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CHILLERAMA

CHILLERAMA-United States-2011

It’s the final night at the last drive-in in America and Cecil B. Kaufman has got it all figured out. This is going to be a night to remember as he features not one, not two, not three but four lost films. Grab your popcorn, hold on to your Pepsi’s. It’s showtime!

WADZILLA

Starring

Adam Rifkin as Miles Munson

Sarah Mutch as Louise

Owen Benjamin as Larry

Ray Wise as Dr. Weems

Written and Directed by Adam Rifkin

Adam Rifkin stars as Miles Munson, a man with a way less than regular sperm count. A normal man’s sperm can be counted in the millions; Miles’ sperm can be counted in the one. But after he begins taking an experimental drug prescribed to him by Dr. Weems, oh what a sperm it is! It grows to gargantuan proportions and seeks out the only ovum big enough for its massive load-the Statue of Liberty! Will Wadzilla prevail, or will the military, led by General Bukkake, arrive in time to save the day?

I swear to God I am not making this shit up, folks. I can assure you that you have not seen anything until you’ve seen the Statue of Liberty strip down to pasties and a g-string and rub her torch between her breasts. Wadzilla is every bit as ridiculous as it sounds and is a fun way to get things started.

TRIVIA

Adam Rifkin did all of his own stunts in the “Wadzilla” segment.

The background plates of New York City for the segment “Wadzilla” were taken at the Universal Studios back lot in California.

I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR

Written and Directed by Tim Sullivan

Starring Sean Paul Lockhart as Ricky

Anton Troy as Talon

Gabrielle West as Peggy Lou

Lin Shaye as Nurse Maleva

Even a boy who thinks he’s straight/yet shaves his balls by night/may become a werebear when the hormones rage/and the latent urge takes flight-Nurse Maleva

Sean Paul Lockhart has been called ‘the Traci Lords of gay porn’. It’s right there on the Internet Movie Database, look it up. In “I Was a Teenage Werebear”, Lockhart plays Ricky; a young man with the ‘urge to purge’ and with feelings he just can’t get a handle on. But after he meets Talon he becomes that which he fears he is the most-a teenage werebear!!

Okay, so I know there’s a message here about showing tolerance and respect to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. But couldn’t they have been a little more subtle? To put it mildly, “I Was a Teenage Werebear” is about as subtle as Jason Voorhees at a ballet recital. There are so many gay dick references in this film I had to make sure somebody didn’t switch DVD’s on me. If you weren’t aware that director Tim Sullivan is openly gay before watching this then you will be afterward. After the strong opening of “Wadzilla”, Chillerama took a downward spiral with this one.

TRIVIA

Filming for the Segment ‘I Was a Teenage Werebear’ was almost shut down due to the location sheriff not approving to the content of the script.

Thomas Dekker was considered for the part of Ricky for the “I Was a Teenage Werebear” segment.

Tim Sullivan replaced another actor at the last minute for the segment “I Was a Teenage Werebear.”

THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANKENSTEIN

Starring

Joel David Moore as Adolf Hitler

Kristina Klebe as Eva Braun

Kane Hodder as Meshugannah

Written and Directed by Adam Green

Did you know that Anne Frank was once Anne Frankenstein? Did you know that the family name was shortened to separate them from the atrocities created by her ancestor, Victor? Well, if you didn’t you sure as hell do now. Joel David Moore is the Führer who creates an all too Jewish monster to help him win the war. Kane Hodder plays the monster Meshugannah, who can kill Nazis, put together jigsaw puzzles of puppies and get you back $200 extra on your income taxes. I don’t know whether this is a ‘so bad it’s bad’ movie or a ‘so bad it’s really bad’ movie. What I do know is that it’s quite possibly the strangest role Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees, Victor Crowley) has ever played.

Best line-

Hitler to soldier-”Here. Write depressing stuff in this as if the little girl wrote it. We’ll sell it after the war and make millions.”

