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AWESOME!! I GOT THE LOBSTER AWARD!! WAIT…WHAT? AWESOME!! I GOT THE LIEBSTER AWARD!! (Putting away lobster bib)
AWESOME!! I GOT THE LOBSTER AWARD!! WAIT…WHAT? AWESOME!! I GOT THE LIEBSTER AWARD!! (Putting away lobster bib)
The prestigious (and pink) Liebster Award
My friend and fellow blogger Alex Laybourne has, for reasons unknown even to the birds and the bees and the flowers in the trees, decided to bestow the Liebster Award upon me. Well, actually upon me and four other bloggers. As always, I am honored and grateful that anyone would even think to nominate me, much less actually do it. Also, as always there are rules that come along with the honor. These are rules which I intend to break.
I have to state 7 random facts about myself. I hate this part.
1. I was watching a movie on my Kindle Fire the other night when I noticed a tiny, yet annoying light coming from the left side of the screen. I got my magnifying glass and discovered that it was a tiny little guy texting on his cell phone. I got the tiny little manager and they kicked his tiny little ass out of the tiny little theater on my Kindle Fire.
2. I sometimes wonder who made Dracula.
3. I can’t stand wearing socks that don’t have mates. I perform a marriage ceremony uniting my socks in holy matrimony every time I put on a pair.
4. Every time I go to a truck stop I never see any lot lizards. It’s probably because all the hookers scare them off.
5. Forget Casual Fridays at work; I came up with Clothing Optional Fridays.
6. I sometime feel like life is a dog and I’m its chew toy. But only sometimes; life’s been good to me so far.
7. I have a history of picking on the gullible. I had a roommate whom I convinced that there was indeed a farm that raised boneless chickens. Do I feel bad for doing this? Nope.
Next, I’m supposed to nominate or recommend other bloggers for the award.
MikesFilmTalk, Head In A Vice, Rhino’s Horror, Book Quotes Hub, parlor of horror may all consider themselves nominated.
Finally I have to answer a question:
If you could be killed by a movie serial killer, who would it be and why?
Hannibal Lecter, because at least I know he would get a good meal out of me.
Thank you.
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ROGER EBERT-June 18, 1942-April 4, 2013
“I’ll see you at the movies!”
When Roger Ebert hated a film, there was nothing that could hide his disdain; when he loved a film he would do everything in his power to draw you into its world.
Rest in Peace, Roger; watching movies will not be the same without you.
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OH MY GOSH! I’VE GOT DRAGON’S BREATH AND I’M GOING TO GIVE IT TO FIFTEEN PEOPLE!
OH MY GOSH! I’VE GOT DRAGON’S BREATH AND I’M GOING TO GIVE IT TO FIFTEEN PEOPLE!
My friend Mike over at MikesFilmTalk was nice enough to give me this neat little award:
Oh, wait; did I say Dragon’s Breath? I meant Dragon’s Loyalty. Whatever you call it I certainly appreciate it. Now comes the moment where I reveal a list of 15 bloggers that I feel are deserving of this award as Mike obviously felt that I was. It’s never easy picking only 15 as there are so many amazing blogs out there. But I used a little bit of a system (that I have no intention of revealing) to help me make my decision. So without further blah, blah, blah here are my choices.
Okay, that part’s over. Now all I have to do is let the bloggers know that I’ve chosen them. Well, that’s not all I have to do, dang it. Now comes the part where I have to tell you 7 things about myself. I really hate doing this.
1. The other night when I was driving home I looked in my rear view mirror and for a brief moment I could have swore there was someone in my back seat. I turned and looked but there was no one there.
2. I was Superman for all of ten seconds when I was six. Then I jumped off the roof, sprained my ankle and that was the end of my red-towel-that-passes-for-a cape wearing days.
3. I hate lawn work. I have allergies.
4. I always open the car door for my wife.
5. I bring my wife a cup of coffee in the morning.
6. I never go out to kill anything if I don’t have to.
7. I’m interested in becoming a good cook.
That’s all, folks. Take care and stay scared.
