ALL CHEERLEADERS DIE-United States-90 Mins. 2013


Caitlin Stasey as Maddy Killian in All Cheerleaders Die

Caitlin Stasey as Maddy Killian in All Cheerleaders Die

Sianoa Smit-McPhee as Leena Miller in All Cheerleaders Die

Sianoa Smit-McPhee as Leena Miller in All Cheerleaders Die

Brooke Butler as Tracy Bingham in All Cheerleaders Die

Brooke Butler as Tracy Bingham in All Cheerleaders Die

Tom Williamson as Terry Stankus in All Cheerleaders Die

Tom Williamson as Terry Stankus in All Cheerleaders Die

Directed and Written by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson

It’s been a few hours since I watched All Cheerleaders Die and I’m still trying to figure it out. Seriously, a cheerleader movie-any cheerleader movie-should consist of cheerleaders running around in skimpy cheerleader clothes acting like bimbos while all the boys with their raging hormones chase after them hoping to nail them. That is the balance that lies within the heart of a cheerleader movie. However, with that being said let it also be said that All Cheerleaders Die is co-directed by Lucky McKee. Lucky is the (evil? sick? twisted?) genius behind May, The Woman and The Woods, as well as the Masters of Horror episode, “Sick Girl“. If you saw any of those films then do you believe for one second that he’s going to co-direct a normal cheerleader film (with Chris Sivertson)? All Cheerleaders Die is a cheerleader-lesbian-witchcraft-sort of zombie, sort of vampire-revenge movie that will, in the first two minutes have you saying, “What the f*ck?!?”

At the risk of sounding like I lifted the plot summary of All Cheerleaders Die from an outside source let me just say that at the heart the movie is about a cheerleading squad that seeks revenge on their high school football team. It is the smaller parts that make that heart beat and that give the film its charm. After her friend Lexi dies performing a stunt, Maddy seeks revenge on Terry, Lexi’s boyfriend and leader of the team, for dating Tracy, the captain of the cheerleading squad, before Lexi’s body has had time to grow cold, so to speak. Maddy does this by first making Tracy doubt Terry’s fidelity and by seducing Tracy herself. There is an argument at a party that leads to a car crash and Maddy, Tracy and two other cheerleaders, Hannah and Martha, are killed. This is where it gets weird. Maddy’s ex-girlfriend Leena is a witch. Leena performs a pagan ritual and brings the girls back to life with only two complications: Hannah and Martha now reside in each other’s bodies in Freaky Friday fashion; and all four of the girls have a hunger for human blood. Hmm, now where can they find human blood? How about from the football players that caused them to crash and die in the first place?

Looking at the poster for All Cheerleaders Die there is a disclaimer at the bottom that reads “Based on the original film All Cheerleaders Die“. Yes, there was a film released in 2001 that was also entitled All Cheerleaders Die and that was also directed by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson.

Here is the Wikipedia summary of the 2001 film:

A group of high school football players get into an argument with their cheerleader girlfriends over the difficulty of their respective sports. The cheerleaders insist that it’s difficult to form a human pyramid while the players insist that their boot camp is more strenuous. As a result the players decide to set up a camping weekend with the idea of putting the girls through football training. This turns out to be a bad idea, as one of the cheerleaders ends up beating one of the footballers in a scrimmage game, who then ends up severely beating her. The girls try to escape, only to fall off a cliff and die. Panicked, the players assume that the girls are either dead or dying, and run off in the hopes that nobody will discover what has happened. Unbeknownst to them, one of the girls has survived and later returns at a high school reunion to seek revenge. She summons the zombified remains of her dead friends and one by one, picks off the football players.

Is it me, or does that sound flat and uninteresting? McKee and Sivertson were smart to wait 12 years before remaking All Cheerleaders Die. It may not be the perfect cheerleader-lesbian-witchcraft-sort of zombie, sort of vampire-revenge movie and it may not be the first but it just might be the best cheerleader-lesbian-witchcraft-sort of zombie, sort of vampire-revenge movie that we’ve got. That is, until McKee and Sivertson decide to get weirder in another 12 years.


