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ALL CHEERLEADERS DIE COMBINES RAH-RAH WEIRD WITH SIS-BOOM-BAH FUN

ALL CHEERLEADERS DIE-United States-90 Mins. 2013

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Caitlin Stasey as Maddy Killian in All Cheerleaders Die

Caitlin Stasey as Maddy Killian in All Cheerleaders Die

Sianoa Smit-McPhee as Leena Miller in All Cheerleaders Die

Sianoa Smit-McPhee as Leena Miller in All Cheerleaders Die

Brooke Butler as Tracy Bingham in All Cheerleaders Die

Brooke Butler as Tracy Bingham in All Cheerleaders Die

Tom Williamson as Terry Stankus in All Cheerleaders Die

Tom Williamson as Terry Stankus in All Cheerleaders Die

Directed and Written by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson

It’s been a few hours since I watched All Cheerleaders Die and I’m still trying to figure it out. Seriously, a cheerleader movie-any cheerleader movie-should consist of cheerleaders running around in skimpy cheerleader clothes acting like bimbos while all the boys with their raging hormones chase after them hoping to nail them. That is the balance that lies within the heart of a cheerleader movie. However, with that being said let it also be said that All Cheerleaders Die is co-directed by Lucky McKee. Lucky is the (evil? sick? twisted?) genius behind May, The Woman and The Woods, as well as the Masters of Horror episode, “Sick Girl“. If you saw any of those films then do you believe for one second that he’s going to co-direct a normal cheerleader film (with Chris Sivertson)? All Cheerleaders Die is a cheerleader-lesbian-witchcraft-sort of zombie, sort of vampire-revenge movie that will, in the first two minutes have you saying, “What the f*ck?!?”

At the risk of sounding like I lifted the plot summary of All Cheerleaders Die from an outside source let me just say that at the heart the movie is about a cheerleading squad that seeks revenge on their high school football team. It is the smaller parts that make that heart beat and that give the film its charm. After her friend Lexi dies performing a stunt, Maddy seeks revenge on Terry, Lexi’s boyfriend and leader of the team, for dating Tracy, the captain of the cheerleading squad, before Lexi’s body has had time to grow cold, so to speak. Maddy does this by first making Tracy doubt Terry’s fidelity and by seducing Tracy herself. There is an argument at a party that leads to a car crash and Maddy, Tracy and two other cheerleaders, Hannah and Martha, are killed. This is where it gets weird. Maddy’s ex-girlfriend Leena is a witch. Leena performs a pagan ritual and brings the girls back to life with only two complications: Hannah and Martha now reside in each other’s bodies in Freaky Friday fashion; and all four of the girls have a hunger for human blood. Hmm, now where can they find human blood? How about from the football players that caused them to crash and die in the first place?

Looking at the poster for All Cheerleaders Die there is a disclaimer at the bottom that reads “Based on the original film All Cheerleaders Die“. Yes, there was a film released in 2001 that was also entitled All Cheerleaders Die and that was also directed by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson.

Here is the Wikipedia summary of the 2001 film:

A group of high school football players get into an argument with their cheerleader girlfriends over the difficulty of their respective sports. The cheerleaders insist that it’s difficult to form a human pyramid while the players insist that their boot camp is more strenuous. As a result the players decide to set up a camping weekend with the idea of putting the girls through football training. This turns out to be a bad idea, as one of the cheerleaders ends up beating one of the footballers in a scrimmage game, who then ends up severely beating her. The girls try to escape, only to fall off a cliff and die. Panicked, the players assume that the girls are either dead or dying, and run off in the hopes that nobody will discover what has happened. Unbeknownst to them, one of the girls has survived and later returns at a high school reunion to seek revenge. She summons the zombified remains of her dead friends and one by one, picks off the football players.

Is it me, or does that sound flat and uninteresting? McKee and Sivertson were smart to wait 12 years before remaking All Cheerleaders Die. It may not be the perfect cheerleader-lesbian-witchcraft-sort of zombie, sort of vampire-revenge movie and it may not be the first but it just might be the best cheerleader-lesbian-witchcraft-sort of zombie, sort of vampire-revenge movie that we’ve got. That is, until McKee and Sivertson decide to get weirder in another 12 years.