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THE INNKEEPERS (FOR HEAD IN A VICE)
First of all, it feels really fucking weird to be writing a new post. To paraphrase Lennon and McCartney, I’ve been away so long I hardly know what I’m doing anymore. But one thing I have always tried to do is to keep my word to people, especially my friends. I didn’t do that with Ryan, my friend and fellow blogger at Rhino’s Horror and I feel bad about that. I’m not going to repeat the same mistake with Tyson Carter and Head in a Vice. Tyson asked me if I would be part of a series that he’s doing where he has two groups discussing one film. One group will defend their reasons for liking the film; while the other group will do their best to cut the film down with their intense vitriol.
The film I’ve been picked to defend, along with Mike from MikesFilmTalk, is Ti West‘s haunted hotel cum ghost story The Innkeepers. I’ve already reviewed the film once before, so I’m not going to re-hash what the film is about. What Tyson wants, and what I will try to give you, is my reasons for liking the movie. For that I will do my best.
I liked The Innkeepers for one solid reason; the film knows when to build up it’s suspense and when to dial it down a notch or two. Instead of giving us jump scare after jump scare after jump scare, director West gives us a film that is slow paced and deliberate and is all the better for it. One of the main complaints I’ve heard about the Paranormal Activity series is that that nothing happens for the first 80 minutes or so and then everything happens for the last ten minutes. I didn’t get that impression with The Innkeepers. I felt like there was a lot happening throughout the movie; it just happened at it’s own pace; leading us down a dark path, sometimes making us jump and sometimes holding back until the moment was just right.
For better or for worse, that’s why I loved The Innkeepers. It’s been a while and I’m a little rusty; so I hope you will be kind to me.
Thank you.
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ANOTHER AWARD? WOW! THANKS!
Well, my friend and fellow blogger Kim at Tranquil Dreams has been kind enough to present me with the Versatile Blogger Award. I accept the award with the utmost of humility and will of course fulfill my part of the awards process. First of all, I have to display the award certificate on my site. Easy enough; a little copy, a little paste and voila, it’s over there to the left of the page.
I also have to link back to the blogger who nominated me. If you will notice that the words ‘Tranquil’ and ‘Dreams’ are underlined; yep, that’s the link. Again, that was easy enough. Wow, is all of this going to be this easy?
No.
The next step is a hard one. I have to nominate 15 of my fellow bloggers and list them and a link back to their blogs within this post. Why is that so hard? Because I believe all of them deserve an award for their hard work, not just 15.
Alas, the nominees for Versatile Blogger are in no particular order:
The Horrifically Horrifying Horror Blog
“The Light-Bearer Series” Novelist, Emily Guido
Belle Grove Plantation Bed and Breakfast
Okay, so that’s done. Now I just have to send out messages to each of the nominees to let them know.
Now comes the hardest part of this whole process. I have to tell you seven things about me. Oh, joy.
- I love animals. I love cats and dogs equally. My favorite animals are wolves, great white sharks and snow leopards.
- I dreamed I was the owner of a film company that specialized in puppet porn. Before shooting one particular scene I asked Pinocchio if he had ‘wood’ and he looked at me like I was retarded.
- I love to read
- I have a problem differentiating between sporting events. For example, I played a game of chess wearing a mask and a cape. A loss was imminent for me; so I distracted the ref and threw salt in my opponent’s eyes and then re-arranged the pieces in my favor. I then called checkmate and was declared the winner.
- I have all 10 fingers and toes.
- I love the movie Blazing Saddles.
- I just told you 6 things about myself. Telling you I just told you six things about myself is the seventh thing I am telling about myself.
Again, thank you.