One of the locations for the filming of All Cheerleaders Die was Cathedral High School, at 1253 Bishops Road, near China Town, in Los Angeles, California. This school was founded in 1925, and is located on what was the old Calvary Cemetery prior to 1900. This high school was designated Los Angeles Historic-Cultural Monument 281 in 1984. Its athletes are nicknamed the Phantoms, because of the school’s location on top of a cemetery.



Caitlin Stasey also stars in Tomorrow, When the War Began and I, Frankenstein.

Sianoa Smit-McPhee also appears in Touchback and Mall.

Brooke Butler also appears in Retribution (TV).

Tom Williamson also appears in Dark Nights.

Michael Bowen (not shown) also appears in Kill Bill: Vol. 1, Jackie Brown and as Uncle Jack he was the scumbag who shot  Hank Schrader on Breaking Bad.



THE WOODS-United States/United Kingdom/Germany-91 Mins. 2006


Agnes Bruckner as Heather Fasulo in The Woods

Agnes Bruckner as Heather Fasulo in The Woods

Patricia Clarkson as Ms. Traverse in The Woods

Patricia Clarkson as Ms. Traverse in The Woods

Rachel Nichols as Samantha Wise in The Woods

Rachel Nichols as Samantha Wise in The Woods

Bruce Campbell as Joe Fasulo in The Woods

Bruce Campbell as Joe Fasulo in The Woods

Directed by Lucky McKee

Written by David Ross

The woods are deadly, dark and deep…

Robert Frost

“Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” (paraphrased)

I find myself in a bad mood when my brain will not communicate with my fingers to put the right words onscreen for a film review. My wife, seeing this and wanting me calm, will always ask me the same series of questions.

What movie did you watch?

The movie in question this time is The Woods. It stars Agnes Bruckner, Patricia Clarkson, Rachel Nichols and Bruce Campbell.

What is the plot?

As the opening credits roll to Lesley Gore softly singing “Young and Foolish” we get our first glimpse of Heather Fasulo as she pours gasoline around the base of a tree and then sets fire to it. We later learn that she nearly set fire to her house and for that we watch as she is in the car with her parents on the way to the Falburn Academy, an all-girl boarding school nestled in the woods of New England. The year is 1965.

Heather, rebellious and hurt by her parent’s decision to send her away, meets the somewhat mysterious Ms. Traverse and the rest of her equally enigmatic staff including Ms. Mackinaw and Ms. Leland. She makes friends with the mousy Marcy Turner and finds a quick enemy in Samantha Wise, the school bully. It’s a typical school with the same ordinary rules, regulations, cliques and friendships as any other. At least that is what we would be led to believe. Heather hears voices coming from the woods and has strange visions of witches and axes and blood and gore. Then, one by one, the students begin to disappear with only a pile of leaves in the shape of their bodies being found in their beds the next morning. Are Ms. Traverse and her staff secretly witches? Are the woods alive? As for Heather, will she be the next one to be taken in the night-never to be seen again?

Did you like the movie?

Yes I did. The Woods is directed by Lucky McKee. McKee is the same director who brought us the disturbing and somewhat sad May and the unflinchingly brutal The Woman. I’ve never been dissatisfied with anything McKee has done and The Woods is no exception. The gore is dialed way down for the film-almost to the point of it feeling like a TV movie instead of a feature film and that’s fine. The Woods is a good film that left me feeling satisfied throughout and that I was pleased with as once again we hear Lesley Gore-this time as she sings “You Don’t Own Me” over the end credits.

Is there anything that stands out about the movie to you?

Not so much about the movie as for the minor controversy that the film unwittingly caused. The Woods was the film that caused director M. Night Shyamalan to change the name of his 2004 film from “The Woods” to The Village.