TRIVIA, 

One of the locations for the filming of All Cheerleaders Die was Cathedral High School, at 1253 Bishops Road, near China Town, in Los Angeles, California. This school was founded in 1925, and is located on what was the old Calvary Cemetery prior to 1900. This high school was designated Los Angeles Historic-Cultural Monument 281 in 1984. Its athletes are nicknamed the Phantoms, because of the school’s location on top of a cemetery.

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Caitlin Stasey also stars in Tomorrow, When the War Began and I, Frankenstein.

Sianoa Smit-McPhee also appears in Touchback and Mall.

Brooke Butler also appears in Retribution (TV).

Tom Williamson also appears in Dark Nights.

Michael Bowen (not shown) also appears in Kill Bill: Vol. 1, Jackie Brown and as Uncle Jack he was the scumbag who shot  Hank Schrader on Breaking Bad.

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LEPRECHAUN

LEPRECHAUN-United States-92 Mins. 1993

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Warwick Davis as Leprechaun in Leprechaun

Warwick Davis as Leprechaun in Leprechaun

Jennifer Aniston as Tory Reding in Leprechaun

Jennifer Aniston as Tory Reding in Leprechaun

Ken Olandt as Nathan Murphy in Leprechaun

Ken Olandt as Nathan Murphy in Leprechaun

Mark Holton as Ozzie in Leprechaun

Mark Holton as Ozzie in Leprechaun

Robert Gorman as Alex in Leprechaun

Robert Gorman as Alex in Leprechaun

Directed and Written by Mark Jones

I wonder if after all these years if Jennifer Aniston wakes up in a cold sweat and the thought, “My God, what have I done?” running through her head. That’s exactly what I would be doing if my debut film was the debacle known as Leprechaun. Now I’ve never watched Troll 2, but I’ve heard that it falls into the ‘so bad it’s good’ category of horror movies. Leprechaun falls into the ‘it was a piece of crap, it is a piece of crap, it will always be a piece of crap’ category. What’s more appalling is that there have been at least 5 sequels and a soon to be released prequel (Leprechaun: Origins-starring WWE’s resident midget Hornswoggle) to this atrocity.

Aniston plays Tory Reding, an L.A. girl. Tory and her dad move into a fix-her-upper house located far from the pulse of L.A. in North Dakota. The previous owner of the house stole the leprechaun’s gold with the intention of living out his days in luxury. When the leprechaun comes seeking his stolen treasure he traps it in a wooden crate and set a four-leaf clover on top to keep it imprisoned within. Ten years later the leprechaun is freed and he soon cuts a bloody path to find his missing gold. It’s up to Tory, some strictly eye-candy painter named Nathan, his little brother Alex and a simpleton named Ozzie to stop the wee Irish monster before their luck runs out for good. I’m hard pressed to find any worse a menagerie of morons in any horror film before or since.

There’s not much more to be said about Leprechaun. There’s nothing to like about it or even raise it to some level of redemption. It’s poorly written, directed and acted and with sub-par make-up effects that would be more at home in a cheap haunted house at Halloween. One thing that does bear thought is the film’s tagline: “Your luck just ran out.” Considering that Jennifer Aniston has never had a true box-office hit those words now seem hauntingly prophetic.

TRIVIA

One scene required the Leprechaun to find and eat Lucky Charms cereal, which the company gave them permission to do. Upon seeing the finished film, the company was displeased and would not allow them to use the scene. The film makers had the choice to either cut the scene or to re-shoot it, costing them more money. They chose to re-shoot it, replacing the brand name with an obvious spoof of the name brand cereal, and, made one last additional surprise ending scene while they were filming. Furious with the cereal company for making them re-shoot the scene, they pulled the kid character aside and had him say a new line. His line, “Your luck just ran out!” was changed to “Fuck you, Lucky Charms!” as an obvious reference to the whole ordeal.

