SPIDERS-United States-2013


Directed by Tibor Takács

Story by Dustin Warburton and Boaz Davidson

Screenplay by Joseph Farrugia and Tibor Takács

What a tangled web we weave

A space station crash lands in New York City and pretty soon the subway, and later the city, is overrun by intelligent, Volkswagen sized spiders that attack and kill everything in their path. It appears that the powers that be want the eight-legged freaks for some kind of weapons campaign. It’s up to New York Transit Supervisor Jason (Patrick Muldoon, Starship TroopersMilf Money) and his ex-wife and health department official Rachel (Christa Campbell, The Wicker ManThe Iceman) to save the day. But first they have to rescue his daughter Emily (Sydney Sweeney, The WardZombies of Mass Destruction) and get past all those military guys trying to shoot them, one of which is William Hope aka Lt. Gorman from Aliens. If I lived in New York City I wouldn’t have the heart to tell them that they also have the queen arachnid to worry about.

…when first we practice to deceive…

It’s a bad day for thespians when the CGI created spiders are better actors than their human co-stars. Patrick Muldoon attempts and fails one of the worst New York accents I’ve ever heard. Christa Campbell is pretty and that is all that she is; I suggest that she do lots of nude and bikini-clad photo shoots while she still has the looks because acting talent or lack thereof is not going to pay her bills. William Hope returns in what is basically a carbon copy of his role in Aliens. He should be happy he’s getting even this level of work; his IMDb.com profile lists a whole bunch of Thomas the Tank Engine episodes.

Spider, man!!!

I have to admit I was pretty damned impressed with the spiders in the movie. They’re big, nasty looking critters and the CGI tends to do them justice. The smaller ones are bad enough; but it’s the queen that is a true sight to behold. With a body as big as a city block and legs the size of sequoias, this big bitch is going to take New York City by storm. If you get bored and decide to watch this movie, all I can tell you is don’t watch for the acting or the story because that does not exist as we are used to the definition. However, if you’re the type of film fanatic that uses the expression, ‘Ooooh, big spiders, big spiders, yay!!’ then by all means have fun.

There is NO TRIVIA for this film; however I can tell you that no gigantic, big honkin’ spiders were harmed during the making of this film.



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