TRIVIA

Kristina Klebe and her mother translated the script for “The Diary of Anne Frankenstein” segment into German for all the German-speaking cast members.

Joel David Moore learned some German for his role as Adolf Hitler. However, a majority of the lines Hitler says in the film are not German.

The blood in the segment “The Diary of Ann Frankenstein” was really chocolate syrup.

½

ZOM-B-MOVIE

Starring

Corey Jones as Toby

Kaili Thorne as Mayna

Brendan McCreary as Ryan

Miles Dougal as Floyd

Richard Riehle as Cecil Kaufman

Written and Directed by Joe Lynch

The last film in the series was intended to be “Deathication”. However, while that horror movie is playing, a real horror movie breaks out at the drive-in. One of the employees is turned into a zombie after having his balls bitten off by his dead wife. He relieves himself by using popcorn butter as lubrication. This in turn causes the blue junk seeping from his groin to drop into said butter and is thus distributed to the hundreds of patrons. After that you have a small zombie apocalypse. But these zombies don’t want to eat you, they want to have sex with you. I swear to God I am not making this shit up. Is it tasteless? Yes. Is it offensive? Probably. Is it good? Oh, hell no.

TRIVIA

The Kaufman drive-in theater is named after Lloyd Kaufman.

The drive-in theater location was an actual working drive-in.

 What starts off as a strong contender in the B-movie genre drops off into oblivion with it’s second (“I Was a Teenage Werebear”) and fourth (“Zom-B-Movie”) installments. I think the problem was not in the subject matter, but in the fact that it seems as if the filmmakers go out of their way to offend.

Overall Rating: 

Note: I apologize for there not being any cast photos.

 

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CLOVERFIELD

CLOVERFIELD-United States-85 Mins. 2008

Lizzy Caplan as Marlena Diamond
Jessica Lucas as Lily Ford
T.J. Miller as Hudson ‘Hud’ Platt
Michael Stahl-David as Rob Hawkins
Mike Vogel as Jason Hawkins
Odette Yustman as Beth McIntyre
Directed by Matt Reeves
Written by Drew Goddard

    Cloverfield is a hybrid of a film that teeter-totters precariously on the line between American style kaiju (giant monster) horror and good old science fiction films ala’ The Beast From 20000 Fathoms. It is a film about an attack on the many as documented by the few. A group of twenty something’s are throwing a party for one of their own who is going away to live in Japan when they experience what they at first believe is an earthquake. It turns out to be a lot more than an earthquake and the rest of the film revolves around the six main characters attempting to rescue a friend and simultaneously try to stay alive themselves. The party, and then the attack, is chronicled from the lens of a hand held video camera. It’s odd watching as we first see video testimonies from the upwardly mobile young crowd segue-way into scenes of destruction and carnage. It’s easy to see why the film could be considered a metaphor for the 9/11 attacks; the enemy is at first unknown and the initial show of force is on a treasured landmark, in the film it’s the Statue of Liberty. 9/11 occurred merely seven years prior to the release of Cloverfield. We are just beginning to heal from that day in 2011, so one only imagines how deep the wounds ran in 2008.

Cloverfield is the American Godzilla movie that the (Roland)Emmerich Godzilla movie should have been. Emmerich’s  film was more about Matthew Broderick acting cute, Jean Reno acting embarrassed and GINO (Godzilla In Name Only) wanting to crawl into a hole and die. Cloverfield is more about the people than the monster. It is about what they do in the face of adversity and the decisions they make when hard pressed. They don’t always make the right choices, but, hey, that’s life.

TRIVIA

The first trailer for this movie played before Transformers. It showed a giant explosion in the heart of New York City and the Statue of Liberty’s head being thrown down a street. It was shot with a hand-held video recorder. There was no title.

The title “Cloverfield”; initially just a codename for the movie, is named for the boulevard in Santa Monica where the Bad Robot offices were located during the making of the film.

The decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty in the street is inspired by the poster for John Carpenter’s Escape from New York, which depicts the head of the Statue of Liberty lying in the middle of the street.

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