According to Warwick Davis, the movie was originally planned as a scary kid’s film, but the studio thought it would work better as a more adult horror, so inserts were filmed to increase the gore and violence.

Jennifer Aniston’s feature film debut.

The character of Deputy Tripet was named after David Tripet, who had been the executive in charge of production.

The video has sold less than 100,000 copies.

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Warwick Davis also appears in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Jennifer Aniston also appears in We’re the Millers and Office Space.

Ken Olandt also appears in Summer School and April Fool’s Day.

Mark Holton also appears in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and Gacy.

Robert Gorman also appears in Forever Young and The Accidental Tourist.

BIG ASS SPIDER!

BIG ASS SPIDER-United States-80 Mins. 2013

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Greg Grunberg as Alex Mathis in Big Ass Spider

Greg Grunberg as Alex Mathis in Big Ass Spider!

Clare Kramer as Lieutenant Karly Brant in Big Ass Spider

Clare Kramer as Lieutenant Karly Brant in Big Ass Spider!

Lombardo Boyar (left) as Jose Ramos in Big Ass Spider!

Lombardo Boyar (left) as Jose Ramos in Big Ass Spider!

Ray Wise as Major Braxton Tanner in Big Ass Spider!

Ray Wise as Major Braxton Tanner in Big Ass Spider!

Big Ass Spider as Big Ass Spider in Big Ass Spider!

Big Ass Spider as Big Ass Spider in Big Ass Spider!

Directed by Mike Mendez

Written by Gregory Gieras

As a critic I’m supposed to point out all the things that are wrong with a movie like Big Ass Spider!, but where’s the fun in that? I didn’t watch Big Ass Spider! with the intention of ripping it a new spinneret (that’s asshole in spider talk); I watched it with the intention of having fun and laughing and that is exactly what I did. If you watch this movie and think that it’s stupid and a waste of your time then you may have to check yourself for a sense of humor. Big Ass Spider! is Big Ass Fun! and that’s all there is to it.

Greg Grunberg is light on his feet and funny as hell as exterminator Alex Mathis. “Spiders happen to be my specialty. I become a spider to catch a spider”, he says;  making a Lecteresque sound to make his point and to let the viewer know that this is going to be one odd movie. But as funny and in on the joke as Grunberg is, he doesn’t hold a candle to Lombardo Boyar as Jose Ramos, security guard and impromptu assistant to Alex. “I will be the Robin to your Batman…the Tonto to your Lone Ranger…the John Oates to your Daryl Hall!” It’s no surprise that Boyar steals every scene that he’s in.

The major point that director Mike Mendez and writer Gregory Gieras are aware of is that if you’re going to make a movie about a Big Ass Spider! terrorizing Los Angeles then you are going to need a girl for Alex, our hero, to save. That girl is Clare Kramer as the sexy (yet determined) Lieutenant Karly Brant; blonde, beautiful, tough and kissable. She’s the right hand man-er-woman to General Braxton Tanner (is that a name with titanium balls or what?), played by Ray Wise in what may be his most scenery chewing role to date.

Big Ass Spider! is filled with inside jokes; some of which I caught and some which I didn’t. I noticed references to Aliens, Cloverfield (I think), and King Kong (of course) as well as pokes at a few viral internet sensations of the past few years (“Hide yo wife, hide yo kids ’cause there’s a Big Ass Spider! on the loose!”). I’m sure that there are tons more; maybe someone with a sharper eye than mine can tell me what they are.

The bottom line is that Big Ass Spider! is a laughable love letter to giant monster movies. It never once takes itself seriously and neither should you. In fact, if you can’t sit back and laugh at Big Ass Spider! then you may need a swift kick in the ass (that’s spinneret in human talk).

TRIVIA

As one of many inside jokes, producers Shaked Berenson and Patrick Ewald doubled for lead actors Greg Grunberg and Lombardo Boyar. Three of these shots ended up used in the final movie.

