Vol 1 (4tea2.wordpress.com)
- Wallowing in a Winter Wonderland (cavedownunder.wordpress.com)
- Time machine: ‘Alice in Wonderland’ (1903) (brobrubel.wordpress.com)
- My winter wonderland (stuffcynloves.com)
- Review – The Road Through Wonderland Surviving John Holmes by Dawn Schiller (e-bookbuilders.com)
- Val Kilmer Sued By Consulting Company (contactmusic.com)
- New Images from the Set of ANCHORMAN 2 Featuring Harrison Ford, Will Ferrell, and Christina Applegate (collider.com)
SCREAM QUEEN OF THE MONTH-JANUARY 2013-ELISHA CUTHBERT
What we have here is a glaring example of a Scream Queen who has only appeared in two horror films; those being House of Wax (2005) and Captivity (2007). What we also have is a glaring example of who cares, she’s hot!! Indeed she is, ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls of all ages. The lovely Miss Cuthbert was born on November 30, 1982 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. She made her first appearance on the series Are You Afraid of the Dark? (1996) on the Nickelodeon channel. She was the host of Popular Mechanics for Kids (1997) for three years. She also won the Gemini Award (the Canadian Emmy) for her performance in the TV movie Lucky Girl (2001). She moved to Los Angeles at age 17 and landed her breakthrough role as Kim Bauer, the daughter of Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) on the popular series 24 (2001). Elisha has appeared in the films Old School (2003) with Will Ferrell; Love Actually (2003) with Colin Firth; and The Girl Next Door (2004) with Emile Hirsch.
If you’re Canadian, and your flag is raised, then wave it proudly as we welcome our January 2013 Scream Queen of the Month, Elisha Cuthbert!
LET’S (CUT)HBERT to the CHASE*
While trotting the globe as a correspondent for the award-winning series “Popular Mechanics for Kids” (1997), she caught the eye of First LadyHillary Rodham Clinton and was invited to Washington for a meeting with her.
She left Canada at the age of 17 to move to Los Angeles, California to pursue an acting career. Had a deadline of 6 weeks. By the end of the 5th week was given the role of Kimberley Bauer on Fox’s “24″ (2001).
Auditioned but lost the lead role to Kirsten Dunst in Spider-Man (2002).
“I don’t ever want to be doing the same sort of thing, I never want to be typecast, because I have way too much to give to be sort of, to always be the hot chick in the movie.” (Referring to The Girl Next Door (2004)).
“I’m very mellow. I think if I hadn’t become an actress, I would’ve lived the simple life. You know, get married and sit on my porch.”
“I’m a huge fan of video games and comic books. I’m not die-hard or anything, but I definitely appreciate the art in it, which is really cool.”
*Okay, that was bad.
**I should stop.
- Love It or Hate It? Elisha Cuthbert’s Side-Swept Crop (bellasugar.com)
- How Would YOU Wear It? Elisha Cuthbert (fabsugar.com)
- Who Had the Best Tossed-Back-on-the-Side Hairstyle? (bellasugar.com)
- Pretty in Peach: The Summer’s Must-Have Polish Shade (bellasugar.com)
- Gaslight Anthem Advocate Romance in ‘Here Comes My Man’ (rollingstone.com)
- Talking with Elisha Cuthbert and Zachary Knighton about ‘Happy Endings’ New Season (theawl.com)
- Stacy Keibler & Elisha Cuthbert – VH1 Divas 2012 Red Carpet! (justjared.com)
- Kerry Washington & Elisha Cuthbert – AMAs 2012 Red Carpet (justjared.com)
- [Video] The Gaslight Anthem – “Here Comes My Man” (laststopwonderland.com)
- Elisha Cuthbert Engagement Ring Details (raymondleejewelersblog.com)
Note-Starting this week and continuing through the month of October I will be featuring a Scream Queen of the Week. Any girl with a pretty face and a hot body can star in one or two fright flicks over the course of their careers and each and every one of them owes a debt of gratitude to the four women who will be featured here in the next four weeks. These women have starred in so many horror films between them that when you look at their respective films the list is so long that the scroll bar on your computer gets really small. These ladies have been in everything from Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-rama to Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. They are bold, brassy and bad-ass; but more than anything else they are beautiful. So without further ado let’s meet our first Scream Queen of the Week!
SCREAM QUEEN OF THE WEEK-OCTOBER 1st-5th-LINNEA QUIGLEY
Linnea Barbara Quigley was born on May 27, 1958 in Davenport, Iowa. According to Wikipedia, that all-knowing Wizard of the World Wide Web, she moved to Los Angeles in the 1970’s to pursue her dream of becoming an actress. Miss Quigley has appeared in well over one hundred films including The Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Demons, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Nightmare Sisters, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama and A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. The list goes on and on and shows no signs of stopping as she has four films either filming or in post-production for 2012. It is with great pleasure that I present to you Miss Linnea Quigley, Scream Queen of the Week for October 1st-5th!
Was married to make-up artist Steve Johnson (The Fog, An American Werewolf in London, Blade II) from 1990-1992.
Was once in a band called “The Skirts,” an all-girl band.
Appears at horror conventions several times a year to meet her fans.
Long-time friends with fellow B-movie actresses Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer, whom she has worked with for years.
You have more say on a low-budget film. You don’t have a million people telling you what to do.
As I’ve done more and more films, I find that they sometimes impose nudity in certain scenes where I really don’t want to do it. There should be some kind of restraint on love scenes. I love to watch them when they’re nicely shot, but don’t necessarily show a lot. You can show just a little bit and still get the idea.
