Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino checks into rehab for rest and recuperation.

Wait; is that rest and recuperation for him or for us? That’s a tough one to call.

Crying 4 year old boy meets hoops hero.

The kid goes on YouTube and voila! What’s next? Crying 50 year old man meets Salma Hayek?

The worst things you can eat.

Octogenarian ladies rejoice! You’re not on the list.

Jersey Shore to film with pregnant Wookie.

Oops! My bad!

Michael Jackson’s ‘Who’s Loving You?’ covered by 10 year old girls.

We will now observe 30 seconds of silence for an untold joke that would have gotten me in trouble in the first place.

Sofia Vergara: “There’s nothing slutty about a dental floss bikini.”

She’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I’m wearing one right now and I don’t feel slutty at all. Overexposed, but not slutty.

Monster ‘titanoboa ‘snake invades New York.

Yeah, I know, stupid name. But wouldn’t ‘Big Damned Snake’ be even sillier?

Suri Cruise wears pajamas to dinner in NYC

First of all, how is this news? Secondly, how is it any different from the millions of people who wear their pajama bottoms to convenience stores all across the country?

Marston Hefner: Hugh Hefner’s son pleads no contest to Claire Sinclair domestic violence case.

Hugh should have named his penis ‘Marston’. Sure sounds like the name of a dick to me.

And finally, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi has admitted to undergoing painful daily electrolysis treatments. The brave Jersey Shore star posted a before picture on her Twitter page to let her fans know the trauma that she goes through each and every day. Here for your viewing pleasure is that very same photo:

WARNING: It’s really graphic

Take care and stay scared, everybody!




Aloha, Mister Hand

Showgirls has been called the worst movie ever. Well, that’s just not true. While I have serious misgivings about endorsing such a clearly misogynistic film, I felt compelled to at least defend it in some way. Despite the mostly horrible acting on the part of about 98% of the cast, there really is a story there. It’s set in Vegas, and is about strippers and showgirls, so going in, you know it is going to be flamboyant, ostentatious, and way over the top. So don’t act as though you went into this expecting Sophie’s Choice, or something. As you guys know by now, I try to see the story within the story. Either that, or I just think about stuff too much. Probably a bit of both.

We all know Nomi. While I felt strange seeing Jessie Spano’s vagina, I think she is a compassionate character deep down. She truly feels she is a…

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