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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TEN: SICK GIRL

MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE TEN: SICK GIRL-United States/Canada-2006

SIckGirl

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Angela Bettis as Ida Teeter

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Erin Brown (Misty Mundae) as Misty Falls

Directed by Lucky McKee

Story by Sean Hood

Teleplay by Sean Hood and Lucky McKee

I read a blurb somewhere that said that Lucky McKee’s contribution to Masters of Horror, Sick Girl, was about the dangers of rushing into relationships too quickly. Having watched the episode a few years ago, I re-played as much as I could remember in that thing I call a brain and I thought, “That’s not what it’s about. That’s just dumb.” Then I re-watched Sick Girl for this review and all I can say is son of a bitch that’s exactly what it’s about. I believe at some time or another we’ve all dove headlong into a relationship and then had it bite us in the ass when the person turns out to be way less than the sum of their parts. I know I have and so has my wife. Hell, she insisted we live together for a year before deciding whether we wanted to get married. Why? Because her last husband was a verbally abusive douche bag, that’s why. Having been the king of fast relationships I was more than happy to take it slow and it certainly paid off in the long run. I love my wife. I also realize I just told you way more information than you need to know. Let’s move on.

Ida Teeter (Angela Bettis, The Woman, and May) is a lonely entomologist desperate to find the right person to share her life with. She meets Misty (Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae, The Rage, An Erotic Werewolf in London), a pretty young girl, and they hit it off and are living together before you know it. In the meantime, Ida also receives a package containing a mysterious and aggressive species of insect. The only way to describe this bug is that it is butt ugly and eats Pomeranians. The mystery bug infests Misty; and we soon notice a change in her behavior from sweet innocent hippie chick to cruel and mocking bitch. The change occurs after she moves in with Ida, and that is where I can understand it as the metaphor for going too fast with the matters of the heart. That girl or guy that you meet and date might be great in small doses, but all that can change once they settle in for the long haul. But again, I am digressing a bit.

On the surface, Sick Girl, despite its metaphorical leanings, could have easily been just an average episode of Masters of Horror. Could have been, had it not had an actress with the talent of Angela Bettis to carry the film. There is something about the woman that I find so charming and I feel that she is by far one of the most underrated actresses in the business today. Her acting is so vibrant and yet so tragic that she never fails to weave a small piece of her personality into the fabric of her characters.

If you’ve just met someone, and you think they’re the bees’ knees, and you just can’t wait for them to move in with you; may I suggest you watch this little cautionary tale? You might just change your mind.

TRIVIA

Roger Corman was going to direct Sick Girl but was replaced by Lucky McKee.

The role of Ida Teeter, played by Angela Bettis, was a role originally written for a man with the character name of “Ira Teeter”.

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AFTER 10 EDITIONS OF “WHAT’S THEIR BEST FILM?”, WRITTEN IN BLOOD WEIGHS IN

Wow, I’ve done ten editions of “What’s Their Best Film?” already. In that time I have received great response from some of my regular and my non-regular commentators. I’m sure that a lot of you have voiced your opinion of not what you thought a particular filmmaker’s best movie was; but listed your favorite film from said director instead. Hey, that’s cool; because in order to accurately give an opinion of a director’s best movie you would have had to have seen every film in their catalog. I love movies, but I will not and cannot watch movies 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There are more important things such as work, supporting a family and figuring out ways to get Honey Boo Boo off the air. Damn what an annoying kid and her equally annoying mother!

So why am I babbling on and on? I shall tell you. In the last ten editions of “WTBF?” it has been you, dear reader, who has voiced your humble opinion. Now it’s my turn to give you my opinion. I will list each director below and I will tell what I think is their best movie or my favorite movie; whatever you want to call it.

Let’s begin:

MARTIN SCORSESE

Is it any surprise that I’m going with Goodfellas for this one? In my opinion it’s the greatest gangster flick ever made.

Runner-up: Taxi Driver

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MICHAEL BAY

Most of what Bay puts out is complete shit; but if I had to choose a movie of his to watch I’d go with Armageddon . At least it got the Criterion Collection treatment.

Runner-up: Transformers

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Alfred Hitchcock

Psycho. It’s my favorite “Hitch” film and in my humble opinion it is also his best. The shower scene alone is worth the price of admission.

Runner-up: Rear Window

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STEVEN SPIELBERG

Schlinder’s List. Spielberg may have given us the first summer blockbuster with Jaws; but with Schindler’s List he gave us his first and finest masterpiece. Ralph Fiennes is chilling as Amon Goeth.

Runner-up: Jaws

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QUENTIN TARANTINO

Two words: Kill Bill Vols. 1 and 2, Okay, so that’s six words. That’s because these movies rock so hard they blow up two words and turn them into six!

