THIR13EEN GHOSTS-United States/Canada-2001

Directed by Steve Beck

Story by Robb White

Screenplay by Neal Marshall Stevens and Richard D’Ovidio

First of all, this film will be referred to as Thirteen Ghosts for the rest of this review. The fancy spelling with the numbers in the middle was for cute effect or some shit like that. This review will be brief. In fact, this review will be a list of all that’s wrong with this movie. That would be namely everything.

1. Why was this film even remade? It’s merely an inferior copy of a film that wasn’t all that good in the first place.

2. You would think that a film that contains all these nasty looking ghosts with all these homicidal tendencies would have some decent gore to it. “You would think” is the key part of that sentence. The only decent kill scene is that of the lawyer and his death is merely a watered down version of the ‘cable slicing through the crowd’ scene in Ghost Ship. For an R-rated film you would think Thirteen Ghosts was sucking the tit of PG-13.

3. The story is ludicrous and merely serves as a road map for what amounts to nothing more than fun house roller coaster moments. What can we do to the characters as we take them from Jump scene A to Jump Scene B?

4. Don’t even get me started on the casting. Tony Shalhoub and F. Murray Abraham should have known better, Shannon Elizabeth looks lost and Matthew Lillard is wishing he were starring in Scream again. Oh, and let’s not forget Rah Digga as the token black character who spouts witty things about white people and not doing windows. That’s not me being racist. No, that dishonor goes to the filmmakers.

So, there you have it. Thirteen Ghosts is all kinds of suck. Take care and stay scared.


The special effects and sound mixing were so elaborate in this film, that many people claimed that the movie was physically painful to sit through.

The effect for “The Torso” was achieved using a double amputee wearing a special black hood that could be used to digitally remove his head.

Shawna Loyer attracted a small cult following thanks to her brief role as the Angry Princess. A rumor circulated that the role was actually played by porn actress Aria Giovanni using a pseudonym, but this is incorrect (Ms. Giovanni was in an adult parody titled Thirteen Erotic Ghosts.

“The Withered Lover” is the fourth ghost of the Black Zodiac. She is seen walking with an IV with her. IV in Roman Numerals is equal to four.

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