Character ‘Handsome Jogger’ was replaced last minute to a cameo by legendary Lloyd Kaufman who was visiting Los Angeles at the time.

If you buy Big Ass Spider! at Walmart be forewarned: you may have to look for it under the title BIGGEST SPIDER! with the A-S-S overlapped by G-E-S-T. Apparently Walmart doesn’t like anatomical references.

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Greg Grunberg also appears in Hollow Man and Star Trek.

Lombardo Boyar also appears in Gone in 60 Seconds and Gia.

Clare Kramer also appears in Bring It On and The Rules of Attraction.

Ray Wise also appears in Robocop and Jeepers Creepers 2.

SHARKNADO

SHARKNADO-United States-86 Mins. 2013

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Tara Reid as April Wexler in Sharknado

Tara Reid as April Wexler in Sharknado

Ian Ziering as Fin Shepard in Sharknado

Ian Ziering as Fin Shepard in Sharknado

John Heard as George in Sharknado

John Heard as George in Sharknado

Cassie Scerbo as Nova Clarke in Sharknado

Cassie Scerbo as Nova Clarke in Sharknado

Jaason Simmons as Baz Hogan in Sharknado

Jaason Simmons as Baz Hogan in Sharknado

Lots and lots of sharks as Themselves in Sharknado

Lots and lots of sharks as Themselves in Sharknado

Even more lots and lots of sharks as Themselves in Sharknado

Even more lots and lots of sharks as Themselves in Sharknado

I just want to wish my extended blogging family a Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years. It has been amazing getting to know a small part of each and every one of you. Thank you.

Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

Written by Thunder Levin

I’ll admit without hesitation that I was going to give Sharknado a low rating before I watched it. I knew that it would be a bad movie going in and I wasn’t disappointed. So why, pray tell, am I giving it a rating of 4 (out of a possible 5) Blood Drops if it’s such a bad movie? I’ll tell you why; it’s because Sharknado is a bad movie that doesn’t pretend to be anything else but. It wallows like a prize-winning hog in the slop that it creates for itself and it does it with gusto! It’s illogical, implausible, poorly written, badly acted, atrociously directed and it says “Hey, look at me!” every step of the way.

A freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles and pushes thousands of sharks onto shore and into the streets to wreak havoc on the cozy and unsuspecting citizens whose idea of a bad day is running out of suntan oil. Ian Ziering (Snake and Mongoose, That’s My Boy) is Fin Shepard (A name I couldn’t make up on my best day), a former Coast Guard and now bartender/surfer who is now in a desperate race to get to his estranged wife April (Tara Reid, Urban Legend, The Big Lebowski) and their children and get them someplace safe before the Weather Girls start singing “It’s Raining Sharks”. He’s a better man than I; I would have just let the sharks have my ex-wife; they would’ve spit her out anyway. With three tornadoes full of hungry sharks soon to hit, Fin and his friends  Baz Hogan (Jaason Simmons, Baywatch, Ghost Rig), Nova Clarke (Cassie Scerbo, Bring It On: In It to Win It, Teen Spirit) and George* (John Heard, Home Alone, Cutter’s Way) devise a plan to rid L.A. of Sharknado before the shark-shit hits the fan.

As bad as Sharknado is I can’t find fault with it. Any film that rips off Jaws and every disaster movie ever made is a winner in my book. Sharknado even features Robbie Rist (remember Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch?) as a hapless school bus driver. Ian Ziering has no idea what facial expression to use throughout the film and Tara Reid looks clueless, period. As for the sharks and their performances:

OSCARS ALL AROUND, BABY!!

*George doesn’t have a last name. What does that tell you?

TRIVIA

Actor Cory Monteith’s final tweet was about this film days before he died from a drug overdose.

Robbie Rist, who plays Robbie the bus driver, also co-wrote a handful of songs that are featured on the soundtrack.

The school bus sequence was filmed over several days at the 6th street bridge,in downtown LA. While a stunt double was used for certain shots,Ian Ziering did a lot of his own rappelling stunts.