Why does this stand out above everything else about The Woods?

Because the Shyamalan film, despite its being horrible, is the one that received all the attention, even if most of it was negative. The Woods sat on the shelf for three years before being released and if you mention the two films in the same sentence to someone most have heard of The Village while few even knew The Woods existed. It’s a pity; The Woods is a superior film that I believe will stand the test of time. The Village is memorable only for its director and his predictable ‘twist’ endings. Send me into the woods in The Village and I’ll come out skipping and laughing; send me into the forest in The Woods and I will not come out at all and you will hear me screaming deep within them.

Anyway, that’s what she does and I am usually able to find the right words. I guess I’m just strange that way.


The teachers all have names that are Northern Lower Peninsula Michigan towns – Charlevoix, Mackinac, (Glen) Arbor, Traverse.


Agnes Bruckner also appears in Blood & Chocolate and Murder by Numbers.

Patricia Clarkson also appears in Shutter Island and The Green Mile.

Rachel Nichols also appears in Raze and Rage.

Bruce Campbell also appears in Bubba Ho-tep and Army of Darkness.


JUG FACEUnited States-81 Mins. 2013


Lauren Ashley Carter as Ada in Jug Face

Lauren Ashley Carter as Ada in Jug Face

Sean Bridgers as Dawai in Jug Face

Sean Bridgers as Dawai in Jug Face

Sean Young as Loriss in Jug Face

Sean Young as Loriss in Jug Face

Larry Fessenden as Sustin in Jug Face

Larry Fessenden as Sustin in Jug Face

Daniel Manche as Jessaby in Jug Face

Daniel Manche as Jessaby in Jug Face

Directed and written by Chad Crawford Kinkle

You’re going to have to bear with me for this one; it’s going to take a lot of explaining. I shall begin at the beginning; we see a young girl, Ada (Lauren Ashley Carter, The Woman, Premium Rush) in a sexual liaison with a young man, Jessaby (Daniel Manche, The Girl Next Door, I Sell the Dead). Later, we find out that Ada has been chosen by Bodey (Mathieu Whitman) to be his wife and be the mother of his children. She just has to be pure, that is all. Refer to the part about her fornicating with Jessaby and you’ll have the answer to that one. What we haven’t found out up to this moment is that Jessaby is her brother. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are talking some backwoods shenanigans going on here.

Meanwhile, Dawai (Sean Bridgers, The Woman, Sweet Home Alabama), a simpleton, is spinning a jug out on his potter’s wheel. This is where it gets weird; as if incest wasn’t weird enough. There is a place called the Pit and there is a creature in the Pit that heals the people as long as it gets what it wants and what it wants is a sacrifice every now and then. The way the people know who to sacrifice to the pit is through Dawai; the Pit gives him a face and he makes a jug. Whoever’s face is on the jug is sacrificed to the Pit. This time the face on the Jug is Ada’s. Ada finds the jug and hides it; thereby angering the Pit. “The Pit wants what it wants”, she hears continually from Loriss (Sean Young, Blade Runner, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) and Sustin (Larry Fessenden, Habit, We Are What We Are), her mother and the keeper of the Pit, respectively. Pretty soon Ada is seeing the smoky apparition of a boy and seeing through the Pit’s eyes who it intends to take until she comes forward and makes things right by taking her position as the next sacrifice. End of story; or at least as much as I am willing to tell you.

Aside from the incest and the strange religious beliefs of the backwoods characters in Jug Face, the thing that I found weirdest of all was that I actually liked the movie. I liked the flow of the film and the cadence of the speech of the characters. I liked the redneck drama and the subtle moments of gore when the Pit would take someone. Jug Face isn’t a classic film; hell, it’s not even a great movie. The plot of the film fills the movie nicely; but the length of Jug Face (81 Minutes) makes it seem more like an extended episode of a TV show than that of a motion picture. Still, the acting is good and we get to see a mini-reunion of actors who have appeared in films either based on books by Jack Ketchum (The Woman, The Girl Next Door) or directed by Lucky McKee (The Woman). Just for that fact alone raises my appreciation for Jug Face. If only it didn’t have that ‘incest is best, put your sister to the test’ thing going for it.