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MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE EIGHT: JOHN CARPENTER’S CIGARETTE BURNS
MASTERS OF HORROR SEASON ONE, EPISODE EIGHT: JOHN CARPENTER’S CIGARETTE BURNS-United States-2005
Norman Reedus as Kirby
Udo Kier (R) as Bellinger
Christopher Redman as Willowy Being
Directed by John Carpenter
Written by Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan
I assume that a lot of you read Written in Blood because, first and foremost, you love movies; especially horror movies. I will expand upon that assumption by saying that there are those of you out there who love movies so much that not only do you collect and watch movies, but that you also collect movie memorabilia of various degrees. Along with the hundreds of DVD’s and Blu-rays that I own, I also have some posters; as well as a Planet Terror Cherry Darling action figure still in the original package. My pride and joy is a beautiful ceramic Godzilla statue depicting the lizard king (sorry Jim Morrison, but the Big G will always be the original) from Godzilla vs. Biollante. But enough about all that; this is one of those times where I start with one story to tell you another story. John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns is about the high price of movie collecting and I’m not talking about paying double on eBay for an authentic Iron Man helmet.
Norman Reedus (Mimic, The Walking Dead) is Kirby, a rare films dealer hired by the wealthy Bellinger (Udo Kier, Blade, Suspiria) to find a print of an ultra-rare film called “La Fin Absolue du Monde”, or “The Absolute End of the World”. Upon its premiere, the film set off a homicidal riot and was later believed to be destroyed. Bellinger is convinced that a print of the film exists and shows Kirby proof in the form of the Willowy Being, a humanoid creature that may or may not be an angel. The Being tells Kirby that if the film were truly destroyed then he would know about it. Up to his ass in debt to his late girlfriend’s father, Kirby accepts the job. The closer he gets to the truth, the more he begins to see ‘cigarette burns’ a slang term for the mark on a film that indicates that it will soon be time to change reels. The ‘burns’ are used here to indicate when there will be a shift in the tone of the film and the results of Kirby’s search for “La Fin Absolue Du Monde”. With that, seeing as how I take pride in keep my reviews as spoiler-free as possible, there’s not much else I can tell you about the plot of Cigarette Burns.
This is the second time in the past three years that I’ve watched Cigarette Burns. The first time I had yet to begin writing and therefore took a casual approach to the episode. But, even after watching it with more scrutiny the second time around; I found that I had to sit for a while to be able to collect my feelings about it. It reminds me of a friend of mine who told me that when he went to see Pulp Fiction, he sat in his car in the theater parking lot for twenty minutes pondering on whether he liked the film before finally deciding that he did like it. I understand him now; it took me twenty minutes to determine that I liked Cigarette Burns. It’s the best episode (so far) of Masters of Horror. Norman Reedus carries the film with a charm that I personally don’t think a more well-known actor could have accomplished. Those of you who only know the guy as Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead I would highly recommend to see this episode. There’s a lot more to the guy than a red neck and a crossbow.
Cigarette Burns has an identical plot to Roman Polanski’s thriller The Ninth Gate. One of the main differences being that it is a film and not a book that Kirby is hired to find. The other is that at over two hours I couldn’t wait for The Ninth Gate to end. At the end of 58 minutes, Cigarette Burns left me wanting more.
TRIVIA
The newspaper columnist lives in a secluded house in Carthage, New York. John Carpenter, who directed the movie, was born in Carthage, New York.
½
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HEY, EVERYBODY, I GOT THE VERY INSPIRING BLOGGER AWARD!!
My good friend and fellow blogger Mike over at MikesFilmTalk has gotten the insane notion to present me with the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Personally I think the guy must have eaten way too much Quorn; but I certainly appreciate it!
However, with great power comes great responsibility; so I have to hold up my end of the bargain. So, there are a few things I need to do. Oh, and for the 15 bloggers I nominate for the award, you have to do it, too, should you choose to accept.
1. I have to display the award logo on my blog. That big fancy picture above you and the smaller one to the side fulfills that part of the deal; so, check.