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SCREAM QUEEN OF THE MONTH-SEPTEMBER 2013-ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK

Elvira

She began life as Cassandra Peterson on September 17, 1951 in Manhattan, Kansas. After taking the advice of Elvis Presley she traveled to Europe where she began a career as a singer and an actress and even had a role in Federico Fellini‘s Fellini’s Roma (originally Roma). She even fronted her own Italian rock band.

She returned to America and toured the country as star of her musical comedy show “Mama’s Boy’s. Settling in Hollywood, she spent four and a half years as a part of L.A.’s foremost improvisational group, The Groundlings. In 1981 she auditioned for the role of a horror hostess for a local Los Angeles TV station. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark was born and the rest, as they say, is Scream Queen History.

A comment from a fellow blogger reminded me that I have been long overdue in featuring Elvira as Scream Queen of the Month. Allow me to remedy that; on the same month as her birth allow me to introduce to you the Scream Queen of the Month for September, 2013: ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK!!

ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF TRIVIA

Big fan of Vincent Price, Roger Corman and Edward D. Wood Jr..

#1 of Sci-Fi’s Sexiest B-Queens, by Femme Fatales magazine. [1997]

Pentagon named a Stealth computer system “Elvira” inspired by her.

Was scalded by boiling water when she was five years old. Underwent seventeen skin grafting operations over the course of her childhood to repair the scar tissue. Now covers some of her remaining scars (around neck and shoulders) with make-up or clothing.

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Maila Nurmi, the original Vampira, unsuccessfully tried to sue Cassandra Peterson for stealing her act.

Inducted into the Horror Host Hall of Fame in 2012, as her character Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

Although she has appeared in nude layouts, she has never appeared nude as the Elvira character.

ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE QUOTE

“At least I get my little black dress cleaned once in a while.” (In 1998, reacting to being told that Monica Lewinsky liked to compare herself to Elvira)

 “I was your typical struggling actress. I went to every audition, took a million acting, dancing and singing lessons, and spent years wondering where my next meal was coming from.”

I MAY NOT BE DEBORAH ANN WOLL, BUT I HAVE A MUCH NICER POLL

Okay, that has to be one of the worst titles of a blog post in the history of blog posts. Not only is it a juvenile play on words (“poll” “pole”, get it?), but it only makes sense if you know who Deborah Ann Woll is (she plays the vampire Jessica on HBO’s True Blood) and if I have to explain it to you that just totally ruins it.

Deborah Ann Woll

Deborah Ann Woll

Me

Me

Anyway, I have a new poll for you all to participate in. Written in Blood is as it’s title suggests a horror film blog. With the exception of a handful of non-genre films, I’ve reviewed nothing but horror films since I started over two years ago. This leads to my poll question: should I stick to strictly reviewing horror films; or should I branch out and review non-genre films on a more regular basis?

Vote below. I look forward to hearing from you. I just hope you forgive me for that horrible post title.

WONDERLAND

WONDERLAND-United States/Canada-2003

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Val Kilmer as John Holmes

Val Kilmer as John Holmes

Kate Bosworth as Dawn Schiller

Kate Bosworth as Dawn Schiller

Lisa Kudrow as Sharon Holmes

Lisa Kudrow as Sharon Holmes

Josh Lucas as Ron Launius

Josh Lucas as Ron Launius

Tim Blake Nelson (L) as Billy Deverall

Tim Blake Nelson (L) as Billy Deverall

Dylan McDermott as David Lind

Dylan McDermott as David Lind

Christina Applegate as Susan Launius

Christina Applegate as Susan Launius

Eric Bogosian as Eddie Nash

Eric Bogosian as Eddie Nash

Carrie Fisher as Sally Hansen

Carrie Fisher as Sally Hansen

Franky G. as Louis Cruz

Franky G. as Louis Cruz

M.C. Gainey as Billy Ward

M.C. Gainey as Billy Ward

Janeane Garofalo as Joy Miller

Janeane Garofalo as Joy Miller

Ted Levine as Sam Nico

Ted Levine as Sam Nico

Faizon Love as Greg Diles (Image not from film)