Potter and sculptor, Jason Mahlke, designed and created the Face Jugs for the film.



THE ABC’S OF DEATH-United States/New Zealand-2012


Directed by Nacho Vigalondo (“A is for Apocalypse”), Adrián García Bogliano (“B is for Bigfoot“), Ernesto Diaz Espinoza (“C is for Cycle”), Marcel Sarmiento (“D is for Dogfight”), Angela Bettis (“E is for Exterminate”), Noboro Iguchi (“F is for Fart”), Andrew Traucki (“G is for Gravity”), Thomas Cappelen Malling (“H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion”), Jorge Michael Grau (“I is for Ingrown”), Yidai Yamaguchi (“J is for Jidai-geki“), Anders Morgenthaler (“K is for Klutz”), Timo Tjahjanto (“L is for Libido”), Ti West (“M is for Miscarriage”), Banjong Pisanthanakun (“N is for Nuptials”), Bruno Forzani and Hélène Cattet (“O is for Orgasm”), Simon Rumley (“P is for Pressure”), Adam Wingard (“Q is for Quack”), Srdjan Spasojevic (“R is for Removed”), Jake West (“S is for Speed”), Lee Hardcastle (“T is for Toilet”), Ben Wheatley (“U is for Unearthed”), Kaare Andrews (“V is for Vagitus”), Jon Schnepp (“W is for WTF?”), Xavier Gens (“X is for XXL”), Jason Eisener (“Y is for Youngbuck”), Yoshihiro Nishimura (“Z is for Zetsumetsu”)

Written by Adrian Garcia Bogliano (“B is for Bigfoot”), Noboru Iguchi (“F is for Fart”), Yudai Yamaguchi (“J is for Jidai-geki”), Lee Hardcastle (“T is for Toilet”), Kaare Andrews (“V is for Vagitus”), Jon Schnepp (“W is for WTF?”), Yoshihiro Nishimura (“Z is for Zetsumetsu”), Simon Barrett, Hélène Cattet, Bruno Forzani, Simon Rumley, Srdjan Spasojevic, Nacho Vigalondo, Dimitrije Vojnov, Ti West

Does anyone remember The Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey? It was an Alphabet book in which Gorey would begin with a child’s name (A is for Alice), said child’s demise (who fell down the stairs) in a way that rhymes with the demise of the next child (B is for Basil assaulted by bears). Get the picture? If you do then you get the premise, so to speak, of The ABC’s of Death; an anthology film with 26 segments directed by 26 directors and written by 15 writers. For me, anthology films have always been a bit of a pain in the ass to review. Do I review the film as a whole; or by each individual story? How much wordage do I allot to each story? A film such as Twilight Zone the Movie with its 4 stories is reason for me to climb walls and mumble; 26 stories should be just enough to make me gouge out my eyes and become a chronic masturbator. In order to avoid that I figure what I will do is dedicate a small portion of wordage to each segment and give the film as a whole the blood drop rating that has been my method ever since I began writing reviews. Does any of that make sense? For all that is good and fair in this world I certainly hope so.

“A is for Apocalypse”

A man is lying in bed when a woman, presumably his wife, enters the room and brutally stabs him with a butcher knife, throws hot cooking grease in his face and bludgeons him with a cast iron skillet while he gazes at her not with a look of ‘why are you doing this?’; but instead his look inquires more as to ‘what the hell are you doing?’ She tells him that she has been poisoning him for a year and it wasn’t supposed to end like this. Outside we hear the sounds of tires squealing, cars crashing and it all fades to red. Yawn.