Runner-up: Pulp Fiction

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PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON

I loved Magnolia and watch it at least three times every year. There are just so many great performances in this film from Julianne Moore to John C. Reilly. Tom Cruise was robbed of an Oscar for his role as informercial sex guru Frank ‘T.J.’ Mackey.

Runner-up: Boogie Nights

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JOHN CARPENTER

Do you honestly think I would choose anything other than The Thing?

Runner-up: Halloween

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DAVID CRONENBERG

Jeff Goldblum had the role of a lifetime in Cronenberg’s vision of the George Langelaan short story The Fly. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Runner-up: The Dead Zone

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BRIAN DE PALMA

Some might say Carrie, some might say Scarface; I’m going with Blow Out as De Palma’s best. Travolta’s performance is one of the key reasons Tarantino wanted him for Pulp Fiction.

Runner-up: Carrie or Scarface (tie)

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ROBERT ALTMAN

I loved Short Cuts the first time I saw it and every time after that. Fantastic ensemble acting.

Runner-up: M*A*S*H

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ROBERT RODRIGUEZ

Not only is Sin City Rodriguez’ best film; but it is also the single most faithful adaptation of a graphic novel from page to screen that I have ever seen in my entire life. It’s also the movie that once again made a contender out of Mickey Rourke.

Runner-up: From Dusk ’til Dawn

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CLINT EASTWOOD

Unforgiven is one of the greatest westerns ever made. It was directed by Clint Eastwood; who in turn learned a few tricks from one of the greatest filmmakers, Sergio Leone.

Runner-up: Million Dollar Baby or Mystic River (tie)

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SAM RAIMI

This is cheating, but I’m going with the entire Evil Dead trilogy for this one. Who needs Spider-man when you’ve got Ash? Bruce Campbell rocks!!

Runner-up: Spider-man 2

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DARIO ARGENTO

To be honest, I’ve only seen three Argento films: Suspiria, Mother of Tears and Opera. Of the three of those I suppose my choice for his best would be Suspiria. What a creepy and atmospheric film.

Runner-up: Opera

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DARREN ARONOFSKY

I have to go with The Wrestler on this one. I’ve been a fan of the squared circle for quite a long time and it’s the first film to take the subject matter seriously. Mickey Rourke was amazing as Randy “The Ram” Robinson.

Runner-up: Black Swan

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WES CRAVEN

I could be a complete asshole and go totally against the popular choice of A Nightmare on Elm Street as Craven’s best; but that would just be stupid. He gave us Freddy Fucking Krueger with this one, for crying out loud!

Runner-up: The Last House on the Left or Scream (tie)

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TOBE HOOPER

Just as Craven brought usFreddy Krueger with his greatest film A Nightmare on Elm Street; so did Tobe Hooper bring us The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Leatherface 10 years prior. Watch this movie and you’ll think twice about picking up hitchhikers and eating Texas Bar-B-Que.

Runner-up: Poltergeist

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ALEXANDRE AJA

It may seem like a strange choice, but I pick his remake of Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes over High Tension (aka Haute Tension aka Switchblade Romance) as Aja’s best film. It’s close though; both movies are fucking brutal.

Runner-up: High Tension 

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ROB ZOMBIE

Some people seem to love Rob Zombie’s films and other people seem to hate his films and his fucking guts. There’s no middle ground. What’s his best film? That’s easy: The Devil’s Rejects.

Runner-up: Halloween

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JOE DANTE

What have I said before? The Howling is the greatest werewolf movie ever made; so the choice here is a no-brainer.

Runner-up: Gremlins

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STUART GORDON

Re-animator, of course. Those of you who disagree can get a job in a sideshow. This film brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘giving head.’

Runner-up: From Beyond

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GUILLERMO DEL TORO

I haven’t seen everything by Del Toro, but I thoroughly enjoyed The Devil’s Backbone. It was an amazing little ghost story.

Runner-up: Hellboy

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GEORGE ROMERO

There is no question that Night of the Living Dead is Romero’s greatest film; the trouble is that Dawn of the Dead is every bit as awesome. Folks, we have a tie! Zombies everywhere have Uncle George to thank for their popularity.

Runner-up: Day of the Dead

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BRAD ANDERSON

I loved Session 9 and The Machinist on equal terms; but if I had to choose I’d have to go with the latter based simply on the strength of the performance from Christian Bale. The Machinist is a brilliant film about guilt and how it can affect us so deeply.

Runner-up: Session 9

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WILLIAM FRIEDKIN

William Friedkin

The Exorcist. Nothing else need be said.

Runner-up: The French Connection

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LUCKY MCKEE

Lucky McKee

I choose May as McKee’s best for one simple reason: the deliciously disturbing performance from Angela Bettis. She deserved an Oscar for that movie.