Faizon Love as Greg Diles (Image not from film)

Natasha Gregson Wagner as Barbara Richardson

Natasha Gregson Wagner as Barbara Richardson

Directed by James Cox

Written by James Cox, Captain Mauzner, Todd Samovitz and D. Loriston Scott

The film Wonderland is an account of the Wonderland or Laurel Canyon Murders, whichever name you prefer to attach to them, which occurred at 8763 Wonderland Avenue (3768 in the film) in the Laurel Canyon district of Los Angeles on July 1, 1981. The victims were Joy Audrey Gold Miller (Janeane Garofalo, RatatouilleDogma), her boyfriend William ‘Billy’ Deverall (Tim Blake Nelson, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Lincoln), Ronald ‘Ron’ Launius (Josh Lucas, HulkPoseidon) and Barbara Richardson (Natasha Gregson Wagner, Urban LegendHigh Fidelity). The four of them had been bludgeoned to death with a striated lead pipe. A fifth victim, Susan Launius (Christina Applegate, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron BurgundyHall Pass) survived albeit with serious injuries. It is believed that the murders were in retaliation for a robbery that took place at the home of Eddie Nash (Eric Bogosian, Talk Radioand Cadillac Records), a drug dealer and the owner of several nightclubs in the Los Angeles area. Knowing who the victims were and knowing that Eddie Nash was at least indirectly involved leads us to now ask one important question: what does a quadruple homicide and a drug dealer have to do with porn star John Holmes?

We all know the legend of John Holmes aka Johnny Wadd. He slept with over 14,000 women. He had a 10 inch or 12 inch or 13½ inch penis according to whoever’s talking about it and how far they want to pull out the tape measure. We know that he died of complications from the AIDS virus in March, 1988. We know that before he died that he was afraid that his famous ‘appendage’ would be cut off and pickled as a conversation piece on some douchebag’s curio shelf after he was dead and gone. The thing that we are still not sure of is whether or not John Holmes was a murderer.

The film tells the tale of the murders from two different viewpoints. The first, from David Lind (McDermott, American Horror Story, The Perks of Being a Wallflower) paints Holmes as a scumbag that sells his friends out after being slighted in his take of the Nash robbery. The second viewpoint is from Holmes himself who paints Lind as a liar who could not be believed about anything. John Holmes is guilty, John Holmes is innocent; Wonderland lets you form your own opinion.

Val Kilmer (Heat, Tombstone) is great in the role of Holmes. This was when he could be trusted to give a great performance; although I think the haircut was a bit too reminiscent of his role as Jim Morrison in The Doors. Also, let’s face it; compared to the real life John Holmes, Kilmer is an Adonis. If it weren’t for having a super-sized weed-whacker the dude would have never gotten a date. As for Kate Bosworth, she’s seriously miscast as Holmes’ girlfriend, Dawn Schiller. She looks lost in every scene as if she has no idea why she’s there.

“Um, Mr. Director, What’s my motivation?”

“You’re the drug addicted whore girlfriend of a porn star with a really big schlong. That’s your motivation.”

“Oh. Okay!!”

The best performance in the film comes from Lisa Kudrow (Easy A, Analyze This) as Holmes’ estranged wife, Sharon. She knows Holmes is a user and wants nothing to do with him; her frustration every time he shows up at her doorstep is heartbreaking to see.

Is Wonderland a good movie? Yes. Does it give us the answer to the questions we’ve been asking all these years? No; but only because the answers aren’t there to begin with. My personal opinion is that Holmes was as guilty as his dick was long. If he wasn’t at the scene of the crime with a lead pipe in his hands then he knew exactly what was going on and didn’t do a fucking thing to stop it. I believe that the man was scum and that a big cock and a bunch of porn credits aren’t going to do anything to change that. You may not agree with my opinion, and you may not want to hear it; but it’s mine and I’m giving it to you anyway.