“B is for Bigfoot”

I’m sure a lot of guys have had this problem at one point or another; you’re trying to score with your girl only to be headed off at the pass by her kid. So, what do you do? You put the kid to bed and tell her to go to sleep or else a monster is going to get her. Which monster? Maybe it’s the Abominable Snowman, or maybe it’s Bigfoot. It may even be the Snowman from Mexico. After all, it’s all make-believe; you just want the little brat to go to bed, right? This one is even worse than “A is for Apocalypse”.

“C is for Cycle”

Your wife hears a noise and sends you to investigate. You do, finding nothing. You come back to bed only to find another man sleeping next to your wife. That man is you; your wife hears a noise and sends you to investigate. It’s slightly confusing, but still better than the first two segments. The actor portraying the husband does a passable Anton Chigurh impression.

“D is for Dog”

This is a definite commentary on the brutality of UFC and MMA fighting. If men are in cages like dogs then have them fight like dogs and fight dogs. Nice little twist at the end. Not sure about the kid in the diaper.

“E is for Exterminate”

Looks like Angela Bettis has been taking lessons from Lucky McKee (Sick Girl). She’s learned well; I broke out the bug spray by the time this one was over. I also loved how she managed to incorporate an old urban legend into the mix.

“F is for Fart”

My wife says that I’m weird. She has not seen weird until she has seen “F is for Fart.” There really are people out there who have a flatulence fetish. Don’t ask me how I know this; I know a lot of things.

“G is for Gravity”

Was there a point to this one? I thought I was watching a Laird Hamilton bio-pic for a bit there. This one was dumb. Move along folks, nothing to see here.

“H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion”

Nazis and furries; who’d-a thunk it? This one was definitely the funniest so far. My wife was asking me about the ‘furry’ lifestyle the other day. I told her it was a slang term for people who attend an excessive amount of dog and cat shows.

“I is for Ingrown”

This one might have been more interesting if we had known, as the late Paul Harvey was fond of saying, ‘the rest of the story.’ It’s only disturbing like this. By the way, for the rest of story watch the credits for this segment at the end of the movie.

“J is for Jidai-geki”

According to the all-seeing know-it-alls at Wikipedia, Jidaigeki is a genre of Japanese film, TV and theater; they are period dramas usually set in the Edo period of Japanese history from 1603-1868. A samurai movie, if you will. This is a brief, twisted tribute to that genre and it’s not bad.

“K is for Klutz”

You ever have that one turd that will just not flush no matter what you do? I think this segment may be about that particular problem. It may be about something even heavier. I recommend taking lots of illegal substances while watching.

“L is for Libido”

WTF? This one is just wrong on every conceivable level. It is neither horror nor entertaining. I hated it.

“M is for Miscarriage”

I knew this was a Ti West (The House of the Devil, The Innkeepers) segment as soon as I saw the grainy 1980’s VHS quality film technique. The title is exactly what it means. West’s was one of two directors whose segments I was most interested in seeing. The other was Angela Bettis. I think Bettis has the edge here.

“N is for Nuptials”

The most hilarious segment so far as well as a cautionary tale; if you have a bird that can talk then be very careful what you let it hear. I know this from experience with a Quaker parrot I owned that picked up the F-word from my (sometimes) potty mouth.

“O is for Orgasm”

I read somewhere that an orgasm is like experiencing a little bit of death. At least that’s how I remember it. I had no idea it was also like blowing bubbles out of your mouth, burning Barbie dolls with cigarettes and being tied down with leather. Have I been missing something?

“P is for Pressure”

A good mother will do anything she can to make her child happy. The key word in that sentence is ‘anything’. This one takes a hard left at the end.

“Q is for Quack”

“How do we make our ABC’s of Death segment stand out?” asks director Adam Wingard (V/H/S, A Horrible Way to Die) to writer Simon Barrett. Easy, break down the 4th wall, feature a mix of gunplay and social commentary and throw in a really cute duck for good measure. Quack, quack.