2. I linked back to Mike, the guy who nominated me. Yep!
3. I have to list seven things about myself. Lovely, just lovely.
4. I must nominate 15 bloggers and link back to them. Okay.
5. I must notify the 15 bloggers that I nominated and let them know that I nominated them.
So, I have 1 and 2 accomplished, so…
1. One of the reasons my wife married me is because I rescued a tiny frog from being killed by some unwitting Wal-mart employees. The poor thing was entangled in a dust ball and I released him and they were going to sweep the poor thing to death. I untangled him and put him in the garden section near the ponds.
2. (Holding thumb and forefinger about a millimeter apart) Every year I miss being voted People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive by that much.
3. After last Sunday I now know what it feels like to cut your finger (or thumb) with a large butcher knife. Ouch.
4. If I were a professional wrestler I would definitely be the heel, or the bad guy if you prefer. Heels are way more dimensional in their personas.
5. I suffer from panic attacks.
6. I get overwhelmed in crowds. Crowds wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t so many people.
7. I try not to take life too seriously. But you know what? Sometimes it can get to me no matter how hard I try.
Now, on to Numero Four-o
In no particular order,the Nominees for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award are:
Belle Grove Plantation Bed and Breakfast
I will notify the 15 bloggers and therefore shall fulfill my end of the deal. If you choose to accept then just follow the five rules that I have so graciously laid out for you. Even though I know I can be a bit of a smart ass at times, I truly appreciate this award and accept it with all humility. Thank you.
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IT’S ALIVE (2008)
IT’S ALIVE-United States-2008
Bijou Phillips as Lenore Harker
James Murray as Frank Davis
Directed by Josef Rusnak
Screenplay by Larry Cohen, Paul Sopocy and James Portolese
Based on the film by Larry Cohen
Just before I began writing the review for this movie I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to look and it was me. I said to myself, ‘Yes, what is it?’ I then said to me, ‘Yeah, um, didn’t you just review the 1974 It’s Alive for the post right before the one you did of all the vampire pictures?’ I told myself that I had indeed done just that very thing. I answered myself by asking the question ‘Well, this is basically the same movie as the original film except that it takes place in New Mexico and is a little more gory and shows boobies, right?’ ‘Right, said I to me. So what are we getting at here?’ Then, shockingly, I said, ‘So why not just re-post the same review for the 2008 remake as you did for the 1974 original?’ Shocked and flabbergasted I explained to me that I could never deceive my readers in such a manner as that. They depend on me (kind of) to write reasonably witty and somewhat smart-ass reviews of these dumb as bricks horror movies that should only be shown as punishment in the lower circles of Hell itself. So I told myself, “Listen, you good for nothing son of a bitch, I’m going to write an original review for this remake of a 1974 film about a couple, Frank (James Murray, All The King’s Men) and Lenore (Bijou Phillips, Hostel Part II, Almost Famous) who conceive a child that likes a little flesh and blood mixed in with mommy’s boob milk. Speaking of conception, one has to wonder that with a name like Bijou where exactly she was conceived; perhaps the back seat of a car at a drive-in or in the back row of a movie theater? Anyways, It’s Alive of 2008 is an unnecessary remake of a film that, while fun, just wasn’t that good in the first place. The remake is even worse. I believe writer-director Larry Cohen was trying to get a message across with the 1974 film. I can’t say that he succeeded, but at least he tried. Here writers Cohen, Paul Sopocy, James Portolese and director Josef Rusnak just seem to trying to figure out how many painfully stupid scenes they can pack into an 85 minute movie; the answer is a hell of a lot.
After I explained all this to myself, I understood; and therefore was able to sit down and write my review for It’s Alive, circa 2008. I just hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it.