TRIVIA 

The film is based on the incident known as either the Laurel Canyon Murders or the Wonderland Murder Case that actually happened in the Hollywood Hills section of Los Angeles in July, 1981.

When the film played the Toronto Film Festival, one of the promotional items handed out was a ruler that was 13 1/2 inches long.

The actual police investigation tape of the crime scene is included as a special feature in the DVD release of the film.

Christina Applegate grew up near the site of the Wonderland murders and remembers seeing the bloody mattresses on the street, which led to her agreeing to take a relatively small role in the film.

In the movie, Val Kilmer (as John Holmes) wears a chain around his neck that holds a ring. The ring is was the actual wedding band that John Holmes gave his wife, Sharon, when they got married in 1965. Sharon loaned it to Val to give him good luck on the movie. When the movie was over, Sharon then gave the ring to Dawn Schiller.

In the real life story, John did not call Eddie Nash after the robbery at his place. Rather, John was spotted by some of Nash’s associates in Hollywood. They noticed that John was wearing some of the jewelry that was stolen in the robbery and told Nash about it. John was then accosted by two gunmen who then took him to Nash for questioning.

The movie did not portray that, while John was being beaten up at Nash’s house,Liberace’s lover, Scott Thorson, was present. It was his testimony that eventually led to the indictment of Eddie Nash by federal authorities.

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SCREAM QUEEN OF THE MONTH-JANUARY 2013-ELISHA CUTHBERT

SCREAM QUEEN OF THE MONTH-JANUARY 2013-ELISHA CUTHBERT

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What we have here is a glaring example of a Scream Queen who has only appeared in two horror films; those being House of Wax (2005) and Captivity (2007). What we also have is a glaring example of who cares, she’s hot!! Indeed she is, ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls of all ages. The lovely Miss Cuthbert was born on November 30, 1982 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. She made her first appearance on the series Are You Afraid of the Dark? (1996) on the Nickelodeon channel. She was the host of Popular Mechanics for Kids (1997) for three years. She also won the Gemini Award (the Canadian Emmy) for her performance in the TV movie Lucky Girl (2001). She moved to Los Angeles at age 17 and landed her breakthrough role as Kim Bauer, the daughter of Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) on the popular series 24 (2001). Elisha has appeared in the films Old School (2003) with Will Ferrell; Love Actually (2003) with Colin Firth; and The Girl Next Door (2004) with Emile Hirsch.

If you’re Canadian, and your flag is raised, then wave it proudly as we welcome our January 2013 Scream Queen of the Month, Elisha Cuthbert!

LET’S (CUT)HBERT to the CHASE*

While trotting the globe as a correspondent for the award-winning series “Popular Mechanics for Kids” (1997), she caught the eye of First LadyHillary Rodham Clinton and was invited to Washington for a meeting with her.

She left Canada at the age of 17 to move to Los Angeles, California to pursue an acting career. Had a deadline of 6 weeks. By the end of the 5th week was given the role of Kimberley Bauer on Fox’s “24” (2001).

Auditioned but lost the lead role to Kirsten Dunst in Spider-Man (2002).

D-ELISHA-OUS QUOTES**

“I don’t ever want to be doing the same sort of thing, I never want to be typecast, because I have way too much to give to be sort of, to always be the hot chick in the movie.” (Referring to The Girl Next Door (2004)).

“I’m very mellow. I think if I hadn’t become an actress, I would’ve lived the simple life. You know, get married and sit on my porch.”

“I’m a huge fan of video games and comic books. I’m not die-hard or anything, but I definitely appreciate the art in it, which is really cool.”

 *Okay, that was bad.

**I should stop.

SCREAM QUEEN OF THE WEEK-OCTOBER 1st-5th-LINNEA QUIGLEY

Note-Starting this week and continuing through the month of October I will be featuring a Scream Queen of the Week. Any girl with a pretty face and a hot body can star in one or two fright flicks over the course of their careers and each and every one of them owes a debt of gratitude to the four women who will be featured here in the next four weeks. These women have starred in so many horror films between them that when you look at their respective films the list is so long that the scroll bar on your computer gets really small. These ladies have been in everything from Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-rama to Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. They are bold, brassy and bad-ass; but more than anything else they are beautiful. So without further ado let’s meet our first Scream Queen of the Week!