“R is for Removed”

I think this one is homage to Russian cinema. I may be wrong; and if I am I am sure people will let me know. I have no opinion of it one way or the other.

“S is for Speed”

A druggie segment that pays homage to Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Robert Rodriguez and “An Appointment in Samarra.” I loved this one as much as I hated “L is for Libido”.

“T is for Toilet”

This one is funny despite the fact that I despise Claymation. It’s not as funny as “N is for Nuptials”; but it’s still funny.

“U is for Unearthed”

I was beginning to wonder when we would see a traditional monster tale. Thank you, Ben Wheatley (Kill ListA Field in England) for this nifty little vampire tale.

“V is for Vagitus”

Vagitus is a newborn child’s first cry. On rare occasions it’s happened even before the child leaves the womb. Here I thought this one was going to be a “Don’t fuck with Canada” propaganda segment and instead I learned something new.

“W is for WTF?”

A comment on a phrase we use with alarming regularity nearly every day. The only way to comment on such a phrase is to feature a segment that makes us say exactly that: “What the f*ck?”

“X is for XXL”

There’s a song by Lou Reed called “Harry’s Circumcision”. It’s about a man who mutilates his face because he fears that he is turning into the image of his parents. Director Xavier Gens (Frontier(s)The Divide) directs this segment on the basis of the term ‘image is everything.’ It’s a bloody good one.

“Y is for Youngbuck”

There’s not one word of dialogue in this Jason Eisener (Hobo with a Shotgun) tale about a deer-slaying pedophile. There’s no need for dialogue; it’s disturbing enough without it.

“Z is for Zetsumetsu”

Leave it to the Japanese to make a commentary on war using food porn, Nazi blonde bitches with giant penises, and a vegetable-shooting vagina. Holy crap.

The ABC’s of Death is an uneven mess of a film with a few gems thrown in to the mix. I can’t recommend it to anyone and still keep a good conscience. See it at your own risk.


The child featured on the movie poster is the son of director Kaare Andrews. He is also featured in Andrews’ segment in the film.

The characters name ‘Frau Scheisse’ means literally translated ‘Mrs. Shit” in German.






Angela Bettis as Ida Teeter


Erin Brown (Misty Mundae) as Misty Falls

Directed by Lucky McKee

Story by Sean Hood

Teleplay by Sean Hood and Lucky McKee

I read a blurb somewhere that said that Lucky McKee’s contribution to Masters of Horror, Sick Girl, was about the dangers of rushing into relationships too quickly. Having watched the episode a few years ago, I re-played as much as I could remember in that thing I call a brain and I thought, “That’s not what it’s about. That’s just dumb.” Then I re-watched Sick Girl for this review and all I can say is son of a bitch that’s exactly what it’s about. I believe at some time or another we’ve all dove headlong into a relationship and then had it bite us in the ass when the person turns out to be way less than the sum of their parts. I know I have and so has my wife. Hell, she insisted we live together for a year before deciding whether we wanted to get married. Why? Because her last husband was a verbally abusive douche bag, that’s why. Having been the king of fast relationships I was more than happy to take it slow and it certainly paid off in the long run. I love my wife. I also realize I just told you way more information than you need to know. Let’s move on.

Ida Teeter (Angela Bettis, The Woman, and May) is a lonely entomologist desperate to find the right person to share her life with. She meets Misty (Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae, The Rage, An Erotic Werewolf in London), a pretty young girl, and they hit it off and are living together before you know it. In the meantime, Ida also receives a package containing a mysterious and aggressive species of insect. The only way to describe this bug is that it is butt ugly and eats Pomeranians. The mystery bug infests Misty; and we soon notice a change in her behavior from sweet innocent hippie chick to cruel and mocking bitch. The change occurs after she moves in with Ida, and that is where I can understand it as the metaphor for going too fast with the matters of the heart. That girl or guy that you meet and date might be great in small doses, but all that can change once they settle in for the long haul. But again, I am digressing a bit.