Runner-up: The Woman

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EDUARDO SÁNCHEZ

Eduardo Sanchez

It’s going to take Sanchez a long time before he gets out from under the shadow of The Blair Witch Project. He’s been making heavy strides with films like Altered and Lovely Molly. Still, it is the witch who holds sway over all.

Runner-up: Altered

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MARIO BAVA

I’ve only seen one Bava film and that is Black Sunday. I do want to see more.

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LUCIO FULCI

The same goes for Lucio Fulci and Zombie. I know, I know I need to watch more Fulci and Bava.

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SERGIO LEONE

The man who gave us The Man with No Name. It’s hard to pick one great Leone film. A Fistful of Dollars? The Good, the Bad and the Ugly? Once Upon a Time in the West? Once Upon a Time in America? Nope, I just can’t do it.

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There you go; my choices. Some are your choices as well and some are not. Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one and they make the world go ’round.

THE TEXAS “WHAT’S THEIR BEST FILM?” CHAINSAW MASSACRE

Make your choice. What’s their best film?

WILLIAM FRIEDKIN

William Friedkin

GOOD TIMES-1967

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY-1968

THE NIGHT THEY RAIDED MINSKY’S-1968

THE BOYS IN THE BAND-1970

THE FRENCH CONNECTION-1971

THE EXORCIST-1973

SORCERER-1977

THE BRINK’S JOB-1978

CRUISING-1980

DEAL OF THE CENTURY-1983

TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.-1985

C.A.T. SQUAD (TV)-1986

RAMPAGE-1987

C.A.T. SQUAD: PYTHON WOLF (TV)-1988

THE GUARDIAN-1990

BLUE CHIPS-1994

JADE-1995

12 ANGRY MEN (TV)-1997

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT-2000

THE HUNTED-2003

BUG-2006

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LUCKY MCKEE

Lucky McKee

MAY-2002

THE WOODS-2006

RED-2008

THE WOMAN-2011

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EDUARDO SÁNCHEZ

Eduardo Sánchez

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (w/Daniel Myrick)-1999

ALTERED-2006

SEVENTH MOON-2008

LOVELY MOLLY-2011

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THE WOMAN

THE WOMAN-United States-2011

Sean Bridges as Chris Cleek

Angela Bettis as Belle Cleek

Lauren Ashley Carter as Peggy Cleek

Zach Rand as Brian Cleek

Carlee Baker as Genevieve Raton

Pollyanna McIntosh as The Woman

Directed by Lucky McKee

Written by Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum

Based on the novel “The Woman” by Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum

The Woman is a film about the thin line between the civilized and the uncivilized; between the decent and the depraved. There is a statement on the DVD box indicating that it was an official selection of the 2011 Sundance Film Festival. I get a strong feeling that the audience attending its premiere were wondering about the truck that hit them. The Woman will shock you, it will even disgust you; but it will not leave you. It’s been a few hours since I watched the film and I still can’t get it out of my head. I don’t think I ever will.

I’ve been watching movies for as far back as I can I remember and I am of the opinion that there has never been a character that I have hated more than that of Chris Cleek. It’s not because of bad acting. Sean Bridges brings an Oscar worthy performance to the role of Cleek. It’s not because of bad writing, either. The film is co-written by two of the most ingenious and twisted minds working in the horror genre today, author Jack Ketchum (Off Season, Offspring, The Girl Next Door) and director Lucky McKee (May, The Woods, Red). No, my hatred for Chris Cleek is because of the person that he is. To Cleek, women are slaves to fetch his coffee, an occasional place to put his penis and they are always there to slap around when they get out of line.

Cleek is a man so low that he would molest his teenage daughter. This is something that’s never mentioned in the film, but it doesn’t have to be. The knowledge of it festers throughout the course of this movie like a pus-filled wound ready to burst. Cleek’s wife, played beautifully by McKee mainstay Angela Bettis, is but a punching bag to him; he says jump, she doesn’t ask ‘how high’, she just does. His son, Brian, at 14 already displays the sociopathic, misogynistic tendencies of his father. When a girl bests him in a free throw contest, he congratulates her to her face, but then sticks gum in her hairbrush and plays the hero by helping her when she gets it stuck in her hair. Like Chris Cleek, he sees women as objects; but not only for his sexual satisfaction. They are for hurting, for torture. Just ask the one shackled in their storm cellar. That’s what this movie is all about; the woman.

The Woman.

The Woman.

TRIVIA

The book ‘The Woman’ will be released to coincide with the film.

Chris Cleek repeatedly uses the word “anophthalmia” in reference to one of his daughters. Unilateral anophthalmia is the congenital absence of one eye, and bilateral anophthalmia is the congenital absence of both eyes.

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