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TALES FROM THE CRYPT PRESENTS BORDELLO OF BLOOD

TALES FROM THE CRYPT PRESENTS BORDELLO OF BLOOD-United States-1996

Dennis Miller as Rafe Guttman

Erika Eleniak as Katherine Verdoux

Angie Everhart as Lilith

Chris Sarandon as Reverend Current

Corey Feldman as Caleb Verdoux

Directed by Gilbert Adler

Story by Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis

Screenplay by A.L. Katz and Gilbert Adler

Based on the comic book “Tales from the Crypt” created by William Gaines

The entire time I was watching Dennis Miller’s performance in “Tales from the Crypt presents Bordello of Blood”; I couldn’t help thinking that Rider Strong could play a younger Miller in a bio-pic. Between that and the fact that there are enough boobs and butts to keep Hugh Hefner on his Viagra prescription, it’s about the only things that keeps this extended episode interesting. Sure it’s got women of ill repute and vampires and lots of blood and gore, but it’s really nothing we haven’t seen before and better in the same year of its release. Anyone remember a kick ass of a movie called “From Dusk ’til Dawn?” That film came out in January of 1996; whereas “Bordello of Blood” didn’t rear its ugly head until August of that same year.

Lilith (why in the hell are they always named Lilith?), the mother of all vampires, is resurrected and opens a bordello inside a funeral home to lure unsuspecting male victims. One of those male victims just so happens to be Corey Feldman, who, ironically speaking, should know how to defend himself against vampires since he was a Frog brother in “The Lost Boys“. But we’re not talking about that movie, now are we? Anyway, after his disappearance his goody two-shoes sister (Erika Eleniak-”Baywatch”, “E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial“, Miss July 1989 in Playboy Magazine) hires private investigator Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller-”Thank You for Smoking”, The Net”) to try and find him. This in turn leads them to Lilith (Angie Everhart-”Take Me Home Tonight”) and her vampire hos and the final confrontation between the three leads. I’m not going to give away the secret to Lilith’s destruction, but I will say that Harry Potter fans should find it very familiar. It all sounds pretty damn exciting, doesn’t it, kids? Trust me; for the most part it’s not. Miller is by far the best thing about the movie; but it’s not his acting, but his strength as a comedian that carries the role. His character, Guttman, has the best one-liners in the movie. Angie Everhart is all statuesque red-haired sex appeal and Eleniak is girl next door gorgeous. Neither actress possesses a great deal of talent to go along with their beauty. There is then of course the blood and gore to consider, but it’s all cartoonish and not in the least bit terrifying.

So, if you want to see a vampire film with hookers and strippers but not much excitement to carry it along then by all means see “Bordello of Blood”. Anything more than that and you’ll need to see the one starring George Clooney and Salma Hayek. If neither of those choices floats your boat then there’s always “Twilight”.

TRIVIA

In a cemetery, there’s a crypt with the name “Gaines” on it. William Gaines is the creator of the “Tales From The Crypt” comic books.

Was originally intended to be the second installment in a trilogy of Tales From The Crypt movies, but the proposed third movie was scrapped by Universal when Bordello Of Blood bombed at the box offices.

Originally supposed to be released on a “horror themed” weekend (Halloween, Friday the 13th, etc.) but Universal didn’t have enough movies slated to be released for the summer of 1996 and opted to release Bordello Of Blood in August as a result.

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THE LOST BOYS

THE LOST BOYS-United States-1987

Jami Gertz as Star

Edward Hermann as Max

Barnard Hughes as Grandpa

Dianne Wiest as Lucy

Directed by Joel Schumacher

Screenplay by Janice Fischer, James Jeremias and Jeffrey Boam

Story by Janice Fischer and James Jeremias

This is only the third time that I’ve watched The Lost Boys. The first time was when it was released to video. The second time maybe a month after that. Honestly, I really wasn’t that impressed with the film. Sure, it was a re-telling of the Peter Pan story, only this time with vampires. So what? The acting in the film is lackluster, the pacing of the film leaves a lot to be desired and the whole thing is completely monotonous. The film did nothing to further the careers of its younger stars. What ever happened to Jason Patric? Has he really done anything of any significance since then? Then of course there are the Corey’s, Feldman and Haim. The two of them had quite a career going for them in the ’80′s. Then came the ’90′s and finally the new millennium and reality TV. What happened then? Corey Haim died and Corey Feldman continues to make direct to video Lost Boys movies. That’s not exactly a stellar career. What about director Joel Schumacher? Isn’t he the guy that decided to add nipples to the Bat suit; thereby nearly ruining not only the Batman mythos, but the comic book movie altogether? The only young star to come out of the Lost Boys with any degree of success is, in my opinion, Kiefer Sutherland. Even so, it was not cinematic success; it was with TV and 24.

I know that there are those of you out there who are going to take me to the woodshed on this one. I can’t help it. It’s been over 20 years since I last saw the film and after seeing it my feelings have not changed. The film is a lackluster attempt to meld two legends, Peter Pan and vampires, and bring them into a modern day setting. It’s not just the boys that are lost; it’s the whole damn movie.

TRIVIA

The original screenplay written by Janice Fischer and James Jeremias was originally about a bunch of “Goonie-type 5th-6th grade kid vampires”, with the Frog Brothers being “chubby 8 year old cub scouts”, and Star being a boy instead of a love interest. Joel Schumacher hated that idea and told the producers he would only sign on if he could change them to teenagers, as he thought it would be much sexier and more interesting.

Kiefer Sutherland was only meant to wear the black gloves he wears as David when riding the motorbike. However, while messing around on the bike behind-the-scenes, he fell off, breaking his arm so he had to wear the gloves through the whole movie to cover his cast.

In the opening sequence there is a random crowd shot that includes an older man in the distance with thick glasses wearing a Gothic looking hooded black robe. While his appearance is in line with the “spooky” factor of the film, he is in fact a semi-nomadic Christian.

½

 

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