On the surface, Sick Girl, despite its metaphorical leanings, could have easily been just an average episode of Masters of Horror. Could have been, had it not had an actress with the talent of Angela Bettis to carry the film. There is something about the woman that I find so charming and I feel that she is by far one of the most underrated actresses in the business today. Her acting is so vibrant and yet so tragic that she never fails to weave a small piece of her personality into the fabric of her characters.

If you’ve just met someone, and you think they’re the bees’ knees, and you just can’t wait for them to move in with you; may I suggest you watch this little cautionary tale? You might just change your mind.


Roger Corman was going to direct Sick Girl but was replaced by Lucky McKee.

The role of Ida Teeter, played by Angela Bettis, was a role originally written for a man with the character name of “Ira Teeter”.



Wow, I’ve done ten editions of “What’s Their Best Film?” already. In that time I have received great response from some of my regular and my non-regular commentators. I’m sure that a lot of you have voiced your opinion of not what you thought a particular filmmaker’s best movie was; but listed your favorite film from said director instead. Hey, that’s cool; because in order to accurately give an opinion of a director’s best movie you would have had to have seen every film in their catalog. I love movies, but I will not and cannot watch movies 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There are more important things such as work, supporting a family and figuring out ways to get Honey Boo Boo off the air. Damn what an annoying kid and her equally annoying mother!

So why am I babbling on and on? I shall tell you. In the last ten editions of “WTBF?” it has been you, dear reader, who has voiced your humble opinion. Now it’s my turn to give you my opinion. I will list each director below and I will tell what I think is their best movie or my favorite movie; whatever you want to call it.

Let’s begin:


Is it any surprise that I’m going with Goodfellas for this one? In my opinion it’s the greatest gangster flick ever made.

Runner-up: Taxi Driver



Most of what Bay puts out is complete shit; but if I had to choose a movie of his to watch I’d go with Armageddon . At least it got the Criterion Collection treatment.

Runner-up: Transformers


Alfred Hitchcock

Psycho. It’s my favorite “Hitch” film and in my humble opinion it is also his best. The shower scene alone is worth the price of admission.

Runner-up: Rear Window



Schlinder’s List. Spielberg may have given us the first summer blockbuster with Jaws; but with Schindler’s List he gave us his first and finest masterpiece. Ralph Fiennes is chilling as Amon Goeth.

Runner-up: Jaws



Two words: Kill Bill Vols. 1 and 2, Okay, so that’s six words. That’s because these movies rock so hard they blow up two words and turn them into six!

Runner-up: Pulp Fiction



I loved Magnolia and watch it at least three times every year. There are just so many great performances in this film from Julianne Moore to John C. Reilly. Tom Cruise was robbed of an Oscar for his role as informercial sex guru Frank ‘T.J.’ Mackey.

Runner-up: Boogie Nights



Do you honestly think I would choose anything other than The Thing?

Runner-up: Halloween



Jeff Goldblum had the role of a lifetime in Cronenberg’s vision of the George Langelaan short story The Fly. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Runner-up: The Dead Zone



Some might say Carrie, some might say Scarface; I’m going with Blow Out as De Palma’s best. Travolta’s performance is one of the key reasons Tarantino wanted him for Pulp Fiction.

Runner-up: Carrie or Scarface (tie)



I loved Short Cuts the first time I saw it and every time after that. Fantastic ensemble acting.

Runner-up: M*A*S*H



Not only is Sin City Rodriguez’ best film; but it is also the single most faithful adaptation of a graphic novel from page to screen that I have ever seen in my entire life. It’s also the movie that once again made a contender out of Mickey Rourke.

Runner-up: From Dusk ’til Dawn



Unforgiven is one of the greatest westerns ever made. It was directed by Clint Eastwood; who in turn learned a few tricks from one of the greatest filmmakers, Sergio Leone.