My favorites, selected from my own movies, are Savage Streets (1984), The Return of the Living Dead (1985) and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers(1988). One of the differences between my association with horror films and scream queens of past generations is that I don’t faint as much.
- Lost Linnea Quigley Film Scream Queen to Finally See the Light of Day (dreadcentral.com)
- Win a copy of “Screaming in High Heels” on DVD! [GIVEAWAY] (thewolfmancometh.com)
- Exclusive Interview: Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley, and Michelle Bauer – Screaming in High Heels! (dreadcentral.com)
- Linnea Quigley in a photo shoot for the magazine Leg Show (dianparkinsonfan.wordpress.com)
- the leading ladies of late-80′s direct-to-video B-movie horror (jamesken.typepad.com)
- The Scream Queens of Film: Julianna Guill (moviesfilmsandflix.com)
- Scream Queen of the Month-august 2012-vampirella (jmountswritteninblood.com)
- Reviews by Jamie: Girls Gone Dead (themovieguideblog.wordpress.com)
- Marilyn Burns Enters The Dungeon of Deadly Delights (dreadcentral.com)
- Scream Queen of the Month-october 2012-sara Paxton (jmountswritteninblood.com)
Directed by William Crain
Screenplay by Joan Torres and Raymond Koenig
In Transylvania of 1780 Prince Mamuwalde (William Marshall, “Honky”, “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse”) is cursed by Count Dracula to become one of the undead, a vampire like himself. In Los Angeles of 1972, the prince is loose on the streets of downtown Los Angeles. Meeting Tina (Vonetta McGee, “The Eiger Sanction”, “Shaft in Africa”), Mamuwalde believes her to be the reincarnation of his beloved bride, Luna. Dr. Thomas, Tina’s friend, suspects that a vampire is terrorizing the city after discovering that several victims had been drained of blood. Can Thomas and the police stop Mamuwalde before Tina is lost to them forever?
I remember when “Blacula” was released in 1972. I remember because it was one of those movies that, in their infinite wisdom, my parents would not allow me to see. All I could do was listen helplessly as my friends, or at least the ones with cooler parents than my own, would tell me all about the movie and pique my curiosity even more. Cut to 2012 and 40 years later I finally was able to see the movie. I must say that I was a little bit…underwhelmed.
“Blacula” has been hailed as a horrifying addition to the vampire genre and I can only say that I found it to be a bit bland. The film is practically bloodless for a vampire film and the acting, save for that of William Marshall as the titular character, and Thalmus Rasulala (“Cornbread, Earl and Me” “New Jack City”) as Dr. Thomas, leaves a lot to be desired. The production has a TV movie quality to itself and I see no reason why it was released to theaters. “Blacula” is a disappointing addition to the vampire and the Blaxploitation genres.
The group performing in the club is The Hues Corporation.
Film debut of Denise Nicholas’.
While the film was in its production stages, William Marshall worked with the producers to make sure his character had some dignity. His character’s name was changed from Andrew Brown to Mamuwalde and received a background story about his being an African prince who had been turned into a vampire.
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Directed by Sidney J. Furie
Screenplay by Frank DeFelitta
Based on the novel by Frank DeFelitta
It’s bad enough when you’re a woman to not be able to fight back when you’re sexually assaulted. The assailant, full of anger and rage, sees you as nothing but an object, an end to his means. Fueled by that anger and rage, he forces himself on you, pushing onto you and driving you open with unchecked strength and power as he takes from you what he wants. I’m not even going to pretend to know what that’s like. I’m not a woman; I’ve never been raped nor have I ever raped anyone. I couldn’t imagine doing that to any woman. But I can imagine the helplessness of the situation. I felt that helplessness for Carla Moran, the young woman repeatedly raped and assaulted by an unseen force in The Entity. I felt for this woman. To be raped by some drunken, smelly excuse for a man is bad enough. At least you can get a description. Carla Moran could barely get anyone to believe her; even after her children, her best friend and her boyfriend witness the attacks. That’s the thing I found scariest about this film; her complete helplessness to combat this force and drive it away from her life.
The Entity is based on a novel by Frank DeFelitta. DeFelitta in turn based the novel on the real life Carla Moran and her case of demonic sexual assault in Los Angeles in 1976. At the end of the film, after the final scene, a scrolling marquee tells you that she lives in Dallas, Texas and is still assaulted to this day (the film was released in 1982). I felt for Carla Moran as I watched the film. I was scared for her and I pitied her. There are moments in the film where I felt a chill run down my spine and a feeling of dread would come over me. Not even her own house was safe haven for this woman.
If I had watched the film when it was first released, I don’t think I would have appreciated it. There’s no blood, no gore, no masked man with a machete. But there is fear, helplessness and utter dread. To be honest, I’ll take my chances with the guy with the machete.
The real-life Carla Moran’s teenage son described a particularly vicious attack in which Carla was thrown by the malevolent force and hit her head. He tried to intervene, but he was also thrown, breaking his arm. In the filming of the movie, the actor playing the son broke his arm in that scene, and the curtains tore from top to bottom without explanation.
For the scenes where the entity disturbs Carla Moran by touching her, the visual effects team designed a hot air stream’s system, pretending fingers that “touch” her body.
- ‘Lost’ Actor and Barbara Hershey Split (since1910.com)
- Black Swan (jmountswritteninblood.com)
- Elephant Man O’Neil Bryan Arrested on Rape Charges (thehollywoodgossip.com)
- 80-yr-old raped; redefine rape laws, says court (ibnlive.in.com)