NO TRIVIA
½
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THE FINAL DESTINATION
THE FINAL DESTINATION-United States-2009
Bobby Campo as Nick
Shantel VanSanten as Lori
Mykelti Williamson as George
Directed by David R. Ellis
Written by Eric Bress
Based on characters created by Jeffrey Reddick
I can’t sleep in a moving car. If I close my eyes I start to imagine everything from 18 wheelers to locomotives bearing down on the vehicle and sending the driver and I mangled and dismembered to the pearly gates. It’s weird, I know; but it happens. It also serves as a good segue into the movie I’m reviewing today; The Final Destination. This is the fourth film in the series and while it is about the final destination, it is not the Final Destination as there has been one more in the series since then. For those of you keeping score the tally so far has been a big fucking plane crash, a big fucking multi-vehicle interstate pileup and in Final Destination 3 we had a big fucking rollercoaster accident. For The Final Destination the accident du jour is a bad fucking day at the stock car races. We’re talking tires decapitating, metal bisecting, rods impaling, dogs and cats living together mass hysteria. This is of course followed by the seven or so people who were supposed to die meeting horrible ends that are all gross and bloody.
Can you tell that I am running out of things to say about this series of movies? Don’t misunderstand me; the Final Destination movies are a guilty pleasure for me. I love watching these movies and seeing the accidents play out. But there is only so much you can say about the damn things. The Final Destination has to be my least favorite of the series. While the beginning accident was pretty cool, the rest of the deaths were just kind of ‘okay’. Face it; people who watch these movies watch them to see what horrible deaths the writers can come up with for the hapless victims. I say that the best so far have been ‘giant pane of glass becomes giant pain in the ass’ in Final Destination 2 and ‘twin tanning bed barbecue’ in Final Destination 3.
So, this brings to a close my reviews for the Final Destination series. That is until they decide to make a number 6 and I find myself racking my brain for something to say. The bad part is that I’m actually looking forward to it.
TRIVIA
The race track is called “McKinley Speedway” which was the name of the Town, High School and character Ian McKinley (Kris Lemche) in Final Destination 3.
The film’s opening titles recreates death scenes from all three of the previous Final Destination films.
When Nick is driving he pulls up to a sign that causes him to have a premonition, the sign is clearly marked Clear Rivers Water. Clear Rivers was a central character in both Final Destination and Final Destination 2.
The Final Destination series began when Flight 180 crashed in Final Destination. At the race track, the victims are seated in area 180 (as shown on a sign behind them) and the video camera footage briefly shows the number on the screen and a bus in the final scene is clearly marked on the roof as number 180.
The first film in the series where the music was not composed by Shirley Walker, as she passed away in 2006.
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TURN OFF THE FAN, I GOT SHIT TO GET OFF MY CHEST
I’m going to come right out and say it; for the past few weeks writing this blog has been like pulling out my wisdom teeth with no anesthetic. I have not wanted to watch any movies and I have certainly not wanted to write about them. For those of you out there who have taken the time to ask why I will be glad to tell you and I intend to be brutally honest.
I was jealous.
I was jealous because I would look at all these other blogs and I would see all these people commenting and ‘liking’ and I would think ‘gee, I never get that many ‘likes’ or comments’. I write and I write and I blog and I blog and I feel like I’m running in circles. I’ve even dropped subtle hints to let people know that I love hearing from them and that I will answer them back. I read other people’s blogs and I try to comment when I have something to say. For the longest time I have loved writing this blog. I love horror movies and I love watching them and writing about them. I may not be Roger Ebert or Joe Bob Briggs but guess what; I don’t want to be. My name is John Mountain and I have my own voice and my own style and for these past few weeks I have let personal jealousy ruin the joy that I have for what I do. Don’t get me wrong; I am not jealous of any of you as human beings. It has been my absolute pleasure to get to know each and every one of you. All of you are excellent at what you do. This is not your fault, this jealousy. The blame lies entirely on my shoulders.
So now what?
Now is when I begin to take control. I will tell myself every day that it doesn’t matter how many ‘likes’ this article got or how many comments that article got. What matters is what I do and why I do it. I am the owner and operator of Written in Blood. There is no other horror film blog out there that is quite like it. It may not be the best and it may not have the most fans, but it is all mine and it is something that I am good at. So in closing I will say that I hope there are no hard feelings from any of you. From now on I will write this blog not because I want to get lots of page views or ‘likes’ or comments but because I am doing something I love and I am pretty motherfucking good at it.
Thank you.
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