Runner-up: Million Dollar Baby or Mystic River (tie)



This is cheating, but I’m going with the entire Evil Dead trilogy for this one. Who needs Spider-man when you’ve got Ash? Bruce Campbell rocks!!

Runner-up: Spider-man 2



To be honest, I’ve only seen three Argento films: Suspiria, Mother of Tears and Opera. Of the three of those I suppose my choice for his best would be Suspiria. What a creepy and atmospheric film.

Runner-up: Opera



I have to go with The Wrestler on this one. I’ve been a fan of the squared circle for quite a long time and it’s the first film to take the subject matter seriously. Mickey Rourke was amazing as Randy “The Ram” Robinson.

Runner-up: Black Swan



I could be a complete asshole and go totally against the popular choice of A Nightmare on Elm Street as Craven’s best; but that would just be stupid. He gave us Freddy Fucking Krueger with this one, for crying out loud!

Runner-up: The Last House on the Left or Scream (tie)



Just as Craven brought usFreddy Krueger with his greatest film A Nightmare on Elm Street; so did Tobe Hooper bring us The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Leatherface 10 years prior. Watch this movie and you’ll think twice about picking up hitchhikers and eating Texas Bar-B-Que.

Runner-up: Poltergeist



It may seem like a strange choice, but I pick his remake of Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes over High Tension (aka Haute Tension aka Switchblade Romance) as Aja’s best film. It’s close though; both movies are fucking brutal.

Runner-up: High Tension 



Some people seem to love Rob Zombie’s films and other people seem to hate his films and his fucking guts. There’s no middle ground. What’s his best film? That’s easy: The Devil’s Rejects.

Runner-up: Halloween



What have I said before? The Howling is the greatest werewolf movie ever made; so the choice here is a no-brainer.

Runner-up: Gremlins



Re-animator, of course. Those of you who disagree can get a job in a sideshow. This film brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘giving head.’

Runner-up: From Beyond



I haven’t seen everything by Del Toro, but I thoroughly enjoyed The Devil’s Backbone. It was an amazing little ghost story.

Runner-up: Hellboy



There is no question that Night of the Living Dead is Romero’s greatest film; the trouble is that Dawn of the Dead is every bit as awesome. Folks, we have a tie! Zombies everywhere have Uncle George to thank for their popularity.

Runner-up: Day of the Dead



I loved Session 9 and The Machinist on equal terms; but if I had to choose I’d have to go with the latter based simply on the strength of the performance from Christian Bale. The Machinist is a brilliant film about guilt and how it can affect us so deeply.

Runner-up: Session 9



William Friedkin

The Exorcist. Nothing else need be said.

Runner-up: The French Connection



Lucky McKee

I choose May as McKee’s best for one simple reason: the deliciously disturbing performance from Angela Bettis. She deserved an Oscar for that movie.

Runner-up: The Woman



Eduardo Sanchez

It’s going to take Sanchez a long time before he gets out from under the shadow of The Blair Witch Project. He’s been making heavy strides with films like Altered and Lovely Molly. Still, it is the witch who holds sway over all.

Runner-up: Altered



I’ve only seen one Bava film and that is Black Sunday. I do want to see more.



The same goes for Lucio Fulci and Zombie. I know, I know I need to watch more Fulci and Bava.



The man who gave us The Man with No Name. It’s hard to pick one great Leone film. A Fistful of Dollars? The Good, the Bad and the Ugly? Once Upon a Time in the West? Once Upon a Time in America? Nope, I just can’t do it.


There you go; my choices. Some are your choices as well and some are not. Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one and they make the world go ’round.


Make your choice. What’s their best film?


William Friedkin












C.A.T. SQUAD (TV)-1986






12 ANGRY MEN (TV)-1997






Lucky McKee







Eduardo Sánchez

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (w/Daniel Myrick)-1999




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