SCREAM QUEEN OF THE WEEK-OCTOBER 1st-5th-LINNEA QUIGLEY

Linnea Barbara Quigley was born on May 27, 1958 in Davenport, Iowa. According to Wikipedia, that all-knowing Wizard of the World Wide Web, she moved to Los Angeles in the 1970’s to pursue her dream of becoming an actress. Miss Quigley has appeared in well over one hundred films including The Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Demons, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Nightmare Sisters, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama and A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. The list goes on and on and shows no signs of stopping as she has four films either filming or in post-production for 2012. It is with great pleasure that I present to you Miss Linnea Quigley, Scream Queen of the Week for October 1st-5th!

TRIVIA

5’2″

Was married to make-up artist Steve Johnson (The Fog, An American Werewolf in London, Blade II) from 1990-1992.

Was once in a band called “The Skirts,” an all-girl band.

Appears at horror conventions several times a year to meet her fans.

Long-time friends with fellow B-movie actresses Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer, whom she has worked with for years.

QUIGLEY QUOTES

You have more say on a low-budget film. You don’t have a million people telling you what to do.

 As I’ve done more and more films, I find that they sometimes impose nudity in certain scenes where I really don’t want to do it. There should be some kind of restraint on love scenes. I love to watch them when they’re nicely shot, but don’t necessarily show a lot. You can show just a little bit and still get the idea.

My favorites, selected from my own movies, are Savage Streets (1984), The Return of the Living Dead (1985) and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers(1988). One of the differences between my association with horror films and scream queens of past generations is that I don’t faint as much.

BLACULA

BLACULA-United States-1972

William Marshall as Prince Mamuwalde/Blacula

Denise Nicholas as Michelle

Vonetta Mcgee as Tina

Thalmus Rasulala as Dr. Gordon Thomas

Charles Macaulay as Dracula

Directed by William Crain

Screenplay by Joan Torres and Raymond Koenig

In Transylvania of 1780 Prince Mamuwalde (William Marshall, “Honky”, “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse”) is cursed by Count Dracula to become one of the undead, a vampire like himself. In Los Angeles of 1972, the prince is loose on the streets of downtown Los Angeles. Meeting Tina (Vonetta McGee, “The Eiger Sanction”, “Shaft in Africa”), Mamuwalde believes her to be the reincarnation of his beloved bride, Luna. Dr. Thomas, Tina’s friend, suspects that a vampire is terrorizing the city after discovering that several victims had been drained of blood. Can Thomas and the police stop Mamuwalde before Tina is lost to them forever?

I remember when “Blacula” was released in 1972. I remember because it was one of those movies that, in their infinite wisdom, my parents would not allow me to see. All I could do was listen helplessly as my friends, or at least the ones with cooler parents than my own, would tell me all about the movie and pique my curiosity even more. Cut to 2012 and 40 years later I finally was able to see the movie. I must say that I was a little bit…underwhelmed.

“Blacula” has been hailed as a horrifying addition to the vampire genre and I can only say that I found it to be a bit bland. The film is practically bloodless for a vampire film and the acting, save for that of William Marshall as the titular character, and Thalmus Rasulala (“Cornbread, Earl and Me” “New Jack City”) as Dr. Thomas, leaves a lot to be desired. The production has a TV movie quality to itself and I see no reason why it was released to theaters. “Blacula” is a disappointing addition to the vampire and the Blaxploitation genres.

TRIVIA

The group performing in the club is The Hues Corporation.

Film debut of Denise Nicholas’.

While the film was in its production stages, William Marshall worked with the producers to make sure his character had some dignity. His character’s name was changed from Andrew Brown to Mamuwalde and received a background story about his being an African prince who had been turned into a vampire.

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